Want versus Need in the Natal Chart

It’s really important to distinguish between what we want and what we need; often, we see them as one and the same or, much worse, confuse the two, or just plain misunderstand, thinking that what we need is only a desire, and denying it to ourselves out of misplaced frugality. We all have both wants and needs, and they’re shown principally by the Moon (needs) and Venus (wants) in the natal chart.

Noting that Venus has been tagged as representing wants, you may protest with, ‘But don’t we all need love?’ And you’d be right, of course we all need love, it’s just that the love we need must be delivered in the form of the Moon–the love we talk about with Venus carries other baggage: lust, jealousy, envy, greed, carnality, and the trappings of romance and courtship–all are forms of ‘Venus love,’ and not truly love at all, but desire. Love that is pure and untouched by these concepts is Amor, while Venus love that is other-directed and objectified is Eros. It remains to the Moon to show us true need, and the form of love that will nurture, comfort, and fulfill emotionally.

Does this mean we shouldn’t call Venus the planet of Love anymore? No, it just means that when we speak of Venus as representing love, we must hold in mind the awareness that the love Venus represents is that which is typically found in relationship, shown by its rulership of Libra (with the singular exception of the Moon as it carries the maternal love). Venus can also show something about love of the Self (as indicated by Taurus and natural rulership of the 2nd of Self-worth and assets/ talents)–and yet, again, this suggests an outward component to the love, as this focuses on our perceptions of ourselves via the physical, the abilities, and the possessions, including our relationship to the personal finances. Because we live in a material world (sorry, Madonna) there exists a material level at which we will inevitably assess ourselves–and so we take this into account when thinking of Venus, as well.

Neither the Moon nor Venus promises fulfillment of the spirit, though the functions of each can lead to this (the propensity largely indicated in the natal chart by a relationship of either to Neptune, Chiron, the Sun, and sometimes Jupiter). Spiritual love and ideals are the province of Neptune and the Sun (this latter as it represents the Soul itself), but again, these are not separate so much as facets of the concept of love we all carry.

So when we seek love, talk about love, speak of needing to find another to assuage our loneliness, to give our love to, in my estimation we really need to be looking, not at our Venus, but at our Moon, first. This idea was encapsulated in the pop psychology axiom, ‘You can’t love another until you love yourself,’ and indeed, if we have not found the emotional fulfillment demanded by our Moon, we are, in a psychic sense, unable to look away from our own needs, and thus unable to really see and commune with another.

What about desire? After all, we’re in a way programmed to go after what we desire and there’s nothing wrong with that, except that we go after our desires with the expectation that having them fulfilled will fulfill us, when our desires are more about possession than about completion. Our Moon needs, however, are about completion, in the sense that our psyches cannot function as a healthy whole without the sense of having been nurtured, and emotionally ‘filled up’–and we are back to the idea that we cannot give away what we don’t possess–in this case, the sense of completeness, comfort, and nurture that make up the essence of the love we think of sharing with another person.

See my book on The Astrology of Intimate Relationship for how to read a natal chart, and to compare natal charts, for relationship success and potential compatibility, here http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com

 

Finding What’s Hidden: Pluto Contacts

Some of the most enticing things in a relationship are the things we don’t know; by that I mean, we’re aware that there are depths, kinks, hidden proclivities, secret appetites, or just plain secrets, and in part it’s the potential for discovery of these that fuels that initial, electric attraction. The tingle isn’t about what you do know, it’s about what you don’t know, but can sense, and that’s the influence of Pluto.

Pluto itself moves so slowly that talking about it by House is it’s most distinguishing characteristic among generations, but in personal relationship, it’s an individual’s Pluto contacts, the other energies of the chart that are asserting themselves toward the ‘heaviest’ energy we know, that describe those hidden and exciting quirks, often sexual ones, that can make or break an intimate relationship. THESE POSSIBLE ASPECT MEANINGS ARE WITHIN AN INDIVIDUAL CHART, NOT BETWEEN CHARTS.

