“Am I Wrong to be Jealous?”

Kirchner 1930 {{PD-Art}}

I am a 25 year-old male and I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a month. She asked me to be official on our second date and I said yes. She shows me lots of attention and meets me often but she loves talking to new people. She is always chatting with the pizza clerk or server, whether it’s a guy or girl. If it’s a guy she’s still smiling at him and talking to him in front of me. One time she gave the IHOP server a big tip and joked with him. She tells me we are allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. I told her that is fine as long as we had those friends already and we are platonic with them. She agreed but then she goes around talking to other guys.
She mentioned how when she goes by her friend Jenny’s house, her friend’s brother walks around in a tight speedo. She said he is a security guard. She was laughing and smiling.
We went to a gas station and the attendant was talking to both of us. I wasn’t getting a good vibe but my girlfriend loved to chat with him and kept smiling and talking to him. Then he told us “just drinks? buy more stuff! give me some business!” I just stood there but my girlfriend kept looking for other stuff. He said “take anything you want, honey” and she kept looking. She said, “you don’t have the gum I like”. I finally told the guy I was her boyfriend and she was with me. Later on I brought it up and she said I overreacted, that he was very nice, very friendly. She said he wasn’t flirting with her at all and she didn’t think anything of it. She said she doesn’t get flirted with often (and she sounded disappointed saying it).
She is so opposed to open relationships yet it seems like that is what she wants. Am I wrong to be jealous? Can you please explain her behavior?
Thanks in advance.

J

Hello J,

First, I want to commend you on the exceptionally mature approach you’re taking to the significance of your girlfriend’s behavior; not many guys, especially young guys, would lay out the situation in such an unbiased and thoughtful way.

I think the best way to address your question is to simply make a series of statements, my conclusions based on what you say. I’m immediately struck by how quickly your girlfriend wanted to be exclusive; sometimes this is a not-so-positive thing, as moving too fast can indicate someone who wants to pin you down, treating you more as a possession than an individual. But, you could just be a super-charming guy

Your assumption that people may only retain opposite sex friends that they knew before the relationship, however, is an unreasonable one. I’m sure that part of what attracted you to your girlfriend is her outgoing and open personality, and I understand that you may naturally worry that others will find this attractive, too–but to ask her to stop being who she is is to ask her to be other than the person you fell for–and that’s not right.

Now, to be fair, part of what she may like about you is the sense that all this bothers you; why else tell you about the friend’s brother and the tight Speedo? This suggests that there may be an element of sexual teasing in her nature that does not belong in a relationship; manipulating the feelings of one’s partner is not a kind or loving thing to do–that implies immaturity in the way she regards others, again treating you more like a plaything (to get a reaction from) than a person about whom she truly cares.

You seem like you are ready for a more committed relationship than this girl is capable of offering; you come across as a man who is looking to do the right thing by the person you’re involved with. And maybe that’s it: she sounds like a girl, playing with others’ emotions and creating sexual tension for a power-thrill, and what you need is a woman, who is ready to respect and care for you, a facet of which would be her willingness (within reason) to refrain from engaging in behavior that makes you uncomfortable.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying this relationship while it lasts, but I would not take it seriously; I would not let her see that any of her behavior bothers you, and I’m betting that, sooner rather than later, she will behave in such a way (outrageous flirting, letting you catch her with someone else, deliberately baiting you) that makes it obvious that what she wants from you is a jealous reaction, not a real relationship. At that point I hope you’ll see that she’s just too immature for you, and that you’ll move on to someone who treats you with more kindness. The world’s a big place with a lot going on in it; you’ll soon see that putting your energy into this type of interaction is a waste of your time.

Much good luck, J–

Julie

 

Sharing Power

You may stay lonely, unless you take a good look at yourself Rossetti 1868 {{PD-Art}}

Dear Julie,

Hi! I’ve been having a rough couple of three years. In the past few years, I’ve gone through a lot of pain surrounding my childhood and my fears pertaining to men and relationships have surfaced. I do not know how to control or manage my fears regarding men and sex. I can’t function properly on a daily basis as I am overwhelmed my fears, and afraid of my own thoughts.  If I were to read anything that remotely suggests sex, I begin to panic. I’m highly uncomfortable with people talking about sex, especially men. The ease with which women talk about sex escapes me. I’ve seen cases in which people disrespect their sex partners, and I use that as reason for me not to engage with anyone of the opposite sex. I’ve not had any serious relationships. Sometimes, I feel safe from hurt. Other times, I’m lonely but I remind myself nobody can hurt me this way. I have a push and pull dynamic in place when it comes to love matters. I want to experience love but the fear or abandonment and betrayal have me running. I have a deep-rooted fear someone using me, disrespecting me, and taking advantage of me.I have an unexplainable, and somewhat irrational fear of sex.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could help me figure things out or what exactly I am supposed to learn because I’m drawing a blank. I was born on dd/mm/yyyy at xxx in xxx. I understand if you are unable to do so, but thank you nonetheless for reading my email. Thank you very much.

