Are You Too Clingy?

We all have insecurities; often they are very very particular to who we are and what we’ve experienced. We can see those vulnerable areas in the natal chart, the general psychic spots that we may try to protect, or that may make us flinch when they’re touched. Sometimes we armor them, keep them hidden, even try to put them forward as strengths; other times we may try to deal by wearing these vulnerabilities like a badge that says, “Have mercy! I’m wounded here–never ever ever touch, or you’re a bad person!” An understandable manipulation, when we feel we have no alternative. We may even use them to bond with others; “Look, I’m trusting you, baring the soft underbelly of my emotional Self” and again the message may be, if you injure that sensitive spot, you are in the wrong. It can make relationships a minefield of tender and forbidden areas that only make us even more sensitive than we might otherwise be. romeo-and-juliet-4

So where does clinginess come in? As a reaction (one of many possible) to our fears of inadequacy or potential hurt. That links clinginess firmly to Saturn, which may be unexpected; we tend to see Saturn as making rigid boundaries, putting things in a box, wherever it goes, but Saturn represents both our fears and ambitions–and what better sums up an intimate relationship than as an amalgam of potentials of hurt and togetherness (the kind of togetherness that can change our reality, our lifestyle or even our status, all expressions of Saturn).

Clinginess is essentially a persistent demand, very Saturnian: I must be reassured things are the way I want them to be, expect them to be; not a healthy attitude, which in this case we can define as someone feeling the strength and confidence to interact with others in a way that supports autonomy for all. This can be very subtle, though, and can spring almost without our realizing it from the bonding process itself; as soon as there’s a ‘we,’ there’s potential to lose our boundaries. When we do, it’s an unspoken statement of distrust, of our mate, our relationship, and ourselves.

We can also look for information in the state of our Mars (how straighforward am I?), our Venus (what do I expect from relationships in general, and love in particular?), our Neptune (how closely am I aligned with my ideals, with fantasy, with deception or delusion?) and Chiron (under particular circumstances that link the primal hurt to others).

Association with certain Houses also brings more of a chance that relationships will be affected by a placement or rulership, with the 5th (romance), 7th (mate, partner, all others), 8th (other people’s resources), and 10th (what others see, who don’t know us personally, our reputation), though we can’t forget the peripheral influence available with the 3rd (communication), 2nd (Self-worth), 11th (friendship), and 12th (subconscious influence). For instance, Saturn in the 5th is far more likely to figure in the romance scenario than Saturn in the 9th.

Do we all have a bit of clingy possibility in our charts? Yes. How do we prevent it? Chiefly by not placing fear at the center of our relationships. Once fear has a toehold, many many unflattering Saturnian behaviors can spring from it. Factors that combat it can include a strong Sun (firm sense of Self and identity), a well-supported Venus (Love!), and a Moon that expresses in the positive (good emotional outlook–goes a long way toward squelching fears).

Next up: a ‘Clinginess Quiz’ to ferret out the ways we might be wrapping ourselves, vine-like, around our sweethearts! 

Try my books, including THE ASTROLOGY OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP available in pdf by email! and my astrology blog here

One thought on “Are You Too Clingy?

  1. Nicole September 3, 2011 / 12:57 pm

    Going through the archives! Ugh! Where was I when this was written? lol I’m definitely glingy. As you know, I have Venus Sq. Saturn and I do suffer from insecurities, especially in relationships (This is why I tend to avoid relationships all together). The last person I was with was a Sagittarius (Venus in Sagittarius as well!) And his need for freedom, made me even more insecure, and clingy.

    Who knows. Maybe one day I’ll figure this relationship thing out. *sigh*

    Don’t worry, Miss Nicole, you will 🙂

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