Pluto and the Sun–if your partner has a Sun/ Pluto contact, hold on: discovering this Soul could be one exciting (even frightening) ride. There is a depth and intensity to this contact that calls for a hardy mate who can weather anything from the extremely possessive to the scarily Self-destructive; you might even witness the total transformation of your mate. Be ready for a dark side to this Sun, but also look for an amazing capacity for resilience and a true understanding of (and ability to guide you through) the worst life has to offer. This can also be a strongly magnetic contact, with an ever-present undercurrent of sexuality, power, and the possibility of change. Tastes can run the exotic gamut; anything kinky this person shares will be a serious need, and likely non-negotiable.

Pluto with the Moon–this can signal an individual who may have a very tender emotional state, one that could stem from an upsetting past, or from secrets or things they prefer remain hidden, including vulnerabilities and sexual tastes. Be gentle with this person, and don’t probe too deeply; they’ll open up when they feel safe. You must also be prepared for the possibility that this person may have developed a taste for punishment or the macabre; this can be the poster child for someone who has confused almost anything else with love. Once the emotions have been thoroughly processed and regenerated, this individual can be highly perceptive, and makes an excellent counselor, formal or informal, and they also become exceptionally understanding of the wounds and darker needs of others. Probably the toughest position of all the Pluto contacts, that once dealt with can bring tremendous benefit and growth.

Pluto with Mercury–this person may see words as weapons, and certainly will see them as being expressions of power. They can be powerful communicators themselves, and, whether they’re conscious of it or not, are always looking for the hidden meaning, or the power play, that they’re sure is somewhere between the lines. This can make for some upset as they truly don’t believe, as the saying goes, that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. The good news is that once they trust you, they hold nothing back–real intimacy is possible. The bad news is that there could be a great many times when what you thought was an innocent remark will be taken by the Merc/ Pluto person as anything but. Clear communication void of even the most innocent manipulation is the only way to interact; and if you listen with care, all the quirks, peccadilloes, and preferences of this person will be told you, one way or another, so the mystery lasts only as long as you pretend you can’t read the messages your partner sends.

Pluto with Venus–volumes about the doomed love nature ‘earned’ by these individuals have been written, and most of it is short-sighted or just plain wrong (yes, I said it, wrong!) These people are not fated to suffer in love, to lose a great love, to act destructively or cruelly until they ‘learn’ some karmic lesson, or to be crushed tragically in a once-in-a-lifetime relationship–they are required to transform their concept of what love is, and the necessity of this suggests that there is something in the love nature and attitude toward relationship that is either destructive (likely unconsciously so–and this is very often some attitude or belief learned in the early environment that doesn’t foster a genuinely loving interaction dynamic according to this Soul’s standards) or that doesn’t in the largest sense serve the current Soul (Sun) focus and life direction. I have often observed this contact as an intense love affair that seems fated yet doesn’t work out, and the apparent reason for the Venus-Pluto one of the pair is 1) to change their attitude toward love and partnership; the experience often gives them an acute appreciation for genuine, healthy love, and 2) to allow them to go on to a life with another partner, who offers not only a more evolved kind of relationship but also a very different life than the individual would’ve experienced with the ’big love’ partner. So, the question becomes, are you the ‘big, changing love’ mate, the ‘evolved and settled down with’ mate, or someone in between? Aside from all this, this can also signal someone who goes for S/M or more exotic sexual practices, who expects love to hurt, somehow, who sees relationships (or money) as digging deep and bringing out the most intense (and sometimes the worst) feelings, who anticipates all relationships as power struggles, and/ or who finds relationship (or money) frightening, and so avoids it.