S.

Hello S,

After studying your natal chart, I think I see a few possible explanations for your plight. First let me say that your straightforward and rational presentation of your case suggests to me that you are truly open to hearing about what may not be functioning at an optimal perceptual level for you–and that makes me more than willing to address your issues, and, hopefully, to help.

Since you use the word ‘fear’ repeatedly to describe your experience, I looked first at Saturn, our natural connection to reality and main signifier of both worldly ambitions and fears. Your Capricorn Saturn sits in the 7th House–right away we get hints that you may be projecting your own attitudes onto others–and is in a very interesting (and complex) aspect situation. Saturn’s companions in the 7th are Uranus, the Sun (ruler of childhood experiences 3rd), and Neptune, all, including Saturn, within a 10 degree spread, and so considered conjunct natally. But, there’s more! Saturn is also conjunct the Moon and Mercury (chart ruler) in Capricorn in the 8th, and Venus in Aquarius in the 8th (though Vesta in Aquarius sits just outside the max natal orb for a conjunction).

Just with this, we can see a few things: contained emotions (Saturn conjunct the Moon, Moon in Cap), a desire to approach relationship on an intellectual level (Venus in Aquarius), a weakness for delusion (Neptune), and a Ceres/ Jupiter conjunction in the 1st, just below the Ascendant, suggests a too-strong identification with the powerful goddess literally in charge of all nature (and I say “too-strong” as the exaggeration factor of Jupiter may point to a dominant Self-concept that leaves no room for a partner–Mother Nature has no spouse!)

Saturn also sextiles Juno and Pluto, opposes Earth and Chiron, quincunxes the South Node and trines Sedna–with this last aspect making it very difficult to see one’s own Saturn, and by extension, any of the ways Saturn interacts with the other energies (and at least potentially, Sedna will aspect some of the other players in the Saturn drama–this, plus Neptune’s involvement, is probably why you are “drawing a blank,” as you say in your letter, over the whole situation). All this active contact suggests that Saturn is a huge player in your life–yet may remain hidden (Sedna), not just from your consciousness, but from showing its importance via projection; in other words, all your Saturn issues, both positive and negative, may appear to originate, be caused by, or spring from others and/ or reality (another Saturn concept), thus it’s easy to convince yourself that there’s a good, solid reason why you react the way you do (even though you show keen Self-awareness as you state you know your fears are irrational).

This is such a complex chart (in terms of the contacts and interrelatedness of the various bodies) that I’m going to go straight for my interpretation, as outlining it would be an almost endless task. In general, I’d say there are two major components to your fear experience: one concerns repression of many many facets of your own Beingness, either from judging them to be ‘wrong’ in some fashion or from social rules, teachings, and traditions, and the other concerns your idea of personal power, and your extreme reluctance to open yourself to anything that might force you to compromise your own power position or to share your power with another.

Now I know many people do not really accept that they have any power at all; they point to modest life circumstances, to a subordinate social or work position, or to their own lack of interest at exerting their Will on others, and claim that power is not a relationship they have–but au contraire, this is a relationship each of us has, each and every hour of every day. To have no personal power is to be dead; if we are alive at all, we are still involved with expressing our Will, and exerting our influence, no matter how subdued this appears to be.

When we look at both the repression factor and the power factor simultaneously, what we see is someone who is holding very tightly to her own autonomy, who is, in fact, in a power struggle with a potential partner long before that partner arrives. You appear to associate relationships and all related aspects (such as sex) as presenting you with a totally unacceptable loss of power–but if one sees the sharing of power within relationship as something not allowable (and there is no way to be in a relationship without in some way letting another person share in your life energy, in your power) it’s a natural ‘next step’ to label this as ‘fear’–and indeed, it is a form of fear, the kind that arises when one is threatened by any suggestion that another could have an effect on your situation.

The repression aspect of things seems largely to be about rejecting certain parts of normal human nature because you so strongly judge these to be inferior inclinations, or ‘bad.’ This is likely from making strict internal judgments that view one as superior if one is not involved in passionate relationships, perhaps seeing others in these circumstances as weak or silly–and there may be some idea of marriage and sex as highly destructive forces–and so staying away from them may convey in the unconscious a strong feeling of superiority (this is suggested by several components of the chart, though the Juno/ Pluto conjunction in the 5th is alone enough to draw this conclusion) .

