I have been following your articles on Sasstrology and I am also following the constant reference of your work from other astrology sites. I know how highly capable you are in answering these questions I have.
My marriage, now on its 13th year, is being tested by an affair my husband got into middle of 2008. I learned of this only at the start of this year.
It’s been a roller coaster three months since I found out. I’m not so sure where we are now. Our relationship is in limbo. And I am feeling so negative, I feel it’s going to end.
I’ve gone from passive (showing so much love and understanding) to aggressive (anger and resentment) in trying to deal with it.
My husband has gone from loving me back (because I showed love and understanding) to lately displeased with me as my anger and impatience has over taken my emotions (there is a lot to handle in three months!).
In all of this, my husband has chosen to remain in our home. Whether that’s out of love or whether it’s because he is *such* a Taurus, the fact of the matter is — he still hasn’t stopped his affair. Right now, there’s three of us in the marriage.
While he plans to move out this month….which he says is only temporary and he is doing this to “find himself, find the answers”…. I do not believe that this will ultimately be a fruitful one for the marriage. In my heart, I think I’ve come to accept defeat, believing the truth that my husband is already gone. Yet, there are things he does even to this day that tells me I could be wrong. We have tried talking about this but somehow we both end up getting more confused. I communicate in black and white, while my husband is rather in the gray area, keeping me guessing and hoping (to which he’d say he does not intend to do).
I try to read his chart but I am basically a newbie with all of this. I do know his got such a terrible Pluto transit ongoing and it is really messing him all up.
My saner self believes there is no way I should tolerate this affair and that I should begin getting out of the triangle, let him go, move on with my life without him if I don’t want to get hurt any further…. he will soon realize what he lost.
But the other part of me believes that in saving the marriage and showing what my husband is eventually going to lose, I will have to shower him with patience, even more love and understanding no matter how much it hurts….he should eventually “come around”.
What do you think works best in this case?
Thank you for looking into my problem.
Thank you for your confidence in me–I’m going to test it now in two ways: one, by speaking to your own feelings about your marriage, and two, by talking in large terms about the astrological interaction–I’ll cite a minimum of astrological contacts, just because this is a sticky web that would take far too long to delineate completely–and I don’t mean to imply that this is a more profound contact than is usual, it’s that the details won’t illuminate the condition, but distract from it.
After examining each chart alone, then looking at the interaction between you, I have to agree with what you term your “saner self”–you should not tolerate this unloving treatment by your husband. You seem to have an unrealistic idea of duty (Pisces on the 6th) that carries an expectation of and acceptance of wounding (Chiron in 6th); further, his Vesta/ Mercury/ Moon makes out of sign conjunction to your 7th House Mars–and with the correct mix of projection and reception, this may make you feel that his emotional happiness is sacred, that he fits your image of the ‘ideal man/ mate,’ and that it is your sacred duty (these are the two key words concerning your feelings about this man) to put up with his Self-absorbed and Self-indulgent macho nonsense.
You aren’t still wondering what I think of his behavior, are you? You are a faithful, kind, loving, and overly accepting woman, very much dedicated to living your ideals, who has not committed to this man lightly–and I honor your willingness to do what it takes to preserve your marriage–but I believe that when one person treats another as he has treated you (and continues to manipulate and use you on a daily basis), that there is no marriage still existing to save. He has already disgarded his vows and disrespected you, quite openly–and by doing so has nullified your spiritual bond and announced that he no longer regards you as his partner–now you must see, believe, and accept this, as you must respect and care for yourself enough not to pretend that whether the relationship exists or not is his decision to be made in his own time.
One reason he chose you is an easy ability to project onto you the idea that you restrict him as a man, and perhaps limiting his desires and even suppressing love (your Saturn conjunct his Venus/ Mars)–you do not in reality appear to do this, instead offering support and requiring him to live up to his own idea of himself as a man–and this is vital to his success, with his Mars at 29 degrees of Gemini; without your influence his likely outlet becomes a stance of ‘all talk, no action,’ and perhaps would manifest as him connecting all Venusian facets of life to an exaggerated action/ manliness factor–and with his Aries Moon conjunct Vesta ruling his 7th, the idea that he allows himself a great deal of changeability in response to an attitude toward the mate (meaning, he may feel entitled to behave as he likes in the moment), and the Cancer ruler/ emotions deemed sacred by the Vesta conjunction, he may see no reason to accomodate anyone else’s emotional needs, or to recognize his own obligations, duty, or to honor vows made or the spousal relationship at all–as far as he’s concerned, you (and any mate he has at any time) exist to support him (and his indulgences)–your needs just aren’t ‘real’ to him.
Your marriage was an opportunity for him to live up to his own Self-image, and a challenge for him to be his best Self, that you were uniquely suited to assist him with–tough transits have brought this forward, and instead of rising to the challenges and responsibilities he has chosen to maintain a fantasy of himself and his effectiveness as a man–and his lack of concern and love for you limits, no, negates any positives that might arise from you being together–the relationship doesn’t serve you any longer, and your challenge is to recognize this and treat yourself with the love and respect your partner has chosen not to supply.
So, Alpha, your Omega, your end here, is very clear: time to love yourself, and move forward. You need a partner who shares your high ideals, integrity, and willingness to love and commit to marriage. Best wishes, and much good luck,
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