Pluto with Mars– suggests an intense sex drive, in either sex, and when in a man’s chart ties the ideal of who he is as a man (Mars) to the transformative or destructive energy of Pluto, and so implies that he may put a huge stake in his own potency, and/ or in the idea of sex as a vehicle for change, re-birth, in some sense, or transformative to relationship. In either sex this can say they like it ‘rough’ (though of course that term itself has a whole spectrum of meanings and lengths). With men or women this can also suggest they see sex as fundamentally affecting the ego or sense of Self–and depending on the state of Mars overall, as well as the Sun, this can go anywhere from a feeling that sex is regenerative to the idea that sex will destroy the identity–so can bring forward commensurate upset, anger, denial, and avoidance. Is this an aspect of rape? Perhaps, though we can never reduce such a complex mixture of choices, influences, and decisions to act to a single (or even several) aspects in the natal chart. This contact only gives an energy that could, under particular circumstances, manifest in this way, and we shouldn’t forget that ‘energy rape,’ an aggressive attitude, can cause as much (though different) damage as physical violation–and as well we must note the extreme strength and resilience this aspect gives, which can also  be mustered in service of the positive–an aspect that can almost literally allow the individual to ‘move mountains.’

Aspects outside the personal planets carry less potential to manifest on a unique individual level within the personality, but we can mention a few possibilities in terms of the sex life:

Pluto with Jupiter–sex in public! or a sex life that mirrors social fashion, such as the ‘free love’ of the 60s, or the ‘Just say ‘No” abstinence of the 80s; or a ‘notches on the bedpost’ mentality, or ‘more is better’ with quantity over quality

Pluto with Saturn–a taste for older partners (or a ‘Daddy’ figure), celibacy, or sex on a schedule or by certain rules (“Missionary only, please!”)

Pluto with Uranus–sex must be unique, revolutionary, avant garde, or can become totally academic (a new position from the ‘Kama Sutra’ every night)

Pluto with Neptune– sexual fantasy or role playing, or sex dressed-up, or drugged-up

And with the asteroids:

Pluto with Vesta–can make any Plutonian proclivities sacred–so if you don’t share these tastes, it can be tough

Pluto with Ceres–sex out in nature can be a big turn-on, as can sex under dangerous weather conditions (during a lightning storm, at sea during a squall, while hiding in the tornado shelter) Authority play might come into it, with one person playing a dominator/ dominatrix role or playing ‘Mother’–or, sex may be only for procreation

Pluto with Juno–power struggles may spark sex, and there may be a taste for repeated infidelities, ‘punishment,’ and make-up sex

Pluto with Pallas–again with power as a turn-on, though this may be where skills or business dealings are aphrodisiacs, or this individual could look for a mentor/ counselor or teacher/ student  relationship to turn lusty

Pluto with Chiron–Oww! This combo may be highly transformative and healing, or highly destructive, and likely some of each, perhaps with the circumstances for healing arising from the ashes–how this plays out in the sex life is anybody’s guess! and highly dependent on the Chirotic relationship with the partner

 

When He’s In Love: How to Tell, How to React Pt. 2 Leo to Scorpio

Leo–you can tell the Leo guy’s in love when he pulls you into his spotlight. Suddenly helping you shine (and the two of you shining together) is what it’s all about, and depending on your temperament, this may be a dream come true, a nightmare, or something in between. The exceptionally generous Leonine spirit can almost literally be like receiving a gift of life energy, but the attention and scrutiny while in that spotlight can be intense, whether you thrive under those circumstances or not. Leo equates attention with love, but for some with whom he tries to share, this can eventually end up feeling like you’re a bug struggling under the glare of a cruel child’s magnifying glass.

How to react–If you love the bright lights your Leo shines on you, then all’s well, but if you begin at some point to spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom (because it’s the only place you can be alone and unwatched), then something’s got to give. So much depends on your own tolerance for and desire for attention that it’s difficult to give even a barely adequate one-size-fits-all answer; the closest I can come is to say that what Leo really wants is to admire and be admired–so I guess the relationship becomes a proving ground testing whether each of you naturally has what the other can admire, find pride-by-association in, and respect.

Virgo–the Virgo man signals he’s into you by telling you, one way or another, that you’re perfect. This sounds wonderful, and often is, for a time, until you do something he doesn’t interpret as perfection; then you hear about just exactly how you could improve yourself–and that’s definitely a mood killer. Virgo is relentlessly focused on the details, on the critique meant to create a better end result, a better product, a better harvest, so he doesn’t see why you wouldn’t want to hear his assessment. It never occurs to him that what he perceives as flawed won’t necessarily seem in need of repair to you, and this is the heart of the problem: with all that attention to detail, the Virgo guy is still totally obtuse when it comes to big picture objectivity, as well as the fact that others naturally have another point of view.