You do see the potential for positive man/ woman relationships, but this contrasts with some of your most serious and deeply held beliefs that marriage (or the idea of dedicating oneself to another) and sex (or the idea of union with, and therefore vulnerability to, another), are negative, which suggests two things: that you are not only resistant to being vulnerable to another (which is perfectly understandable–no woman should feel at the mercy of anyone else), but also that you are determined to keep all power for yourself, as there seems to be a deeply seated distrust of others, along with a deep desire to hold all the power cards–so it’s not just fear of vulnerability, but an actual desire to be powerful yourself (and I believe this isn’t an ego thing at all, but a holdover from past life experience, where you were a very powerful, and possibly ruthless, man–hence you project your own previous attitudes on partners and onto the entire idea of man/ woman interaction).

The chart implies you see it as your duty to accept a man and to marry (and this could be a big part of the problem, not wanting to surrender any power over yourself to societal expectations, much less an individual husband), but it also says you have an exaggerated need to feel you are already complete in the sense of not needing an external animus component in your life. When one couches one’s feelings in terms of uncontrollable fear, one is then, essentially, granting the Self permission to avoid all feared contact–for if this is an emotional reaction, rampant and undefined, what can anyone do?

This is not to discount truly legitimate wounds and fears that you carry, S, as these are apparent in the chart, too; it’s just that these are no more prominent than for anyone else. The important point is that you are allowing beliefs and behavior to be fueled by an unreasonable desire to command what is really a co-operative arrangement (and by that I mean, the natural ebb and flow of human interaction). The fears are exaggerated because in making them so large, and thus including the pretense that sex is such an alien and disturbing concept, you create the perfect scenario for excusing the need to ever allow another to share power (love) in your life.

There is hope for you, in that, if you can approach relationship from an autonomous, willing, and loving viewpoint, where you do not feel in any way coerced, pressured, obligated, and do not feel that a man’s sexual attention is an attention that takes your power from you, then you can engage quite happily in a relationship (and you’d be surprised, that many women feel quite vulnerable when a man shows sexual interest or attention, as it has a quality that can be truly frightening, a consuming quality that can certainly be felt as one that robs the female of something essential–and I think this is what you’re fixing on and responding to). Instead realize that this is simply an energy of sharing. Your biggest problem may be that, in trying to keep anyone from taking anything away from you, you’ve closed off your ability to receive something from another, as well–which is precisely the situation of the sex act, and any dynamic relationship.

You seem like a truly lovely person, intelligent and kind–I don’t think it’s that far a leap for you to exorcise the idea that you must call all the shots and hold all the power, and to invite a relationship of equals, a loving, gentle, and fulfilling interaction, into your life.

Best wishes, S,

jd

 

Telling It Like It Is

'The Bride' Brown 1869 {{PD-Art}}

In my experience, this article encapsulates the reasons 99 percent of people who want to be married aren’t–with the sole problem typically being not a lack of awareness but a lack of willingness–to see oneself clearly, to be open to change, to be flexible in what one requires. Thanks to Rae Indigo for sharing this on facebook.

 

Sun, Mars, Ceres in Aquarius: It’s the Self V. the Group

Sheet Music Cover 1901 {{PD}}

Now that the Solar influence has joined the god of war and Mother Nature in Aquarius, we can get a good look at just where our attention and energy will naturally be focused over the coming month (our attention remains here as long as the Sun shines here). The Sun, Mars, and Ceres are slated to buddy-up closely in early February, which should result in the period when our Aquarian concentration on the role of the individual vis-a-vis the group, the intellectual challenges of being a rebel/ original thinker v. as an individual facilitating (and perhaps leading) the group, seeing the Self’s interest in light of what our friends deem important–and whatever form this comes in, it will have a Higher Mind (even academic) component, and will bring up questions of authority: who holds dominion over whom, what is our ‘natural’ role in things, and we must ask ourselves if we are the ‘maternal’ (nurturing or custodial) influence in the equation, or are we the offspring of a larger concern, seeking our independence?

At this time these questions, plus subjects related to the natal House where these three bodies gather, will need to be answered; the form they take may seem to be something quite aside from our conscious focus and concerns, or could sit at the very heart of our life’s dedication and direction, but in either case, and whether we can successfully draw identity answers from the circumstances in the allotted time or not, we will find these identity and power/ authority issues at the forefront of our world.

There’s also the matter of which side of the issue you’ll vibe to (and this can change, if we find ourselves facing multiple versions of this challenge): either we’ll be very much focused on the Self and our personal role and prerogatives (especially those that may be inhibited by or restricted under the command of others) or we will see ourselves as representative of broader interests, the kind that inherently hold power either naturally–by age, for instance–the 18 year old can’t drink in many jurisdictions, the 14 year old can’t drive, the 23 year old can’t run for President, and neither can the 50 year old join military service or the corps de ballet or the Olympic team (except in specific instances), and we may find ourselves agreeing with this, as one or another circumstance hands us the power by virtue of our chronological standing; or that hold power by relationship–for example, a mother to child, boss to employee, master to apprentice, examiner and exam-taker, and so on–and again, we may sit in the power position by virtue of an already-held position, the power of which is bestowed by Collective agreement: the group says this is what it takes in this situation to hold power. And, if we identify with the group, we may combine the Self urge and the group urge and seek to lead–and if that’s what you’re after, this is the time to do it!

