Vesta and Your Love Life
The asteroid Vesta holds a variety of possible meanings within the chart: it can signal something we hold sacred, can indicate the home front, and can be a marker for attitudes toward sexual activity. So how do we tell the difference? Context will go a long way toward pointing us in the right direction, as the life situation will help define meaning–aspects, too, will add to our understanding. How our Vesta interacts with a potential mate’s chart will tell us what about the other person we revere, and, in the right situation, what we may find sexually appealing in the sense of this being a sacred interaction; it’s sex that represents spiritual communion. Though, don’t make the mistake in cross-chart analysis of thinking that Vesta is always about sex; depending on what it contacts in each chart, it can sometimes indicate a point of mutual devotion. For instance, If you have a child with another person, and you both find the creation and existence of that child to be a gift of spiritual significance, both of you may have the rulers of the 5th involved with Vesta, either within your own chart or cross-chart, or in some way peripherally in contact, such as by being placed in the 5th. This contact suggests that 5th House matters, such as progeny, will be consider sacred by you and your parenting partner in some form.
The best way to look at Vesta is to look at it in its broadest meaning: this indicates something we will dedicate our lives to, that we view as a foremost value in the life, that we define as sacred–and that means that whatever energy and subjects it contacts in the natal chart will be for us the most important and honored concepts we deal with. When we look at it that way we can see that both sex and the home are expressions of that sacred feeling. It can be an excellent contact between charts for showing shared values and ‘bottom lines.’ What any individual chart shows as energies contacting Vesta are the things he or she will generally not budge on when confronted. For example, someone with Vesta conjunct Mercury will likely take communications very seriously, and that includes their own; it may be difficult to disagree openly with this person, as they may see what they say as ‘the last word,’ not to be challenged. The positive side of this may be a high degree of honesty and integrity, and an individual who keeps their word.
What You’re Asking: Eros in Public, An Emo Ghost, and Stalker Synastry
Eros conjunct the Midheaven
In the chart of an individual, Eros conjunct the Midheaven will likely manifest as an eroticization of the career or public function; in other words, he or she will be turned on by the professional role, and/or by their own exposure (and I use that word intentionally) in the public arena. This can have very innocent results–someone super-dedicated to the role they play in life can be the result, the consummate professional who excels because they’re truly dedicated to what they do–or it can bring about the kind of person who participates very eagerly in life–they ‘play the game’ with gusto. This can also be someone who thrives on the attention of the crowd, and particularly likes to hear about themselves and their reputations–a kind of reverse gossip, who wants to hear it all, as long as it’s about him or her! It can also signal someone who’s very open and honest about their proclivities, or someone who doesn’t mind others knowing what they truly are turned on by–they show preferences with no holding back, no shame, very healthy as they let others look on minus any hesitation about others knowing who they are–because to them, the private stuff lies elsewhere. And yes, it can also signal someone for whom their own public image is eroticized, with those observing seeing them as a sexual object, or as personifying an idealized sexual image as prescribed by the relevant society or even social circle. See an example here http://askjulie.wordpress.com/the-lens-of-eros/
Cross-chart, if one person’s Eros conjuncts another’s MC, we see the Eros person turned on by the career and/or public image of the other person–this could be a celebrity-chaser, or someone who often finds themselves attracted to those that others admire, with or without it making any sense. The response of the MC person will depend largely on that person’s feeling about receiving that erotic projection; if it fts their own ideas about themselves, they may thoroughly enjoy it–if it’s at odds with the way they see themselves (or the way they believe the other person should perceive them) then it can be a disquieting experience to interact with the Eros individual–minds will be changed, or the MC person will beat feet out of there fast, out of sheer discomfort!
Don’t confuse Eros with love; it is, instead, focused desire with the intention to possess that upon which it’s fixed–and though sometimes that feels like love, it’s really a type of projection, a decision to mentally overlay the person or object (because yes, they call fetishes and toys and talismans and such ‘erotica’ for a reason!) with sexual meaning.
Do Gemini men indulge in adultery?
They’re human, aren’t they? No sign is immune to any behavior, just as no sign guarantees a behavior–we’re much more complex than that. Here’s my thought: if you’re asking the question, then you’re not feeling secure in the relationship–so the next issue becomes, Is it you, or is it him? Sometimes we project our own proclivities onto others; in this case, you might be prone to stray yourself, or, more likely, you might be unreliable, and this could translate into a need to constantly be reassured in whatever life area you are least secure, in this case, the romantic one. Or, this could genuinely be your intuition speaking. Only you know for sure.
husband not emotionally there
My heart (and the hearts of many of my readers) definitely go out to you. It’s not easy trying to relate to someone who seems unreachable on any but an intellectual level. That said, we must acknowledge that your husband’s emotions exist–and it’s important to say this, as it’s easy to pretend that someone not showing emotion doesn’t have emotions. And that suggests that he’s either feeling alienated from his own emotions (via depression) or that he is hiding his feelings from you.