How to react–Though bristling is your likely first reaction to the Self-improvement list your sweet Virgo presents to you, it might make sense to put it all into context. This is a man whose attraction to you allowed him to see you as the perfect woman, at least for a while, and now all he’s doing is trying to maintain his own belief in your perfection. Virgo is programmed to inspect, nitpick, assess, classify, and sift through data looking for what is out of order (or what might go wrong). Likely as not, Virgo’s suggestions to you are a signal flag he’s throwing up, in the hope that you’ll stop, turn your full attention to him, and reassure him that the woman he fell in love with hasn’t left the building. What he really wants, though he may couch it in perfectionistic or critical terms, is to be assured that the vision of love he carries is real, and that you are still unquestionably interested in him. Virgo is Earth, and suprisingly consistent in its need for predictability in life–favor him with reassurance that he’s still the one, add a modicum of interest in the minutiae of his existence (because it’s all in the details, for him), and he’ll relax and feel loved (and if you’ve got a lot of Sag or a prominent Jupiter, you might want to lovingly share with him how his perception of detail fits in the Big Picture–he’ll be delighted to be shown another use for his abilities).

Libra–ah, the romance we expect from a Libra! and we get it, no question; it’s a sweet togetherness that gives even the mundane tasks of life a euphoric kick. He’s always thinking of ‘us,’ and everything comes with a rose and a romantic pink glow. Problems come in two ways: if we are a more cut-to-the-chase kind of person, who thinks romance has a specific time and place, we may find each interaction being staged like the cover of a romance novel a little too much; or, we may be just fine with the emphasis on continual romance, but may chafe when our connection goes from the gentle holding of hands to being joined at the hip with our human ball-and-chain SO.

How to react–Libra clearly means well, but few of us can live with our gaze firmly fixed on some Victorian idea of the niceties of relationship without needing to look away now and again. Libra generally believes that the relentlessly romantic approach is what a woman wants and needs; you must understand that the Libra guy, even when he’s ultra-modern, has an unreal expectation of what a love relationship is. He may believe it will fulfill him, and that can put a big burden on you to fill in the missing pieces and even to play a role, the requirements of which you might not be privy to. When expectations and the need for everything to look romantic and pretty gets to be too much, you might want to remind yourself that this man lives for partnership, and he truly wants to shoulder half the load (and in fact he’ll carry more than his share, out of love and dedication)–for him, it’s an expression of his love for you. Then, no matter your feeling about his romantic approach, you might want to share some activity, something important to you that you can do together, or even something where you can ‘assign’ him a part–the vital point is the sharing, the inclusion of the Libra as you describe your goal, your plan, your interest, and ask him to participate. What he  wants is to be on your ‘team’–for him, that’s really all the romance he needs.

Scorpio–if his intense gaze doesn’t give away his interest, the way he figuratively drags you to a cave of one kind or another will certainly get the message across. Scorpio’s likely to be quiet, even calculating, in his approach; a conspiratorial aura to your interaction is a strong sign he’s into you. The stealth factor can play a big part in the relationship itself, as well; where Libra will trumpet partnership to the skies, Scorpio plays it all very close to the vest, so that the fact he sees the two of you as a couple might take you by surprise. This can come across like a mixed message, or can make you feel like he’s hiding your relationship, as if he’s ashamed or otherwise unwilling to be open about it. This can make for major crises of confidence and can lead to very bad feelings; other places in relationship with a Scorpio man that can, like the little girl with the curl, be very very good or very very bad, are the sex life, and in the keeping of secrets–the latter may be a compulsively manifested stumbling block on the road to real intimacy.

