Romance Roulette + Purple Haze


Hi Julie

Great to see the first post up on your new relationship blog. I’m sure it will be a lot of fun. With plenty of 7th house transits… which brings me to mine. I have Saturn blasting away through my 7th at the moment and at times, it really does my head in.

Seven months after my husband got tired of being married, I met Mr C quite unexpected just before Saturn moved into Virgo in September 07. By Xmas time I was in love with him and although afraid, I confessed my feelings. Even though we are very different, we had a lot of fun together, talked a lot, beautiful sex, really all very lovely. Except he was as scared as me, bearing deep scars from his previous marriage. Another difficulty was that we lived two hours apart and he worked 3-weeks-on/3-weeks-off on a gas rig while I work regular hours. When he was home, his daughter stayed with him on weekends which is when I’d visit. Maybe we were doomed because we expected to be doomed. I believe (know?) that he loved me but he never voluntarily, directly said so and that was a problem for me.

Anyway, the August 08 eclipses roll around and after a lovely day out (17 Aug), I started the conversation that we’d had before but this time it inevitably culminated in a ‘break’ where I gave Mr C time and space to think (during which time my divorce was finalised) – as opposed to the ‘break up’ which happened mid-Oct just after Uranus went retrograde. Since then we’ve been in semi-regular (often drunk and emotional) contact with a couple of rendevous. My feelings for Mr C are still unresolved.

So then, New Year’s Eve, and Saturn goes retrograde. I meet this fabulous bloke, possibly an actual real-live fully grown man. (Sorry that was bitter. My ex-husband had issues with his mother and wanted to be a child rather than have them. Wish he’d told me that before we married…) All through January, Mr L takes me out, calls and texts. I’m impressed by his relaxed confidence and and flattered by his nervousness (a wonderful contradiction). Then the January eclipse. He bails on me two-hours before a play (thankfully a friend had agreed to be on ‘stand by’ for me because I had a feeling…), stops calling and frequency of texts drops dramatically. Mitigating factors: his interstate daughter is visiting and he works in finance which I hear is kind of crazy at the moment. So I think ‘Oh well, maybe he’s just not that into me’ and back right off. But every few days, he texts me. This has been going on all through February. Via text, I’ve asked him if I’ll actually see him again in the flesh (with a joking tone). He says, as emphatically as one can in a text message, that he does want to see me again but he never asks me out. I’ve never come across this before and find it strange and somewhat amusing.

I’ve noted Mr C has Venus opposite Uranus in his natal chart, and Mr L has these same planets conjunct. And there are some superficial similarities: both men have daughters from previous relationships; Mc C financial trainwreck but Mr L financially savvy; both love their cars… Am I playing out Uranus transiting my first house by dallying with men who value freedom in relationships because I have no desire to commit to anyone but myself? And yet, despite this desire for freedom, even to the point of acknowledging that I have little to offer in a relationship at this time, I am persistently stalked by a deep fear of being alone. I don’t have the strength or desire to banish these men from my life because they provide light-hearted relief from the persistent soul-mining that I am powerless to stop.

Sorry, Julie, I’m not even sure what question I’m asking. Maybe I’ve answered my own incoherent question? Or maybe you’ll be able to type some sense into me? Birth details below. I’ve even throw in the ex-husband… and just noted that his ascendant is nearly the same as Mr L’s… and that his Venus and Uranus are quincunx. So maybe that’s my question, what is it with me and these blokes with Venus-Uranus contacts? I’ve got a wide square between these planets… Is that the problem?

I think as far as this situation goes, a little bit of astrological knowledge is a dangerous thing. Thanks for sharing your time and wisdom.
Ms K

Hello Ms K,

Thank you for your kind words–and, looking at the charts of Mr. C and Mr. L in comparison to your own, I see how confusing this must be for you.

I think your perception that your reactions are linked to Uranus’ transit of your 1st is right on, and to a very Uranian fear of loneliness/ freedom dilemma, though I don’t think it’s the whole answer to your interaction with these two men. For you, the combo of Venus / Uranus unites the 3rd, 8th, and 12th, equalling a recipe for subconsious material to be funneled into communications/ thoughts and into your assessment of what a potential partner has to offer–so at least in part, you’re looking at subconscious material when you’re responding to the Venus/ Uranus in others or in yourself. Within your own chart you cite them as having a wide square, but I would follow the closer aspects that unite the energies via contact to your Sun/ Juno conjunction (semi-square to Venus, trine to Uranus)–this suggests that you are responding at least in part to a feeling that following these urges will lead to empowerment. And, with Venus trine your Neptune, ruler of your ASC, you are probably aware that generally you may have a perceptual ‘blind spot’ in love.

With Mr. C there are contacts between your charts that exaggerate attraction, but that are not really harmonious, such as his Juno, Venus, Chiron conjunct your Mars, Jupiter, Chiron–these fall in your 2nd of Self-worth and Self-image, and you may be responding to a sense that this could be a healing and empowering relationship–but with him holding the Venus card, and you holding the Mars card, we see a basic conflict in ‘flipped’ energies, plus Chiron obviously can bring forward the deep hurt. Further, and most important, His Sun/ Jupter conjunction squares your Sun/ Juno conjunction–and could we ask for anymore feeling that this is the mate? No, and we also couldn’t see a more convincing mix for eventual unhappiness, once the honeymoon is over (see my material on Juno at for an explanation about the relationship between Juno and Jupiter/ Zeus).