So, we either identify with ourselves and our causes, or we identify with something established (though this is not The Establishment, but rather a less rigid or formal power position than those bestowed by society as a whole). No matter which vibe is dominant within us, we will find material for struggle, and we will feel the desire to establish our own authority in some form as a strong need upon which it seems, at least for now, our identity rests. Go into this coming month with these matters in mind: sort out your feelings about the groups to which you belong, measure your standing and your power in terms of where you are versus where you want to be, and consider whether the route you’re taking (anything from ridiculously independent to slavishly seeking group approval) is really what you want–sometimes we pursue some course more out of reflex than out of wanting the position we’re building–if you’ve ever found yourself left out of a group, or set upon by an entity that assumes you ‘owe’ them, then you have probably pursued a role you never actually meant to cultivate–and now’s the time to correct any flaws in your approach.

 

On Energy Vampires

From Le Fanu's vampire story 1872

Some excellent advice, from Dr. Judith Orloff on energy vampires

 

Your Relationship Power Balance

A lot of us don’t think about our relationships in terms of power; we like to believe it’s all about romantic attraction, that exciting and mysterious energy that envelopes two people and has what feels like a magnetic quality. That’s the romance part, I think, that it seems we aren’t doing anything to make this electrical charge that creates a field around ourselves and our partner, a field that leaps to life just at the awareness that our special someone is near–so it’s easy to see why we approach partnership as if it’s almost magical (with the more serious-minded among us giving it the scientific-y sounding designation ‘chemistry’). But what underlies this almost supernatural-seeming connection is a real relationship between two individuals–and that means that all that electricity generated by the romance of sexual attraction is involved in a ‘power negotiation’ of major proportions.

So when the amps on the relationship go down, and you start to settle into a real engagement with the partner, blending the time and choices of your individual lives into one, where do you find the power chips falling? Whether you realize it or not, the entire time, from the first ‘hello,’ the two of you have been working out the power parameters of your interaction; who is allowed to do what, express what, show what, be what, have all been worked out. It’s almost like waking up in a fully-formed situation that you only begin to discover as the sheen of romance gives way to the microscopic clarity of every day life. Often, it feels like someone else came up with the arrangement–you find yourself wondering how it was decided that he can do whatever he wants, disappearing for hours (or days) at a time, while you must let him know every detail of your schedule, or you can’t figure out how she moved in, rent free, but still expects you to take her out on a date every night and pay all the bills–and she doesn’t see the need to pitch in with the chores at all, declaring that since it’s your house, you should do it all! These situations can develop almost without our realizing, and the details can come as quite a shock when we see just how things shaped up.

In the natal chart, the location, placement, and interaction with the mate’s natal chart of the asteroid Juno can be extremely telling of the power balance that will exist within a relationship. For the female, Juno is the symbol of her own Self-empowerment–but it’s a long journey from Juno’s initial attempts to gain influence through relationships, exercise of authority, and status to the point of transpersonal expression, wherein Juno is motivated by her own internal strength and need to express. For a man, Juno tells us about who he wants to partner with, both personally and professionally, and its aspects can tell us a great deal about how he feels concerning women in general, and those with power specifically.

For instance, a man’s Juno conjunct a woman’s Venus gives us this: from his viewpoint, partnering with her would be like partnering with love, while from her viewpoint he would seem to have an ideal attitude toward interdependent relationships. Does this indicate she’s his ideal woman? No, his ideal woman is shown by his Venus sign and placement–but, if the Juno/ Venus conjunction is in Virgo, and his Venus is in Capricorn, they might be compatible, as both are in Earth, showing a strong affinity, or if his Sun and/ or Mars are positively aspected to her Venus, this might also show harmony. His expectations for a mate coincide precisely with her values and aesthetics–he would see her as quite appealing, at least in those areas, and she might be financially appealing, as well, perhaps bringing her own means of earning into the relationship, or promising to be low or high maintenance, which meshes with the way he believes a woman should behave. For her, he presents with the conjunction as a very promising candidate for ‘mate’ status–but we’d also have to look at the rest of the chart interaction to see how well she and her empowerment needs would be supported. For example, if his Juno (and of course her Venus) was square her Moon, this suggests that he might not find her emotional needs appropriate for a mate–and she might not, either, since there is disparity in her natal Moon/ Venus square–and that means she may be prone to disregard her own emotional needs in order to make the relationship work. So, in some of these scenarios he would have a definite ‘power advantage,’ while in others she would fare much better–in the end it all depends on the totality of the relationship interaction.