How to react–Confusion about your Scorpio guy’s real feelings and intentions is the most likely problem to arise. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to join Scorpio in his cave: allow him his need for secrecy (for it’s really a mannerism, more than a withholding, with this man); trust him, and you’ll never have to question his ardor or his loyalty–question him endlessly, and he feels the need to crawl into that cave and pull the opening in behind him. If you can accept that you won’t be privy to his every thought, can accept his intensity as genuine and his need for privacy as a true need (and so to be respected), then you can go the distance and enjoy a truly passionate relationship with this (often) mysterious man.

 

Receiving Venus: Someone Else’s Venus in Your Natal Chart, Pt 2

Someone else’s Venus falling in your 7th House gives an interesting effect: there is a kind of projection, where you are drawn to the Venus person, and they to you, and it becomes difficult to tell who is the ‘instigator’ of the energy.  Because of this ‘is it you, or is it me?’ exchange, the relationship can devolve into a mutual admiration society that eventually just fizzles away. You’d think it would create a strong attraction, a bond of love and natural assumption that this could be the mate, and sometimes it does, usually when everyone’s owning their own energies and projection and dissociation aren’t issues.

In the 8th, Venus will be both flattering (“He/she treasures me!”) and edged with pressure, bringing a sense that the other person has assets that they may or may not share. Much depends on your own views on community property, and your own sense of Self-worth.

With another person’s Venus falling in your 9th, this is someone to whom you naturally reach out, prompted by the love you see. You may share a mutual interest in travel, foreign lands, education, or religion, and activities around these could be where you meet or how you spend your time. This placement could also belong to a beloved in-law.

Another’s Venus in your 10th makes the whole thing public, and perhaps career-oriented. It may be hard to tell whether the good feelings are from the other person, or from the boost they give to your status. This may be the placement of a generous ‘boss,’ or the mate may remind you of one or the other parent.

Their Venus in your 11th may signal the fullfillment of a wish, or could suggest that love blossoms within a group. This relationship may have something to offer the world–even if that’s only adding a little love to it!

With their Venus in your 12th, the vibe can be a little uneasy, feeling a bit stalker-ish (in either direction) or too vague to realize fully in real life. This can suggest a subconscious bond, and a feeling of support that makes one feel confident out in the world, even as the relationship remains, somehow, impersonal.

 

Receiving Venus: Someone Else’s Venus in your Natal Chart, Pt. 1

Synastric overlay of the charts of a pair of individuals can give us a great deal of information about how they will interact, and what they will value (and disdain) in each other. The House in your natal chart where another’s Venus falls will show what in you that person will value, and aspects broaden the picture even further, with good ones to Venus able to help a relationship succeed even when other indicators aren’t so positive. Remember too that wherever Venus falls, the Sun and Mercury of the other person are likely near, so the implications for Venus’ placement to some extent echo the personal relationship meaning of Sun and Mercury in this area (positive or negative Soul resonance and communication capacity). Here’s a brief rundown of what someone else’s Venus in one of your Houses might mean:

In the 1st, they may love your personality (and maybe your body!) The Venus person may identify with you, especially if they are female, and could see your persona as having value-thus this can be the placement of one who models their behavior on you, or perhaps is just jealous–or is a most ardent fan.

In the 2nd, they definitely see you as a resource, and may assume you should share love, money, or assets (the funny thing is, with this placement you often assume that you should share with the Venus person, too!) They may also see you as someone who should be at their disposal, which has the potential for violating boundaries, making you feel used. They may, though, see ‘the Beauty in you,’ beauty you might not even see in yourself, and so the relationship may act as a positive mirror, showing you vital, worthwhile parts of yourself.

With someone else’s Venus in your 3rd, they value what you communicate, and especially like what you have to say–they see the beauty in your words, thoughts, and ideas, and may see them as worth paying for. They may relate to you as if you’re a sibling, which can be great in a friendship but not so good with a mate–and if the Venus person doesn’t have smooth sibling relationships, this can signal a certain amount of jealousy.

When their Venus falls in your 4th, they may treasure you as family, see you as carrying the positive attributes of their father, and/ or identify their most personal (and hidden) traits as being reflected in you. This can be a very positive and supportive contact, or can brng into the relationship all the conflicts the Venus person feels toward the family of origin; they may also try to establish the same financial or asset arrangement experienced with the father, which may or may not be workable within the relationship.

