Leave the Crowd, Find Yourself

Dear Julie, I’ve been fascinated by the depth of your answers to peoples issues and thought perhaps you might shed some light on my current fog. I find myself at this point in time a single mother of a young son, no relationship even faintly on the horizon and no real friends to speak of (lots of acquaintances but no one close). I’m intelligent, kind, considerate, well-educated and (I’m told) good looking, so I’m feeling at a bit of a loss as to how and why I got to this point. I spent the last 16 or so years involved on and off with a spiritual development group which I’m now moving away from as I’m really fed up with the hypocrisy of ‘highly connected’ people who seem to be all intellect and have no heart, no compassion for their fellow man. Although I learned a lot from it, I feel like I spent a lot of time and energy being manipulated by by people who were not genuine in it and just wanted to control me. So no more of that thank you.

I’ve always thought of myself as a self sufficient kind of person, but now I feel desperately trapped – part of me still loves the sense of being responsible to no one but myself but increasingly I feel so lonely, its as if something in me has realised that life is nothing without real friends and the companionship of one special person, forget money, material things, none of this means anything without someone or some people to share it with.

I went back to college last year and have been slowly trying to come out the isolation I’ve been in since splitting up with my son’s father 18 months ago, but I swear it feels sometimes that the world just doesn’t see me or register my presence somehow. I really fell for my tutor in a big way, he’s the same age as me, but although he seemed to be interested he’s been behaving on-off-on-off. Nothing has happened and I am at a loss to understand what he really feels, but he’s a Cancer, so I guess that’s par for the course. And maybe it’s all just projection anyway. I’m starting to wonder what kind of vibes I give off, as men seem to look at me, watch me but never approach me.

Can you shed any light on all this astrologically? It looks to me like I’ve got some difficult 1st, 4th and 7th house placements but any advice will be gratefully received.

Many Thanks
C

Dear C,

It may be a little soon to be looking for a significant relationship, simply because you are still finding yourself. Group involvement may have seemed like your destiny (North Node in the 11th conjunct the Earth), but that placement is really about, in your case, discovering what unique ability you can offer the world; and with a Uranus/ Pluto/ Ceres conjunction in the 1st group membership may have seemed like a way to fulfill that nagging urge to obliterate those things about you that are different, to blend in–but those unique facets of the Self, as you’ll see, are the key to moving forward.

It was inevitable that at some point you’d need to break away from group identity, as your Jupiter sesquiquadrate to Earth says that your needs in the material world don’t really mesh with what the society you keep demands. Transits tell the story for you, and hint at appropriate pastimes that will let things develop.

Your sense of not being seen (or perhaps of being seen but not understood) is shown by transiting Neptune, which has been passing through the 6th of everyday activities, and is now approaching the Descendant; this promises that once it slips into the 7th you might be more visible, but the rest of the world (including possible partners) may be very hard to assess–or, if projected, the energy may continue to make you basically invisible to others. The danger during Neptune’s transit of the 7th is that either you will become involved with others who may not be what you see them as, or who may even outright deceive you, or that it will be very hard for others to feel sure they know who you are. It’s a tough transit for anyone, but may be the Universe’s way of keeping you from involvement so that you may develop your personal gifts and outlook.

Pluto, ruler of your 4th of deepest Self, is moving through the 5th, and that paints a picture where your ideas of romance and creativity as they relate to who you are change drastically. This also seems to be a somewhat common transit during the child raising years for those who will face many challenges through parenthood–but don’t worry, that just suggests that the things you learn through your child will be life and outlook altering for you, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing at all.

Saturn is traveling through the 1st and approaching the 2nd, which is an excellent time for schooling. Saturn in this quadrant of the chart asks us to study, formally or informally, to become introspective, sort out what we really need and want, and to prepare internally for a gradual debut that begins when Saturn hits the 4th, and slips into high gear when it passes into the 7th.

So now, back to that key to finding yourself that will unlock all the potentials inherent in you. At least in part, this involves the Uranus (individuality, uniqueness, innovation, intellectual acuity) energies transformed or changed and the power and control gained from this (conjunction to Pluto), and the clue to what those energies might be is found in Ceres’ conjunction to Uranus/ Pluto: a powerful connection to mother earth, to nature, to the nurturing role, and an ability to wield power and negotiate life. A Virgoan approach (attention to detail, organization, the ability to gather in ‘the harvest’) using imagination, sensitivity to the Collective, and creativity (Ceres sextile Neptune) are elements you must use to reveal to yourself who you are.

Chiron in Pisces hints that you indeed have a gift related to creativity and/ or an ability that connects directly to the welfare of the Collective, and placed in the 7th this will be expressed eventually in partnership of some kind, whether with a mate or on a larger scale of ‘others.’ So I think this period is about finding your unique abilities, about discovering who you are and what you have to give or share, and developing an effective means to do this through finding an appropriate role in the world; if I had to choose a general label for you, I would in the broadest sense call you a gardener, a nurturer, someone who creates in league with Mother Nature in some strongly Earth or Gaia related way. Take your time, concentrate on yourself and on your son, and as who you are takes distinctive shape those who are compatible will show up for you, just as you need them. Looking for a partner right now guarantees you will accept people and situations that are not right for you or your son; as long as the focus remains on others you’ll remain lonely–concentrate on bringing forward your uniqueness, and the world and all its potentials will open up to you.

Best wishes,

Julie

One thought on “Leave the Crowd, Find Yourself

  1. Jazz May 14, 2009 / 5:50 pm

    Such a wonderful response, Julie.

    Thanks, Jazz

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