Relationships are complicated things, not easily dissected, and certainly not adequately summed up in a few astrological measurements. Find out more here on Juno, empowerment, and the impact on relationships http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com/ or about relationships in all their glory here http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com/ scroll down to the second blurb

 

‘What You’re Asking’: Man-Problems by Sign

From the recent search-term trends, it seems the ladies are having some trouble understanding their men, and they’re seeking some insight via Sun signs. As my regular readers know, I’m not keen on generalized pronouncements based on Sun placement; if you want to be able to classify individuals with an appropriate label, it’s better to look at all the major placements and see where the ‘weight’ of the chart is. Of course, look at the Sun, Moon, and Ascendant first, as these carry the most influence in terms of expression and personality. Look too for stelliums, many placements in the same sign or element, and for a man look carefully at how Mars’ placement ties in to the identity triumvirate of Sun, Moon, and Ascendant; for a woman look to Venus and her influence. Look also at what the Sun and Moon rule, and at the condition of any dispositors of the big three. (For example, if you have Sun in Taurus and you’re looking for its final dispositor, you look to Venus, ruler of Taurus–in our example this is in Gemini, which is ruled by Mercury, and we find Mercury in Gemini, its own sign–making Mercury the final dispositor of the Sun, since we have no more path to follow. This small sample suggests that Gemini would be a strong sign in the chart, stronger than might first appear, and possibly a more accurate descriptor of inclinations than the Taurus Sun might be).

So, look for what has a strong influence, study subtle energies, and be open to other-than Sun-sign dominance–but of course, always keep it somewhere in your mind, as this is the symbol of the Soul in its present state and intents–and so ultimately always says a great deal about a person’s aims in this life; we don’t always see it as dominating behavior since ‘surface’ energies are often keyed more strongly to Moon, chart ruler (Ascendant ruler), or ruler of the Sun.

All that said and done, you’ll still be able to give someone a label, either by element or sign–and now to our first search term, all answered with the assumption that this is the most characteristic energy for the individual:

what gemini men fear

Gemini men fear a general selection of the things everyone else fears (snakes, heights, bad hair days, waking up naked in public) and one other, tiny thing: words. For Gemini, words have great power; whether they come in the form of conversation, an edict, or thoughts, the Gemini man is likely to be skittish in communication–his nightmare always begins with, ‘We need to talk.’ The result is two extremes, one where he either stops thinking under stress, or overthinks–but the result is always the same, a freeze-up and freeze-out of the mental faculties. That means he lacks an ability to receive or process information at the time this is most critical to himself and to his relationships. If you know that he will automatically receive any communication as stressful, then you can tailor your approach so that something else comes first–so dance with him, make love to him, give him an ice cream cone, and then very gently start communicating. If you can distract him and slip your thoughts over to him like sliding an envelope filled with important papers into a relaxed hand, you’ve got a chance to slip past the fear and initiate communication on a level where he’s very very adept.

how to get a point across to a scorpio man

Your first mistake is to think you’re not getting your point across; Scorpio will retreat at the sting of your idea and show an indifferent exterior, though he’s likely seething inside. He gets ‘it,’ whatever it is; the more you harangue him the more solid will be the appearance of a stony visage that reads like ‘I don’t get it,’ but is really, ‘Step back before I lose my temper.’ When you insist he doesn’t get it, he’s only insulted. Keep a distance, and keep your dignity; Scorpio thinks a great deal less of those who are openly needy or demanding–for them, emotions are to be held deep inside, not splashed all over like cheap perfume.

There’s something else to consider here: that you may carry the belief that, if he got your point, he would agree with it–accompanied by the belief that anyone who doesn’t agree with you does so because they don’t get your reasoning. This attitude can poison the well of relationships, because it leaves no room for disagreement, and an automatic judgment on your part (whether you know you are making it or not) that the person who doesn’t agree with you is unable to grasp your reasoning–in other words, it’s like calling someone stupid, but reallly, really politely   Scorpio is especially adept at reading the below-the-surface messages, so he likely hears your message, doesn’t agree with it, and is angry at your assumptions–all while keeping a chilly stone wall in perfect repair between you.