Someone else’s Venus in your 5th brings romance to the forefront of the relationship; even in a friendship, this can imbue the interaction with spark, playfulness, and excited interest. This placement can also signal that the Venus person loves your creations or your creative nature (though they might also be jealous, too), and if you’re an artist, this person might be your customer or patron. In a worst case scenario, this person could be a gambling partner, teaching you to love the game and encouraging you to risk your finances!

The 6th House Venus interaction brings their impression of your worth into the work and everyday arenas. This can signal a colleague (or servant!) who adores you, or someone who values interaction with you daily. In less positive manifestation this can suggest someone who may expect you to serve them (valuing your service), though it can also belong to a satisfied employer. This can be an indicator for long-term support in an intimate relationship or even in a friendship, because who wouldn’t love to have a mate or friend who looked forward to seeing them every day?

A greatly expanded version of this article, combined with a number of other pieces on Venus, will be available for purchase in pdf form through Dog and Sunflower Press–Watch for ‘The Venus Collection’ coming soon! And see all my available writings here 

 

Sulking Across the Zodiac: Men and Mood

Astute reader/ astrologer/ dream analyst aello (see her excellent site  dreamorpheus.wordpress.com ) asked in comments for more on the difficulties of dealing with men in a funk (or is that funky men?) and I think this is something we could all use. Is it manipulative to look into someone’s nature so that we can better get along and avoid upset? Maybe, just as it’s manipulative to steer a car or learn the ways of a snake in order to avoid the strike–sometimes knowledge gives an essential, benevolent advantage–we know how much energy can be dissipated in trying to decipher the reasons behind withdrawal, sudden indifference, or touchiness–and with that in mind we’ll look briefly at each zodiac sign (except for Cancer, covered in an earlier post) for typical dysfunctions and effective ways to respond. These definitions could apply to Sun in a sign, Ascendant sign, or Mars in a sign–or even, when a man is older or acting in the role of ‘father,’ the response may align with the sign Saturn is in. If the response seems especially emotional, he may be lost in his Moon–and more than anything, may need your aid.

Aries displays all the lashing-out to be expected from a wounded ego–the trouble is, it may be hard to find anything that isn’t affront-worthy and ego connected! Everything seems to relate back to him–and in order to deal with this behavior, you have to look at things the same way, as if it’s the world vs. Mr. Man–and suddenly you see that the assault mode he’s in is inspired by a perception of attack. It’s almost assured that you’ve done little or nothing that’s causing this reaction, yet the way to handle it is to speak directly to his ego, letting him know (in terms that may seem absurdly literal) that you respect him, his autonomy, and his right to act–and this is usually all it takes for him to see you as an ally, and to muster his Will in service of a co-operative effort.

With Taurus upset is often shown as a slowing, slowing, slowing of energy, an inertia bordering on catatonia. Monumental stubbornness signals a feeling of loss of control, and the way to reassure a Taurean sensibility is to re-connect it with the senses. This is the man who can be fed, massaged, or sang back to a good mood, who’ll enjoy time in the outdoors or handling materials that earth him–look to his Venus to know what sensory aspects will appeal.

Gemini clams up with you, and maybe indulges in the ultimate Gemini ‘adultery’: sharing with, gossiping, and just generally talking to someone else. Info becomes a carefully controlled commodity, and the Gemini-strong man may be feeling particularly vulnerable to what he may have said to you in the past. Something is making him him fear that you will use what you know against him–so reassurance that you can be trusted becomes the salve his overactive mentality needs.

The brilliance of the light emanating from an upset Leo is akin to being in the flash zone of a nuclear blast: you think you might melt, and are left disoriented–just what was that about, anyway? The Leonine sensibilities are set off by a violation of something the Leo sees as relating to the heart of his identity, and you must ask yourself, what in his world is not reflecting back his idea of who he is? When you find the dissonance, you’ll understand just how vulnerable the Leo is behind the bluster and shine, and you can restore the lost commodity of confidence.