I don’t mean to be glib, but it seems to me that if your husband is not emotionally there, with you, then he must be somewhere else–and I think that in some circumstances, this is the reality we don’t want to face. If this happens to strike a chord with you, the first thing you must do is face that, though a relationship consists of many facets, and connects at many levels, a marital relationship without emotional engagement basically negates all but the legal definition of the pact; marriage is, at its very essence, an emotional communion–and without that, you may be looking at the fact that the marriage no longer exists.
It’s essential that you understand a few things before you make any decisions or pronouncements: that your husband has disengaged for a reason–it may be one he needs help with (like depression) or may be one he will fiercely deny or defend against (infidelity, emotional or physical, a change in his feelings toward you, a spiritual path that may have turned him strongly toward considering only himself–and this latter should’ve lead him to formally end a relationship with you long before, so it’s not a more ‘noble’ excuse). You must also recognize that you cannot control his responses, nor should you try; though there may be a feeling that he ‘owes you’ (as implied by some readings of the marriage vows) sorting this out is not helped by judgments or demands, though it’s true that as your partner, he needs to acknowledge and deal with his own disengagement. You must also acknowledge your own, true feelings; sometimes we are as disengaged as our partner, but don’t want to see it–and sometimes we simply want to extract ‘payment’ in some form, for the pain we feel they’ve caused–but in both instances, we may not love anymore, ourselves, and are misrepresenting our own position, out of righteousness, as well as misunderstanding our own emotional state.
Sometimes we cannot get our partner, when he’s in this state, to speak in any meaningful way about existing circumstances, and in this case, it falls to you to decide how you feel (regardless of his feelings–after all, your feelings aren’t dependent on his, are they? And if they are, then it’s high time this relationship was examined, anyway). You only have control of yourself, so once you determine your own feelings (and sort out your own needs) you’ll know whether this ghost husband is offering anything sustainable, anything that still retains the shape of a marriage, and it will be quite obvious what you must do from there. Good luck–
Why did Venus hate Psyche?
I think ‘hate’ is the wrong word here–I think Venus was threatened by Psyche’s beauty, and that would make her both envious (wanting what Psyche has) and jealous (when Venus’ son Eros, whose full attention Venus had up to this point, falls in love with Psyche–Venus wants the attention of Eros, that Psyche now has). It just illustrates the idea that a woman who tries to destroy another woman hates a little part of herself–not a pretty picture at all.
stalker synastry
All synastry is highly dependent on the interaction of individual charts for ‘punch,’ and the synastry of a stalker to a stalkee could have any number of compelling aspects. A few include: the Pluto of the stalker to any identity energy (Sun, Moon, Venus for female, Mars for male, chart ruler, Sun or Moon ruler) of the stalked; Saturn of the stalker to these same identity energies (signalling a possible compulsion to control); Ceres (especially a female’s Ceres) to prominent chart energies; in negative Juno contact (usually more bossy than stalky); and Neptune prominent in the stalker’s chart and contacting significant energies of the stalkee–this latter obviously brings a high possibility of delusion into the mix. Still, so much depends on how these individuals use their energies, that just having some of these contacts doesn’t necessarily promise obsession–whew!
And check out this article for a really interesting account of youthful indiscretion–or perhaps, youthful optimism that sees things in a more romatic light than they warrant: http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2009/ class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”">jun/07/lynn-barber-virginity-relationships
The Fixer-Upper: Boyfriend as Improvement Project
Let’s start by saying: this is never a good idea; seeing (or is it projecting?) the potential in a guy (or any partner–face it, looking for what someone could be knows no gender) is a set-up for disaster. When we see a mate as a fixer-upper, a Self-assigned improvement project, we should immediately realize a few things: that we do not respect this individual (no matter how much we protest that we do), that we don’t really like this individual (otherwise, why would we want to change them?) and that we are very likely avoidng recognizing and dealing with our own flaws and/ or issues by focusing on someone else. Not a pretty picture, but a very human one, understandable and forgivable.
What in the chart might indicate a propensity for this? It comes in many forms: a strong Neptune, for instance, may indicate a Rescuer, or someone who responds to the fantasy of the partner rather than to the real person, while a prominent Moon or Chiron may suggest we’re acting out of our own sense of woundedness in an attempt to ‘fix’ everything for everybody, and a str0ng Ceres or Juno in a woman’s chart could push her in the direction of mothering/smothering or seeking empowerment through a partnership, respectively.