With Mr. L your Neptune conjuncts his Mercury, so that it’s likely that you don’t really see what he’s communicating (or are inspired by it, or it plays to all your fantasies of what you’d like to hear!) But the most important thing may be your Pluto conjunct his Moon; he may be strongly attracted to you because he perceives you as mysterious, dangerous, and off limits! Which brings me to his behavior–if I were to write a description of how a man would behave if he were married and trying to keep someone on the side, that would be it. You said yourself you “had a feeling” you couldn’t count on him–and you are right.


Hello Julie,

I’m curious about some neptune aspects in a relationship with a new partner.
A few brief things that might clarify my confusion/curiosity
and thank you in advance for considering my question. I appreciate it very much.

1. met him only 2 1/2 months ago. i moved into a community home. he is my roommate.

2. strong attraction. sexual chemistry huge. we only began seeing one another a month on the new moon ago. we’re very deep already (8th house stuff?)

3. it feels confusing. strong resonance on a lot of levels. open communication. too much processing. difficult things coming up for us both. mostly relating to trust. he has pot usage in his life, i don’t want to date pot. i really like him and feel almost addicted to him. it’s frustrating.

question: intuition/feelings tell me to stop now. also, my perception feels hazy and i feel maybe to try it longer. is this related to neptune stuff and should i be careful or trust also what feels transformative? it’s really confusing.

signed, S

Hello S,

I think this feels like Neptune to you for good reason, only part of which is astrological. Since your Neptunes are conjunct, that tells us two things: we must look to the aspects that are not same energy conjunctions for meaning, and that everything each of the Neptunes aspects in its own chart the other person’s Neptune aspects as well. The aspect that stands out most is that his Jupiter sextiles both Neptunes–so exaggeration of your Neptune qualities and his is a given.

His Nodal axis to your Nodal axis and your Sun/ Earth axis suggests a feeling of destiny in the contact–but that is more of a choice-shaping energy, rather than a cue to stay together. His Venus conjuncts your Chiron in Aries–you may feel he offers pure love that can heal, he may feel you offer healing to his love nature–but of course, deep wounding is a potential as well. And your Mars/ Juno/ Venus meets his Ceres and offers an elemental attraction–all these are instinctive draws toward contact.

But, his Saturn/ Vesta opposed your Venus says he may tend to ‘plant a flag’ wherever he lives, just as a matter of course–and your Venus was wide open to this, though the implication is that if not you, he would find someone else in close proximity–it’s just his MO. So, the compelling and special feelings that draw you are based more on instinctive, almost animal responses, rather than on the formation of a true interaction.

There’s one other point, as well: you don’t know him, you only know him plus pot–very very Neptunian, and never likely to be moved beyond, with its contact to Jupiter in his chart–the society he seeks out will always support this manifestation of the Neptune energy, very likely. And since you (very wisely) don’t want to date pot . . .

As long as you’re not looking for something that will actually become a well-rounded relationship, this can serve, but I’m convinced that you’ll be disappointed in the end, as his chart indicates that, if the ship you’re on goes down, and he has to choose between saving you and saving his stash, well, you know where I’m going with this.

Good luck, S–I would say that your intuition is spot on in its prompt to back away from this involvement–it’s not easy with this chart interaction, but make your decisions with as much clarity, and care for yourself, as you can.


PS S, I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to gather some opinions here–it might benefit you to see how others might weigh out your situation.

2 thoughts on “Romance Roulette + Purple Haze

  1. Ms K March 3, 2009 / 4:03 pm

    Thanks for your good advice Julie. It confirms what I relunctantly know deep down.

    I do wish being perceived as ‘mysterious, dangerous and off-limits’ wasn’t so appealing! Unfortunately I am incredibly curious about what the truth behind Mr L is…

    You’re welcome, Ms K. I, too, am curious about Mr L, and hope that when you do find out you’ll come back and share the outcome with us! In the meantime, do take care

  2. Ms K March 3, 2009 / 10:29 pm

    Will definitely report back from the other side of the looking glass. 🙂

    I’m having trouble deciding which way to go on the poll for S. Theoretically, it’s ‘best’ to follow one’s intuition but maybe by doing so, one misses out on valuable life experiences… and I’m as you may gather from my own story above, I’m definitely one for ‘I know but I’m going to do it anyway’.

    I’m a little confused by the North American terminology. Clarification may help my polling decision. Is a ‘community home’ what Aussies call a share house? ie your own bedroom but shared living, kichen, bathroom?

    Ms S may need to correct me, but as I understand it, she is in a house where she also shares a bedroom–but in other respects it’s much the same as a share house, just a bit more commune-like (as in this case there may be common-bond beliefs and life goals).

    And I look forward to your report, ‘Alice’!

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