When Virgo becomes critical or too-much fixated on what seems like irrelevant detail, you can be sure he feels unsure of the facts, or the expected outcome–a simple re-connection with reality may be all it takes. Too, getting him back out in nature, especially if the activity relates to an effort toward results (‘the harvest’) will help re-align his mood and center his footing back on earth.

Oh Libra, why so passive-aggressive, with your iron-fist-in-velvet-glove attitude aimed firmly at the mate? The sabotaging of the partnership is the Libra man’s cry for help–and it may be seated in a fear that the feminine (Venus) is overtaking him. The sensual and aesthetic side of Venus can feel like a huge vulnerability to the Libra man, and the answer to the insecurity may be found in emphasizing how Venusian he is not (wink wink).

Scorpio‘s sting can be very cold, as if he’s dropped you into the depths of the icy cave of his Soul–of course, this is just how it feels, because he’s seething underneath–but why? With the Scorpion it’s either a fear that he is being destroyed, or a fear that he is disintegrating, likely triggered by external changes he can’t affect. Scorpio needs to feel the power is in his own hands once again, so your mission, should you choose to accept it, isn’t really impossible–just show him, in whatever way fits his world, that he is indeed in control after all.

When disturbed Sagittarius will wander–not cheat, necessarily, more like he’ll head off mentally for new horizons (a few will actually walk away). This happens because he’s been thwarted in some attempt to expand, because he suddenly perceives he’s been tied-down in some way, or because the horizon just looks greener than it does right here. Sag is a pioneer, an explorer, and at base he may ‘check out’ every time things become uncomfortable. Note how his sense of freedom (not his actual freedom) is being violated, and make sure that, even though he remains symbolically tied to you, he has plenty of rope–by offering just the right amount of support, he’ll never know you’re holding the other end, just in case he falls.

Capricorn offers a stern warning–and that’s when everything’s going well! Internal discord causes him to either clamp down like a vise, or totally withdraw, halting his usual laying down of the law, constructive activity, and contributing to his 401K–all the things you can count on and set your watch by. Again it’s about control–but with Cap it centers on a fear of chaos, and a certainty that if he’s not making the rules, no one else will (or they’ll do it badly, another of his favorite excuses for taking over!) Cap needs a combination of a wake-up call (where it’s made clear what really is in his province) and a re-connect to reasonable standards–half the time he’s simply taken the natural Saturnian inclinations too far for his own good.

Ah, the Aquarius man can reason with the best of them–and will reason you both into a cold, sterile corner if he doesn’t maintain perspective. Reliance on his intellect, coupled with the attractive idea that rebellion from ‘what is’ is a possibility at any moment, may make him when under pressure behave as a Self-destructive machine. This is usually a reaction to a fear that he doesn’t understand something that’s going on around him–and the only way he can think to cope seems to be to put the mind into overdrive. Here approach through the Moon, or through Neptune as an indicator of the spiritual–use Moon and Neptune related messages to reassure and show him that there are limits to what the mind can handle.

A stressed Pisces may zone out, toke up, or escape any way he can. What you need to understand here is that Pisces actually believes his chosen coping mechanism is a remedy. He probably won’t realize how destructive his choices are in terms of ignoring the real issue–and spaciness out of fear of inadequacy to meet the challenge is the likely motivator. Pisces can feel very very tiny, and problems can seem Universal in size–and the way to meet this is to re-connect Pisces with his ability to effect circumstances. Start with something tangible–get him to help you open a jar–and you may start the cascade that inspires him to wade back into the fray.

 

This ‘n That: Re-Virginization, Sulky Moon Men, and Dynamic Wonderin’

Hi Julie,

I woke up to the announcement that the staunch bachelor, David Letterman, has gotten married. But isn’t it bad to get married during Virgo retrograde? I do hope he’ll be okay!

Hi!