Transits may also trigger these attitudes temporarily. Neptune, of course, could lead us down an unreal partnership path, while Saturn could demand that we get serious and build a life with someone–and we may just reach for the person at hand, hoping to slap on a coat of paint and get going. Uranus can give us a huge but impermanent case of oppositional defiant disorder–and the result can be that we throw over our typical behaviors in an attempt to prove our individuality, our uniqueness, or that we are free–and if we must prove we’re free, we likely really aren’t, while proving our uniqueness may involve discarding our true tastes and preferences. Pluto may prompt us to trash whatever we’re involved in, in order to either escape or transform the partner–and though Pluto may free us from a relationship we didn’t really want, it can push us to go too far, leaving a husk of a partner in our wake. Transits can be a minefield if we allow them to work at the unconscious level, and natal propensities call for the same level of awareness, the same willingness to recognize and express in a positive fashion.
What You’re Asking: Asteroids and Social Skills
special powers psyche goddess has
I’m surprised Yoda wasn’t able to answer this (get it? the word order is oh *sigh* never mind just a sad attempt at a joke!) When Zeus found in Psyche’s favor (see the full account of Psyche, Eros, and Venus in ‘The Astrology of Intimate Relationship’ available here http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com or in the original article here http://askjulie.wordpress.com/venus-and-psyche/) he awarded the mortal freshly minted as goddess a portion of Venus’ realm. The story of what happened between Venus and Psyche suggests that Psyche’s placement and aspects may show our attitude toward committed love, in the form of (and here’s where I put my disclaimer, as I use Arcturus rather than the asteroid, though this could easily apply to both) one’s struggle to love and be loved without impediment, as well as showing particular relationships with/ to females that could involve jealousy and competition. It also represents on a personal level one’s potential to be born to a new, more powerful life, related in the story to her revival by Eros and the conveyance of the status of goddess by Zeus. I think Psyche in the natal chart, whether you use Arcturus or the asteroid, must be read in conjunction with Venus–the relationship between the two, once you know the story of their interaction, will tell you a great deal about the chart individual’s attitudes toward love and relationship, and for females, is especially descriptive of patterns of interaction they may encounter with other females. The only special powers Psyche has are ones available to all of us: persistence, curiosity, intuitive openness and willingness to follow the prompts of the Universe, and the power that comes with loving another.
Ceres synastry
Ceres is goddess of Nature, an entity equivalent to Mother Earth, and having such a maternal vibe can wreak havoc in a romantic relationship (contact can, of course, be a huge plus between a parent and child, nurse/ physician/ health care provider and patient, or in friendships or any relationship where some caretaking, one person of the other, may be welcome or in order). It’s in romance where Ceres can act as the ultimate desire-killer, particularly when a woman’s Ceres contacts something identity-oriented of a man’s–Sun, Mars, Ascendant ruler, Sun ruler, Midheaven. Then we may see the male perceive the female as trying to mother him, and this can be no matter what her real actions are–the Ceres energy becomes an overlay to the perceptual lens–she can’t help but seem motherly to him, as he will look for and identify those attitudes and behaviors on his own! The other main effect of any Ceres contact is that it shows where and how the Ceres individual may be inclined to negotiate with the other person. For instance, a man’s Ceres conjunct a woman’s Sun, Moon, or Venus may involve him trying to influence her identity, particularly in a way that promotes what he sees as ‘natural.’ He may try to apply his ideas of standards of beauty as expressed through the sign placement of the conjunction, or those that relate to his own Moon or Venus placements. He may also try to negotiate for her to carry a portion of his anima. Or, for example, with a woman’s Ceres conjunct a man’s Pluto, we see the classic negotiation situation between two powerful Beings; in this case, it’s likely the relationship will feature a constant jockeying for power and position–but this isn’t necessarily bad–for some, it can be a stimulating and enjoyable contact, along the lines of playful sparring.
how to prevent clinginess
Dryer sheets, and healthy Self-esteem. Nothing is more attractive than not being needy and clinging in the presence of your SO. When tempted to make like a sweet pea vine, remind yourself that a good relationship doesn’t ask you to debase yourself, or require you to beg for attention, and certainly doesn’t involve a mistrust of your partner that makes you demand to know her or his every move. Love yourself enough not to accept clinginess as part of your relationship repertoire, and then do something with your energy, mind, and time–any guy worth a **** will show up on a regular basis and give you no reason to feel insecure.
astrologically better than me
There is no such thing, and that goes for each and every one of us.
How to improve the social skills of a Cancer?