the unfaithful capricorn

Ah, the duplicitous goat–he is the most loyal of companions, until he isn’t. As I’ve noted before in these pages, Cappy is there for you in the most practical and consistent of ways–and you know he’s withdrawn his affection, and sent it somewhere else, when he stops showing up in all those mundane, serious, day-to-day activities. With Cap, missing his carpool appointment or forgetting to pay the bills or failing to pick you up after work are the most solid declaration he’ll make that he’s not in love, anymore–and you may be hard pressed to get him to admit it, as this man will typically want to withdraw with honor, leaving things unsaid with a final exchange of handshakes and words of cool civility. For more emotional partners, this can be both devastating and carry an air of incompletion. It’s worth knowing, though, that Cap won’t kiss and tell, and will honor the time you did spend together–but if you’re hoping for a re-connection down the road, that’s unlikely–when Cap closes the door to his heart it usually stays very firmly shut–barricaded like a castle drawbridge, moat and all.

aquarius man disappearing act

My guess is that your Aquarius has been gone a lot longer than you think; his mind likely wandered way before his body hit the road. Knowing Aqua man (you don’t mind if I call him that, do you?) he arranged his leave-taking in detail, planning every step, getting everything ready and even developing a soundly-reasoned philosophical argument as to why this is best for you both–but you don’t get to hear this, as the final detail is to shock you with his disappearing act. The surprise and chaos he hopes to engender in you with his vanishing is an effect that feeds his Aquarian ego–so if you want to leave this interaction with some sense of pride and Self-possession, you’ll see that he’s already gone, and turn your attention elsewhere. Deprive this guy of what he really wants, to disturb the electric current of your Being, to take your energy, just for a time, and you leave the relationship having exerted some control over its finale, with your sense of yourself and your priorities intact.

Get relationship help with THE ASTROLOGY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP http://dogandsunflower.wordpress.com

 

“A Conjunction Between Oppositions”

Dear Julie

First and foremost I want to thank you for such marvellous and vividly written astroblogs as they offer so sourceful and in-depth material for us interested to learn astrology. Keep up the good work!

Also excuse me my broken english since it`s not my mother language so I do hope addressing my synastry question is understandable.

I just found out that I`m sharing a synastry pattern that you might want to use as a case-study for your other readers. By this I mean the moon-uranus-opposition of my natal chart falling straight at natal venus opposition pluto of one particular male. So it´s this conjunction between oppositions I`d like to learn more if possible, from astrological point of view. (Also my natal chiron and asc-desc-axis is involved in this which might have some impacts here.)

Unfortunately he doesn`t know the exact time of his birth, but he thinks it`s after eight a.m (that would make him rising Pisces which sort of sounds right for his appearance, neptunian visual art career and such)

Myself I`ve tried to translate this double-aspect as something to do with emotions (which of course with moon opp.uranus is an issue itself) that could be very intense and sort of love-hate-like. The situation in real life is just peachy for the moment being as we get together occasionally, but I sense some changes are on their way..

So I`d be very grateful if you could share some insights of this conjunction between oppositions, what could it indicate? What might be the pitfalls here or are they just deeper levels of attachment yet unknown?

Best wishes and starlights

from

“Hedgehog”

Dear Hedge,

What a lovely phrase you’ve coined: ”a conjunction between oppositions”! Poetic, it perfectly describes the synastric influence, complicated and divinely simplistic, all at once, of oppositions within individual charts that in overlay create conjunctions with another’s chart, and as we know, conjunctions in synastry are by far the strongest factors in describing relationship.

With you, we see a natal opposition between the Moon in Aries and Uranus in Libra; your friend enjoys an opposition between Venus and Pluto, with the former conjunct your Moon, and the latter conjunct your Uranus. So far so good. But the picture isn’t quite this simple; his Mercury, Vesta, Moon, Saturn, Neptune, and Uranus all hook into this configuration by degree range, while in your chart the only contact the opp/conj makes is to the Ascendant/ Descendant axis. Then there is the fact that you have Chiron conjunct the Moon, bringing it into the mix, and your friend has Ceres conjunct his Pluto–all these add dimension to what started out as a relatively straightforward connection. So many energies involved suggests a lot of energies stimulated by the relationship, so that, even if this isn’t a long term or serious relationship, it still brings forward a great deal of energy interaction in the process. But what does this mean?

The Moon/ Venus connection in Aries brings good feeling into the interaction, and likely sympathy and tenderness, as well. This is typically one of the most positive contacts, though we must note that the Venus belongs to the man, suggesting that your emotional picture is in line with his vision of an ‘ideal woman’–and in Aries this implies that an independent nature is probably the ideal on both sides. The contact of Uranus (yours) and Pluto (his) brings together two transpersonal energies, which means the effect is not as intimate, though it does stimulate your romantic interest (Uranus rules your 5th) and his interest in the welfare and resources of others (this includes you) as Pluto rules his 8th.

Chiron conjunct your Moon, though, brings in the primal wound and the Chirotic gift, and links these firmly to the emotional nature and the intuition. This is both a potentially gifted and vulnerable placement, depending for positive manifestation on your ability to separate emotions from everything else–and since this lies on your Descendant, brings a special challenge: are you able to own your own emotional state, or do you succumb to the temptation to project your own feelings onto others? The answer to this will go a long way toward telling you how successfully you’ll use this energy complex, and how much it will affect all your relationships, not just this one.