I’m sure you meant Venus retrograde, and you’re right, as far as I’m concerned: I wouldn’t advise anyone to marry during this transit, no matter where it sits in your chart, with a couple of possible exceptions: if you have natal Venus retrograde, if 8 years ago you dealt with the same partnership issue, and now want to take it to the next level, or if you are renewing or otherwise reiterating something that’s already in existence–and from what Mr. Letterman has said, I think he’d probably fall into one of the latter two exceptions. Of course, most of the time, and for most of us, this is a bad time for such a move, if for no other reason than revision of the contract/ commitment may occur, perhaps for financial reasons, almost as a matter of course. Here’s Mr Letterman’s chart; what in it suggests a restless long-term bachelor nature that must co-exist with someone who, when commited, approaches the relationship with intensity and sincerity? Be aware this is a 2nd marriage for him.

As to that slip of ‘Virgo retrograde,’ I rather like the idea–we can all, for a few weeks every 18 months, become ‘virgin’ again!

Thanks for writing in!

 

Hi Julie,
I’m wondering what do you think about person A’s Venus/Mars/Asc./NNode (conjunct from 28Gem to 2Cancer) quincux person B’s Mars(29 Scorpio) – and then also trine person B’s Pluto (7 Scorpio)? What’s your take on the dynamic of that?

Hi!

I’m not fond of venturing guesses based on cherry-picked data, simply because so much of the meaning is wrapped up in House placement in each chart, what these energies rule in the natal chart, and what the aspect picture within each natal chart says about the way the individual processes the energy even before he or she is in a relationship. I can say this: a quincunx only accepts a 1.5 to 2 degree differential, at the most, so it’s likely that some of the bodies you name will not be involved in the aspect, since the quincunx point is 29 degrees; as well, 9 degrees is too wide for a trine. We can also know this: that if person A is a woman, and person B is a man, then this dynamic involves the way each sees her- or himself ideally (and for A, no matter his or her sex, this involves the opposite sex ideal, as well, and too, Mars for either reps the sex drive in general–and so the interaction takes on an even more important air than it otherwise would, in terms of Self-image and the way this is reinforced, or denigrated, by the contact with the other person).

You’re welcome to submit birth data, and ask the same question, and you’ll get a more helpful answer! Or, if you’re an astrologer yourself, you may want to try my book, THE ASTROLOGY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com now available at a much-reduced price as a pdf with a workbook that can be used on the computer or printed out. This book outlines all techniques I use in relationship analysis.

Thanks for writing!

And finally, we have an interesting search item in this: I’m frustrated by a sulking Cancer male–advice?

One thing about Cancer men, they’ve cornered the market on sensitivity–I don’t mean that they’re sensitive to others–it’s more like they’re empathetic, while at the same time the focus remains on them: “I’m so tuned in to your feelings!” It can get to the point where you’re almost afraid to say Good morning, because lord knows it might come out ‘wrong’ and send him into a three-day funk. All their testosterone revs up to compete with others to be the most sensitive, the most caring, the most nurturing–but all in service of their male egos–which makes it hard for the women in the room to cope. And once he starts to sulk, it’s a full-blown show–to pull out of it at the behest of others is to admit he wasn’t that deeply affected in the first place–so any cajoling, urging, or condemnation simply adds at least six hours to the equation!

Some are genuine ‘mama’s boys,’ though most will never own up to it (though the affects are the same as for all of them), while the rest glory in it because, between Mom’s doting and his sponge-like receptivity to his own feelings, the would-be woman in his life has an almost impossible alliance to crack. Her Moon must always be third in line–not insurmountable if you have a strong Venus and/ or Sun, but a little unnatural, nonetheless.

Here’s my thought: a sulking Cancer man can be brought out of it in one of two ways: by the genuine need of someone he loves, or by stealth. Feed the sulk: bring him a blanket, a cup of hot chocolate, rub his feet, put a cool cloth on his head, or just generally completely support whatever activity he is indulging in in his ‘distress.’ Though this on the surface feels like you’re feeding the monster, you’re really validating an idea about himself that is at his core, and which he’s not about to change–and in doing so you both make him feel nurtured, and acknowledge his need, no his right, to feel, feel, feel. Good luck!