Ouch! Though Cancers can be some of the most kind, nurturing, and genuinely caring individuals around, they do have a tiny social blind spot: they often don’t seem to recognize that not everyone feels nurtured by their behavior. Sometimes it’s a matter of not noticing how uncomfortable all the Aquarians get when Cancer goes in for the group hug, and sometimes it’s a matter of being oblivious to the way those invited for Thanksgiving aren’t actually planning on camping in their jammies and drinking hot chocolate all the way through New Year’s. Cancer’s failure to notice people have lives of their own is very much akin to the way a loving parent may find it very hard to believe their grown child would prefer a date to family dinner–because with Cancer it feels a little like you’re expected at that family dinner every night. The positive side of this is that Cancer’s concern and wish to make comfortable everyone they meet is genuine and truly kind–and a large number of faux pas can be overlooked when the attitude is so loving (and the blankets, pillows, and snacks Cancer passes out don’t hurt their chances of being forgiven, either!) So lighten up on your Cancer–he or she mostly just needs a little schooling in boundaries, and a reminder that the entire world is not their cozy family room during a sleepover.
“A Conjunction Between Oppositions”
Dear Julie
First and foremost I want to thank you for such marvellous and vividly written astroblogs as they offer so sourceful and in-depth material for us interested to learn astrology. Keep up the good work!
Also excuse me my broken english since it`s not my mother language so I do hope addressing my synastry question is understandable.
I just found out that I`m sharing a synastry pattern that you might want to use as a case-study for your other readers. By this I mean the moon-uranus-opposition of my natal chart falling straight at natal venus opposition pluto of one particular male. So it´s this conjunction between oppositions I`d like to learn more if possible, from astrological point of view. (Also my natal chiron and asc-desc-axis is involved in this which might have some impacts here.)
Unfortunately he doesn`t know the exact time of his birth, but he thinks it`s after eight a.m (that would make him rising Pisces which sort of sounds right for his appearance, neptunian visual art career and such)
Myself I`ve tried to translate this double-aspect as something to do with emotions (which of course with moon opp.uranus is an issue itself) that could be very intense and sort of love-hate-like. The situation in real life is just peachy for the moment being as we get together occasionally, but I sense some changes are on their way..
So I`d be very grateful if you could share some insights of this conjunction between oppositions, what could it indicate? What might be the pitfalls here or are they just deeper levels of attachment yet unknown?
Best wishes and starlights
from
“Hedgehog”
Dear Hedge,
What a lovely phrase you’ve coined: ”a conjunction between oppositions”! Poetic, it perfectly describes the synastric influence, complicated and divinely simplistic, all at once, of oppositions within individual charts that in overlay create conjunctions with another’s chart, and as we know, conjunctions in synastry are by far the strongest factors in describing relationship.
With you, we see a natal opposition between the Moon in Aries and Uranus in Libra; your friend enjoys an opposition between Venus and Pluto, with the former conjunct your Moon, and the latter conjunct your Uranus. So far so good. But the picture isn’t quite this simple; his Mercury, Vesta, Moon, Saturn, Neptune, and Uranus all hook into this configuration by degree range, while in your chart the only contact the opp/conj makes is to the Ascendant/ Descendant axis. Then there is the fact that you have Chiron conjunct the Moon, bringing it into the mix, and your friend has Ceres conjunct his Pluto–all these add dimension to what started out as a relatively straightforward connection. So many energies involved suggests a lot of energies stimulated by the relationship, so that, even if this isn’t a long term or serious relationship, it still brings forward a great deal of energy interaction in the process. But what does this mean?
The Moon/ Venus connection in Aries brings good feeling into the interaction, and likely sympathy and tenderness, as well. This is typically one of the most positive contacts, though we must note that the Venus belongs to the man, suggesting that your emotional picture is in line with his vision of an ‘ideal woman’–and in Aries this implies that an independent nature is probably the ideal on both sides. The contact of Uranus (yours) and Pluto (his) brings together two transpersonal energies, which means the effect is not as intimate, though it does stimulate your romantic interest (Uranus rules your 5th) and his interest in the welfare and resources of others (this includes you) as Pluto rules his 8th.
Chiron conjunct your Moon, though, brings in the primal wound and the Chirotic gift, and links these firmly to the emotional nature and the intuition. This is both a potentially gifted and vulnerable placement, depending for positive manifestation on your ability to separate emotions from everything else–and since this lies on your Descendant, brings a special challenge: are you able to own your own emotional state, or do you succumb to the temptation to project your own feelings onto others? The answer to this will go a long way toward telling you how successfully you’ll use this energy complex, and how much it will affect all your relationships, not just this one.
Your friend has Ceres conjunct Pluto in Libra–right away we are clued in to the way this may echo through his relationships with the duo located in the sign of partners and marriage. This represents a meeting between the lord of the Underworld and his mother-in-law–who just happens to be in charge of all nature, the seasons, and all that is above ground. These two strong gods met to negotiate what started as a kidnapping (though I think that may simply be the cover story for what could have been a willing elopement) of Ceres’ daughter Persephone/ Proserpina by Pluto/ Hades. Persephone herself wasn’t strong enough to hammer out a deal with a major god, so her mother had to step in–and this may signal a built-in internal conflict stirred by all relationships for this individual ( emphasized even more as it falls in his 7th). A Ceres/ Pluto combination may mean the individual is highly skilled at negotiating the darkness and at deploying his own power and destructive energies; he may be very aware of negative or dark impulses and may exaggerate their import for him. He also may be personally amazingly resilient, able to breath new life into ashes, and could hold a strong connection to life and death energies.