Your friend has Ceres conjunct Pluto in Libra–right away we are clued in to the way this may echo through his relationships with the duo located in the sign of partners and marriage. This represents a meeting between the lord of the Underworld and his mother-in-law–who just happens to be in charge of all nature, the seasons, and all that is above ground. These two strong gods met to negotiate what started as a kidnapping (though I think that may simply be the cover story for what could have been a willing elopement) of Ceres’ daughter Persephone/ Proserpina by Pluto/ Hades. Persephone herself wasn’t strong enough to hammer out a deal with a major god, so her mother had to step in–and this may signal a built-in internal conflict stirred by all relationships for this individual ( emphasized even more as it falls in his 7th). A Ceres/ Pluto combination may mean the individual is highly skilled at negotiating the darkness and at deploying his own power and destructive energies; he may be very aware of negative or dark impulses and may exaggerate their import for him. He also may be personally amazingly resilient, able to breath new life into ashes, and could hold a strong connection to life and death energies. 

With this Ceres/ Pluto combo touching your Ascendant and Uranus, your personality and most unique character traits leap forward to stimulate this combination in your friend, so that a relationship to you may feel to him as vital, stimulating, even life and death important. Add to this the Moon/ Chiron contact to Venus, and the thought is that care must be taken here–the actions and decisions of the other person can take on exaggerated importance, considering that emotions and hurt, and the all-important feeling of the interaction, are front and center all the time.

The biggest difficulties may come from stressors outside the relationship; when a conflict situation arises in either individual’s life, it could seriously affect the interaction, and the temptation for both persons may be to funnel the tension toward the partner–this will feel natural, but would be potentially quite damaging to the relationship.

Your English, by the way, is quite good; the few little bumps in it don’t really matter, as they’re minor, and you still communicate very well–and that’s the point of language, isn’t it?

Thank you for your kind praise, and many thanks for the “starlights”–no one’s every ‘sent’ me those, before!

Best wishes to your and your friend,

jd

 

Variations on a Theme of Self-Sabotage, Act 3

you like ‘interesting situations’ so here goes:

I made the mistake of reading ahead for me, on ’x’ website, Mr. Y writes these extended horoscopes & i find sometimes they are a wee bit negative at times; kinda got depressed. I have a wonderful man in my life, who i know from h.s. and college–we were just friends back then but via facebook, after 20 years, found each other again, but now, things have gotten romantic. go figure however, a. after a lifetime of heartbreak, he’s not one to get into a committed relationship (tho he calls & is attentive every day), because he feels depressed at times/in a dark place b. he wants to move to LA where i live from NY but for his career predominantly, not for me (tho obviously it would be nice if things were to work once he did get out here). (he is an electrician/musician but wants to be a film composer.) And yet it is wonderful and close at times…really hoping he finds the courage to move here…

After reading these transits (i have put them all in this email) i am worried–if i stick it out, will this relationship eventually solidify? makes me sad to know that this one may not work

in his chart, i can see one transit which deals w him possibly being involved w a younger woman but of course, that’s
just Mr. Y’s interpretation
thanks!

Hi! Since you’ve not supplied a name, I’ll call you Natasha, and like every lovely, exotic, smokey-throated beauty you’re seeking your Boris, that man who’s a perfect partner for you. So, you have the man in your life, and you go looking for information, and what do you (like any curious person would) do? You find transit meanings written by one of the foremost astrologers of our day, and you apply them to the charts of yourself and your smitten kitten, and you believe them–and that last step is where you go horribly, terribly, awfully wrong.

It’s an act of Self-sabotage to assess your relationship in this way–this is where I give the lecture about it being very, very imprudent to interpret a chart a piece at a time–because you end up confused, freaked out, worried, and not much better informed than you started out, and that’s because every transit, for true accuracy and relevance, must be interpreted within the context of the whole chart, and must be scaled to the circumstances of the life. So no matter how good a description is offered of a particular transit, you must use it only as a guideline–and here’s where I say that you must also be aware of the fact that each astrologer is offering interpretation that is unavoidably colored by their personal experience to some degree (some far more than others–one prominent astrologer, who has contributed immensely to the field, is wonderful on theory but tends to interpret every individual chart seen as the chart of someone dysfunctional, injured by heavy family dynamics, likely violated in some form and thus permanently scarred, and any rejection of this idea is labeled ‘denial’–it becomes just like the sane person slapped into the mental institution–the expectations of everyone the person comes in contact with are that anything said is the utterance of someone unbalanced–and suddenly even normal, healthy assertion is seen in a completely inaccurate light!) Put all those factors together, and you’ll understand that reading single interpretations one after the other (and perhaps selectively pulling parts of the interpretations from each as relevant) gives you a goulash that fails to illuminate the life one iota.

