Thoughts on ‘The Bachelor’

The folly of trying to find a mate on prime-time television is just that, folly; how can anyone believe that those involved will act honestly, with the awareness of cameras and the constraints of the form? (The bachelor or bachelorette must narrow the race to two persons, and create a mystery surrounding which is preferred, right up to the end.) Though there is something incredibly sad about using human relationships for entertainment, there is something fascinating, as well, as the true student of human nature finds it hard to let the opportunity to observe courtship, no matter how artificially contained and manipulated, pass without a look. Yes, I have seen some of this show–and I’m surprised at what is not being said today, after his proposal to one, rejection of the other, then about-face within six weeks that had him breaking it off on television and pursuing the previously discarded one, all done with a straight face. big-honkin-diamond

It’s tempting to believe this was all orchestrated for ratings; and yet, this bachelor’s behavior smacks of the worst of in-the-moment living. Each time he speaks, he’s steeped in sincerity; in that moment, he actually seems to believe whatever he is passionately espousing. And yet, his emotional states are so ephemeral, and he becomes so easily disillusioned the moment the ideal is breached, that he becomes that most fickle of individuals, one who is hyper-sensitive to the changes to his own emotional state and oblivious to those of others. Despite all his protestations that he understands how it feels to be rejected (as he was the rejected one of the final two on a previous ‘Bachelorette’) the sense is that he is profoundly uncaring of what he puts others through; it’s all about him, to the exclusion even of the potential partner.

Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised at this; what other result can we expect from a culture that preaches one’s own satisfaction must trump any other consideration? It’s the same culture that tells us everyone should expect to win, that everyone deserves fame, and that one’s own ‘dream,’ no matter what it costs others, should be pursued? Does anyone stop to ask if that dream makes any sense, is of any worth, is just an indulgence of ego? (Not to mention that a true dream is about what we can contribute, and thereby be, rather than about what we might get.) And who promised anyone, and this Bachelor in particular, that relationships are magical things that must meet the ideal (no matter how unreal that is) in every regard?

This Bachelor makes things particularly difficult, since in the moment his actions do match his words–and maybe that’s the real vice of the ‘Live in the Moment’ movement, that, without a history and a future, true relationships are unable to exist, much less thrive and grow, as there’s no loyalty to anything but the satisfaction of shallow, momentary feeling.

ADDENDUM: I would not be surprised if we don’t hear about Mr. Mesnick during the Venus retrograde, specifically that he has once again changed his mind, and is trying to re-unite with either the original Bachelorette he was associated with or with the engaged-then-discarded young lady of recent days. Stay tuned!

See some very good Moon advice here

This post is for reader April, who brought up the subject in her comment on ‘Conscious Relationship,’ at Thanks, April!

2 thoughts on “Thoughts on ‘The Bachelor’

  1. April March 4, 2009 / 5:45 am

    Thanks, Julie! Very interesting. I agree with your insights completely.

  2. Jazz May 14, 2009 / 7:57 pm

    Yes, this show is quite like watching a trainwreck – endlessly fascinating and yet too gruesome to watch for long.

    I never liked this particular bachelor because he seemed to be so insincerely sincere…the confusing thing about him, though, is what you pointed out – that he is convincing in his sincerity because HE has successfully fooled himself about what kind of guy he is (considerate, kind, caring, etc) and what type of woman he wants (a family-oriented, fun, exciting, etc). I was extremely disappointed to learn that he shares the same birthday with me (thanks to the stalker contestant revealing this information on the show) because I find his emotional manipulation of those women terrifying/disgusting (they fell for him BECAUSE he seemed to be such a nice guy). And yet I have been accused of being a heartbreaker in the same vein as this Bachelor – and for the same reasons. Drawing in people who become emotionally attached and feeling that I am also emotionally attached..but then also realizing that my feelings were a result of only being caught up in the moment of emotional sharing…but those feelings are fleeting and changing, which does leave me just as confused as the person I’m involved with. So while I judge him harshly, I can also understand where he’s coming from.

    Btw, he’s a Cancer….and I believe everything you wrote in your post about sulking, moody Cancer men applies to this Bachelor. He only cared about how the woman would fulfill HIS needs and fit into HIS life. Not once did I hear him ask himself what he would be bringing to the table or how he would fit into the life of any of the bachelorettes. He was packaged as the “nice single dad” but he came off as a self-centered jerk to me time and time again.

    I couldn’t agree more–but your excellent Self-awareness and honest sincerity certainly separates you from the Bachelor, who, as you pointed out, never considered the needs of the other person, while it seems that you are very much concerned with the welfare of those with whom you interact–so I’d guess that those who accused you of being a heartless heartbreaker may have been engaging in the projection of intent that reflects more their anger or disappointment (their demand for your attention and regard) than it does anything you did–it simply sounds like you are charming!

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