With this Ceres/ Pluto combo touching your Ascendant and Uranus, your personality and most unique character traits leap forward to stimulate this combination in your friend, so that a relationship to you may feel to him as vital, stimulating, even life and death important. Add to this the Moon/ Chiron contact to Venus, and the thought is that care must be taken here–the actions and decisions of the other person can take on exaggerated importance, considering that emotions and hurt, and the all-important feeling of the interaction, are front and center all the time.
The biggest difficulties may come from stressors outside the relationship; when a conflict situation arises in either individual’s life, it could seriously affect the interaction, and the temptation for both persons may be to funnel the tension toward the partner–this will feel natural, but would be potentially quite damaging to the relationship.
Your English, by the way, is quite good; the few little bumps in it don’t really matter, as they’re minor, and you still communicate very well–and that’s the point of language, isn’t it?
Thank you for your kind praise, and many thanks for the “starlights”–no one’s every ’sent’ me those, before!
Best wishes to your and your friend,
jd
Variations on a Theme of Self-Sabotage, Act 4
Hi Julie, My relationship quandry…my husband has just been diagnosed with diabetes and I do not want to deal with it. What is the matter with me? He seems happy to always have to be at the doctor’s or taking more medications and I become very rude to him when he starts discussing it. I feel he can best help himself by eating right and trying to get away from all those prescriptions. He is now up to a dozen a day. Am I being completely cold in this relationship? Should I try harder? Thank you.
Hi T,
First, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to balk at taking on your husband’s health burdens, and it seems specifically that you may feel this way because he appears to glory in the ritual, routine, and attention that comes with a chronic health condition. There are two things to look at here: why does your husband seem to need this particular kind of attention so much? and, what underlies your reaction to his situation?
When we look at your husband’s chart, we see recent transits that likely brought this health condition forward (T Saturn conjunct natal Mercury, ruler of the 6th of health), and we also see that he has been under quite a bit of stress emotionally (T Pluto recently contacted natal Chiron, and is now square his Moon). His natal Moon is in Aries, a position that naturally calls for him to be the center of attention on the emotional front, and a Pluto transit to first Chiron, unearthing hurt at a primal level, then the Moon, bringing an intense effect that may have felt to him like obliteration, could have triggered (or at least, greatly exacerbated) the natal emotional requirement to put ‘Me First.’
Your uncharacteristically unempathetic response shows in recent transits to your own chart, transits that likely have left you feeling much less of a need to engage deeply with others if that engagement was draining to you in some way, especially emotionally. Transiting Saturn has been over your Vesta, suppressing your feeling of commitment to the home front and the sexual partner, and perhaps lessening the idea that one must uphold those sacred institutions (like marriage) that you are normally a strong supporter of; and transiting Neptune is conjunct Juno in the 5th, obscuring from your view your natural means of empowerment, one venue of which is through the romantic relationship. So, the coolness you’re feeling right now is not surprising, nor does it indicate a cold heart or indifference–it’s just the way the wind’s blowing for you, currently. And, with ruler of the 7th posited in the 2nd natally, the state of your significant other feels like it relates directly to your Self-worth and Self-image–so an ill partner may read as something to get away from, rather than coddle, support, or indulge.
And it does feel like indulgence to you that your husband is engaged in–and here’s where we must lay it all out. His behavior is undoubtedly too involved in relishing his own illness, but this seems to be an indication of his Moon’s needs, and right now, this illness which has shaken him to his core (whether this shows or not) needs to be acknowledged as a ‘Big Thing.’ Irritating as it may be, he truly needs to put all his energy and attention into dealing with this illness, as at present the illness defines him emotionally–and if the illness gets taken care of, then he’s taken care of, nurtured, loved, too.
For you, though your reaction is totally understandable and one with which many will sympathize, if you love your husband, you need to take a step back and get a slightly more objective view of things. You seem to be reacting out of your own need to separate your sense of yourself from your partner, and this is certainly fine, but ultimately Self- and relationship-sabotaging, as love and relationship require that we see and acknowledge the needs of our partner, and right now he needs you. The Moon rules his 7th, so every emotional assault he suffers tends to make him turn to you for support. There is also the matter of you judging him; though the amount of attention he needs may seem over-the-top to you, variation in need must be recognized (of course, there’s the matter of, if you’d known when you got together how needy he was, you may not have gotten together–but don’t we always have knowledge of the depths of our partners all along, whether we admit it or not? And so we must see that we choose them both because of and in spite of their qualities).