Further, Natasha, you may be missing the instrument you really need here, as isn’t this about whether you two will end up together or not? And that requires a comparison of the two natal charts to show points of contact and compatibility (I don’t use composites, though others swear by them and get good results, just because a relationship is an interaction between two people–you don’t lose your individuality and become one melded blob, in my view, though I can think of a few relationships that resemble big melded blobs!)–because isn’t it the strength of what’s between you that counts?

 So I took the liberty of peeking at your chart interaction, and here are a few tidbits: you each see the other as ‘mate’ worthy material, especially you, with his Jupiter conjunct your North Node, which likely feels like being with this guy could deliver the world to you–an exciting feeling, and reciprocally this contact says he likely is very generous in aiding you in your destined direction–though that doesn’t necessarily include him. There is a repeated dynamic between you that suggests struggle, especially struggle between anima energies (this can often show as almost a competition as to who’s more sensitive, who’s more feeling, who’s more creative, artistic, receptive to the sensory world); however, this can be a very, very quiet kind of struggle, not at all overt, so it may read like harmony that can’t get itself together because life circumstances just won’t oblige–there’s always a little something winkling in, a fly in the ointment of your mutual plans, so the refrain becomes, once this is done, worked out, surmounted, we can finally be together. The question then becomes, will you be? Maybe, though chances go lower with your Mercury conjunct his Neptune–that is almost a guaranteed form where the Neptune party resists hearing the Mercury person’s message, and where the Mercury person doesn’t understand what’s conveyed by the Neptune person, either, as every time she tries to communicate with him, it seems impossible to pin him down. But, here’s where personal circumstances come in–since he is a musician, attuned to Neptune (pardon the pun), you could be a source of ideas and inspiration for him, and he a source of inspiration (to communicate) for you–you may almost literally ‘speak’ to his music-oriented persona.

Find an astrologer you trust to assess the chart interaction in full, if you’re so moved, and don’t worry–the form transits take doesn’t trump reality, they reflect it, so if you’re feeling the relationship is essentially good, go with it–and forget it, there’s no such thing as a ‘younger woman comes along and seduces him’ transit!

Good luck, Nat–I hope things work out for you and your musician–

jd

 

Variations on a Theme of Self-Sabotage, Act Two

I am very interested in knowing the right time to meet a life partner (man) for the rest of my life. Afraid to have another one for fear it hurts worse when it ends. Cannot have the wind knocked out of my sails again. Two years ago, betrayed by x-boyfriend who went with my x-friend.  D

Dear D,

Who isn’t interested in knowing this? But it is Self-sabotaging to refuse to participate in relationship unless you get a guarantee that this person won’t hurt you–and that only happens if you’re not involved emotionally, so how rewarding or interesting could that relationship be? Not to mention he won’t find it terribly compelling to date someone who literally does not care. You may think it’s more reasonable to request the right time to meet the perfect life partner, than to request to directly know who he is and when he’s arriving–but the fact is that again, you’re asking for a guarantee, as if everything is pre-determined and I just have to look it up–and it’s not.

Take care or, confused, he could ride right on by

It almost sounds like you are hoping to know precisely the right time to lower the emotional drawbridge and let prince charming cross into your heart. I don’t blame you one bit–who wants to be hurt if they don’t need to be? But that is exactly the point: if you don’t stay open to relationship, you won’t have the heart opening, bending, and molding experiences that will make you the exact right person for the life partner when he does come along–he will instead see only a castle with a lovely damsel in it and an impassable moat–and he will ride right on by.

Damsels must remain emotionally accessible, in order to find love.

So please, D, consider that life really is, to use a tired old cliche that is absolutely correct, a journey, and know that the answer isn’t closing up emotional shop until a specified period of time–what if I gave you a possible time to meet an excellent partner, and some boob muscled in there ahead of the ‘right’ guy and you opened up to him, thinking it was the right guy–what a mess! Then you’d think astrology was a crock (or perhaps that I’m incompetent), or that maybe there was no one for you, and all the while the right one was there, waving from afar, and your skewed timing, your insistence on trying to control the experience, meant the two of you would never meet?

No, if you want love, you have to continue to love, it’s that simple. The real challenge is not to mistake attraction, lust, mating fever, an image, desperation, or hormones for love–we all do, and that’s what leads to 90% of heartbreak. So, concentrate on recognizing, seeing, and participating in real love all you can–and it will come to you, just exactly when it should.

And an aside to D and all who would look for information from an astrologer: we need date, time, and place–without ALL of these, we cannot draw an accurate chart–and no, time zones cannot be used in place of location. jd