I think if you give your husband’s emotional needs all the ‘Me First’ attention and support they require, you will find within your husband, not the emotional black hole I believe you anticipate, but instead a renewed confidence and Self-assurance that was probably a big draw for you initially in the relationship in the first place. Approaching his needs with a non-judgmental attitude and a willingness to fill the bucket indefinitely will, conversely, shorten the time during which you must deal with his exaggerated need, so, though it may be contra-intuitive for you, I would suggest you give him the ego and emotional support he needs, especially because, we should note, Mars is a prominent part of the equation, and he may feel that his manhood is threatened along with his health–your job is to let him know it’s not.
My best to you both,
jd
Variations on a Theme of Self-Sabotage, Act 3
you like ‘interesting situations’ so here goes:
I made the mistake of reading ahead for me, on ’x’ website, Mr. Y writes these extended horoscopes & i find sometimes they are a wee bit negative at times; kinda got depressed. I have a wonderful man in my life, who i know from h.s. and college–we were just friends back then but via facebook, after 20 years, found each other again, but now, things have gotten romantic. go figure however, a. after a lifetime of heartbreak, he’s not one to get into a committed relationship (tho he calls & is attentive every day), because he feels depressed at times/in a dark place b. he wants to move to LA where i live from NY but for his career predominantly, not for me (tho obviously it would be nice if things were to work once he did get out here). (he is an electrician/musician but wants to be a film composer.) And yet it is wonderful and close at times…really hoping he finds the courage to move here…
After reading these transits (i have put them all in this email) i am worried–if i stick it out, will this relationship eventually solidify? makes me sad to know that this one may not work
in his chart, i can see one transit which deals w him possibly being involved w a younger woman but of course, that’s
just Mr. Y’s interpretation
thanks!
Hi! Since you’ve not supplied a name, I’ll call you Natasha, and like every lovely, exotic, smokey-throated beauty you’re seeking your Boris, that man who’s a perfect partner for you. So, you have the man in your life, and you go looking for information, and what do you (like any curious person would) do? You find transit meanings written by one of the foremost astrologers of our day, and you apply them to the charts of yourself and your smitten kitten, and you believe them–and that last step is where you go horribly, terribly, awfully wrong. 
It’s an act of Self-sabotage to assess your relationship in this way–this is where I give the lecture about it being very, very imprudent to interpret a chart a piece at a time–because you end up confused, freaked out, worried, and not much better informed than you started out, and that’s because every transit, for true accuracy and relevance, must be interpreted within the context of the whole chart, and must be scaled to the circumstances of the life. So no matter how good a description is offered of a particular transit, you must use it only as a guideline–and here’s where I say that you must also be aware of the fact that each astrologer is offering interpretation that is unavoidably colored by their personal experience to some degree (some far more than others–one prominent astrologer, who has contributed immensely to the field, is wonderful on theory but tends to interpret every individual chart seen as the chart of someone dysfunctional, injured by heavy family dynamics, likely violated in some form and thus permanently scarred, and any rejection of this idea is labeled ‘denial’–it becomes just like the sane person slapped into the mental institution–the expectations of everyone the person comes in contact with are that anything said is the utterance of someone unbalanced–and suddenly even normal, healthy assertion is seen in a completely inaccurate light!) Put all those factors together, and you’ll understand that reading single interpretations one after the other (and perhaps selectively pulling parts of the interpretations from each as relevant) gives you a goulash that fails to illuminate the life one iota.
Further, Natasha, you may be missing the instrument you really need here, as isn’t this about whether you two will end up together or not? And that requires a comparison of the two natal charts to show points of contact and compatibility (I don’t use composites, though others swear by them and get good results, just because a relationship is an interaction between two people–you don’t lose your individuality and become one melded blob, in my view, though I can think of a few relationships that resemble big melded blobs!)–because isn’t it the strength of what’s between you that counts?
So I took the liberty of peeking at your chart interaction, and here are a few tidbits: you each see the other as ‘mate’ worthy material, especially you, with his Jupiter conjunct your North Node, which likely feels like being with this guy could deliver the world to you–an exciting feeling, and reciprocally this contact says he likely is very generous in aiding you in your destined direction–though that doesn’t necessarily include him. There is a repeated dynamic between you that suggests struggle, especially struggle between anima energies (this can often show as almost a competition as to who’s more sensitive, who’s more feeling, who’s more creative, artistic, receptive to the sensory world); however, this can be a very, very quiet kind of struggle, not at all overt, so it may read like harmony that can’t get itself together because life circumstances just won’t oblige–there’s always a little something winkling in, a fly in the ointment of your mutual plans, so the refrain becomes, once this is done, worked out, surmounted, we can finally be together. The question then becomes, will you be? Maybe, though chances go lower with your Mercury conjunct his Neptune–that is almost a guaranteed form where the Neptune party resists hearing the Mercury person’s message, and where the Mercury person doesn’t understand what’s conveyed by the Neptune person, either, as every time she tries to communicate with him, it seems impossible to pin him down. But, here’s where personal circumstances come in–since he is a musician, attuned to Neptune (pardon the pun), you could be a source of ideas and inspiration for him, and he a source of inspiration (to communicate) for you–you may almost literally ’speak’ to his music-oriented persona.
Find an astrologer you trust to assess the chart interaction in full, if you’re so moved, and don’t worry–the form transits take doesn’t trump reality, they reflect it, so if you’re feeling the relationship is essentially good, go with it–and forget it, there’s no such thing as a ‘younger woman comes along and seduces him’ transit!
Good luck, Nat–I hope things work out for you and your musician–
jd
Variations on a Theme of Self-Sabotage, Act Two
I am very interested in knowing the right time to meet a life partner (man) for the rest of my life. Afraid to have another one for fear it hurts worse when it ends. Cannot have the wind knocked out of my sails again. Two years ago, betrayed by x-boyfriend who went with my x-friend. D
Dear D,
Who isn’t interested in knowing this? But it is Self-sabotaging to refuse to participate in relationship unless you get a guarantee that this person won’t hurt you–and that only happens if you’re not involved emotionally, so how rewarding or interesting could that relationship be? Not to mention he won’t find it terribly compelling to date someone who literally does not care. You may think it’s more reasonable to request the right time to meet the perfect life partner, than to request to directly know who he is and when he’s arriving–but the fact is that again, you’re asking for a guarantee, as if everything is pre-determined and I just have to look it up–and it’s not.
Take care or, confused, he could ride right on by
It almost sounds like you are hoping to know precisely the right time to lower the emotional drawbridge and let prince charming cross into your heart. I don’t blame you one bit–who wants to be hurt if they don’t need to be? But that is exactly the point: if you don’t stay open to relationship, you won’t have the heart opening, bending, and molding experiences that will make you the exact right person for the life partner when he does come along–he will instead see only a castle with a lovely damsel in it and an impassable moat–and he will ride right on by.
Damsels must remain emotionally accessible, in order to find love.
So please, D, consider that life really is, to use a tired old cliche that is absolutely correct, a journey, and know that the answer isn’t closing up emotional shop until a specified period of time–what if I gave you a possible time to meet an excellent partner, and some boob muscled in there ahead of the ‘right’ guy and you opened up to him, thinking it was the right guy–what a mess! Then you’d think astrology was a crock (or perhaps that I’m incompetent), or that maybe there was no one for you, and all the while the right one was there, waving from afar, and your skewed timing, your insistence on trying to control the experience, meant the two of you would never meet?
No, if you want love, you have to continue to love, it’s that simple. The real challenge is not to mistake attraction, lust, mating fever, an image, desperation, or hormones for love–we all do, and that’s what leads to 90% of heartbreak. So, concentrate on recognizing, seeing, and participating in real love all you can–and it will come to you, just exactly when it should.
And an aside to D and all who would look for information from an astrologer: we need date, time, and place–without ALL of these, we cannot draw an accurate chart–and no, time zones cannot be used in place of location. jd
Variations on a Theme of Self-Sabotage, in Four Acts
ACT ONE
Dear Julie, Most of the men i have been involved ended up hurting me both financially and emotionally, i have been divorced once, engaged a few times and now i just don’t know if i should give up on men.I recently met a guy. He says all the right things but i don’t know if i can trust him and i am also still in touch with a few of my ex-boyfriends.
I need help as i feel emotionally drained from all my love troubles, thank you! Z–
Hello Z–,
I admit, I feel a sense of fatigue and drain just reading your brief description of your love troubles! And that says to me that there’s something Self-defeating going on here, and the natal chart bears this out. Your lovely Libra Moon is at 00 exactly conjunct the Vertex and less than 2 degrees from the DSC in the 6th. Your Moon is also conjunct Ceres in late Virgo, trine your Gemini Sun (which is conjunct the great magnifier, Jupiter), quincunx Chiron, sextile Vesta, and hooked to the ASC and MC by hard aspect. This is a description of the emotional state, the feeling Beingness, as a magnet, one that uses the unconscious (Moon) as the primary facilitator of relationship (Libra); this means that the expectations for relationship are set up below consciousness, and then you attract/ react to those who fit the unconscious expectation–and that is one of being wounded (quincunx to Chiron), of fatedness to the emotional state (exact conjunction to Vertex), and perhaps an anticipated scenario of being left repeatedly (conjunction to Ceres, who experienced the cyclic loss of the one she was closest to–and as she had no mate, this was her daughter–easy to make this sense of loss about a partner). Chiron, though conjunct much else of note, is also conjunct Sedna (though Sedna doesn’t touch these other energies), and this suggests that, as Sedna is our ‘blind spot,’ you may not be capable of recognizing the primal wound within the Self, and this may make it difficult to see how your own hurt plays a part. The sextile of Moon to Vesta makes the emotional state one that you may be reluctant to question, perhaps looking outside yourself for the reason (men are no good, romance doesn’t work out for anyone, sex is my downfall. etc) but it really seems to be about setting up life circumstances (and choosing potential mates) with the belief that they are not to be trusted, that they will, sooner or later, leave. And the cluster of South Node, Venus, Mars, Chiron conjunct in the 1st suggests you may have internalized a sense of experience (SN) plus woman/ man (Venus/ Mars) equals hurt (Chiron); carrying this in the 1st of Self makes it a strong perception/ assumption. But, there is an answer.
Your 1st House does possess very potent energies, and with the Aries cusp, what we see is that Self-possession, being unequivocally your own person, making decisions, acting in your own best interests, is really the way to go. With Libra on the 7th you may fall into an ‘I’m just at the mercy of my partner’ mentality, and with Pluto in the 7th you may be prone to hand others all the power–and that’s where you must change things. Owning the considerable power that you possess, accepting and using it as your right, is what’s called for here. Once you claim power as your due (and this is personal, rather than worldly, power) a natural byproduct is the acceptance of responsibility for all parts of your life–and when you take this attitude, then everything, including partnership, is something you have the power to control, and guide by your own choices. It seems that up to now you’ve let others call the shots, and in being passive, even to the point of letting the subconscious expectations choose potential mates, you’ve attracted men who are not what you, a potentially strong and empowered woman, need. I hope you’ll consider embracing a sense of authority and assertiveness; it will change your life.
Thank you, Z–
jd
Acts Two, Three, and Four posted shortly–
Want versus Need in the Natal Chart
It’s really important to distinguish between what we want and what we need; often, we see them as one and the same or, much worse, confuse the two, or just plain misunderstand, thinking that what we need is only a desire, and denying it to ourselves out of misplaced frugality. We all have both wants and needs, and they’re shown principally by the Moon (needs) and Venus (wants) in the natal chart.
Noting that Venus has been tagged as representing wants, you may protest with, ‘But don’t we all need love?’ And you’d be right, of course we all need love, it’s just that the love we need must be delivered in the form of the Moon–the love we talk about with Venus carries other baggage: lust, jealousy, envy, greed, carnality, and the trappings of romance and courtship–all are forms of ‘Venus love,’ and not truly love at all, but desire. Love that is pure and untouched by these concepts is Amor, while Venus love that is other-directed and objectified is Eros. It remains to the Moon to show us true need, and the form of love that will nurture, comfort, and fulfill emotionally.
Does this mean we shouldn’t call Venus the planet of Love anymore? No, it just means that when we speak of Venus as representing love, we must hold in mind the awareness that the love Venus represents is that which is typically found in relationship, shown by its rulership of Libra (with the singular exception of the Moon as it carries the maternal love). Venus can also show something about love of the Self (as indicated by Taurus and natural rulership of the 2nd of Self-worth and assets/ talents)–and yet, again, this suggests an outward component to the love, as this focuses on our perceptions of ourselves via the physical, the abilities, and the possessions, including our relationship to the personal finances. Because we live in a material world (sorry, Madonna) there exists a material level at which we will inevitably assess ourselves–and so we take this into account when thinking of Venus, as well.
Neither the Moon nor Venus promises fulfillment of the spirit, though the functions of each can lead to this (the propensity largely indicated in the natal chart by a relationship of either to Neptune, Chiron, the Sun, and sometimes Jupiter). Spiritual love and ideals are the province of Neptune and the Sun (this latter as it represents the Soul itself), but again, these are not separate so much as facets of the concept of love we all carry.
So when we seek love, talk about love, speak of needing to find another to assuage our loneliness, to give our love to, in my estimation we really need to be looking, not at our Venus, but at our Moon, first. This idea was encapsulated in the pop psychology axiom, ‘You can’t love another until you love yourself,’ and indeed, if we have not found the emotional fulfillment demanded by our Moon, we are, in a psychic sense, unable to look away from our own needs, and thus unable to really see and commune with another.
What about desire? After all, we’re in a way programmed to go after what we desire and there’s nothing wrong with that, except that we go after our desires with the expectation that having them fulfilled will fulfill us, when our desires are more about possession than about completion. Our Moon needs, however, are about completion, in the sense that our psyches cannot function as a healthy whole without the sense of having been nurtured, and emotionally ‘filled up’–and we are back to the idea that we cannot give away what we don’t possess–in this case, the sense of completeness, comfort, and nurture that make up the essence of the love we think of sharing with another person.
See my book on The Astrology of Intimate Relationship for how to read a natal chart, and to compare natal charts, for relationship success and potential compatibility, here http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com
