Astute reader/ astrologer/ dream analyst aello asked in comments for more on the difficulties of dealing with men in a funk (or is that funky men?) and I think this is something we could all use. Is it manipulative to look into someone’s nature so that we can better get along and avoid upset? Maybe, just as it’s manipulative to steer a car or learn the ways of a snake in order to avoid the strike–sometimes knowledge gives an essential, benevolent advantage–we know how much energy can be dissipated in trying to decipher the reasons behind withdrawal, sudden indifference, or touchiness–and with that in mind we’ll look briefly at each zodiac sign (except for Cancer, covered in an earlier post) for typical dysfunctions and effective ways to respond. These definitions could apply to Sun in a sign, Ascendant sign, or Mars in a sign–or even, when a man is older or acting in the role of ‘father,’ the response may align with the sign Saturn is in. If the response seems especially emotional, he may be lost in his Moon–and more than anything, may need your aid.
Aries displays all the lashing-out to be expected from a wounded ego–the trouble is, it may be hard to find anything that isn’t affront-worthy and ego connected! Everything seems to relate back to him–and in order to deal with this behavior, you have to look at things the same way, as if it’s the world vs. Mr. Man–and suddenly you see that the assault mode he’s in is inspired by a perception of attack. It’s almost assured that you’ve done little or nothing that’s causing this reaction, yet the way to handle it is to speak directly to his ego, letting him know (in terms that may seem absurdly literal) that you respect him, his autonomy, and his right to act–and this is usually all it takes for him to see you as an ally, and to muster his Will in service of a co-operative effort.
With Taurus upset is often shown as a slowing, slowing, slowing of energy, an inertia bordering on catatonia. Monumental stubbornness signals a feeling of loss of control, and the way to reassure a Taurean sensibility is to re-connect it with the senses. This is the man who can be fed, massaged, or sang back to a good mood, who’ll enjoy time in the outdoors or handling materials that earth him–look to his Venus to know what sensory aspects will appeal.
Gemini clams up with you, and maybe indulges in the ultimate Gemini ‘adultery’: sharing with, gossiping, and just generally talking to someone else. Info becomes a carefully controlled commodity, and the Gemini-strong man may be feeling particularly vulnerable to what he may have said to you in the past. Something is making him him fear that you will use what you know against him–so reassurance that you can be trusted becomes the salve his overactive mentality needs.
The brilliance of the light emanating from an upset Leo is akin to being in the flash zone of a nuclear blast: you think you might melt, and are left disoriented–just what was that about, anyway? The Leonine sensibilities are set off by a violation of something the Leo sees as relating to the heart of his identity, and you must ask yourself, what in his world is not reflecting back his idea of who he is? When you find the dissonance, you’ll understand just how vulnerable the Leo is behind the bluster and shine, and you can restore the lost commodity of confidence.
When Virgo becomes critical or too-much fixated on what seems like irrelevant detail, you can be sure he feels unsure of the facts, or the expected outcome–a simple re-connection with reality may be all it takes. Too, getting him back out in nature, especially if the activity relates to an effort toward results (‘the harvest’) will help re-align his mood and center his footing back on earth.
Oh Libra, why so passive-aggressive, with your iron-fist-in-velvet-glove attitude aimed firmly at the mate? The sabotaging of the partnership is the Libra man’s cry for help–and it may be seated in a fear that the feminine (Venus) is overtaking him. The sensual and aesthetic side of Venus can feel like a huge vulnerability to the Libra man, and the answer to the insecurity may be found in emphasizing how Venusian he is not (wink wink).
Scorpio‘s sting can be very cold, as if he’s dropped you into the depths of the icy cave of his Soul–of course, this is just how it feels, because he’s seething underneath–but why? With the Scorpion it’s either a fear that he is being destroyed, or a fear that he is disintegrating, likely triggered by external changes he can’t affect. Scorpio needs to feel the power is in his own hands once again, so your mission, should you choose to accept it, isn’t really impossible–just show him, in whatever way fits his world, that he is indeed in control after all.
When disturbed Sagittarius will wander–not cheat, necessarily, more like he’ll head off mentally for new horizons (a few will actually walk away). This happens because he’s been thwarted in some attempt to expand, because he suddenly perceives he’s been tied-down in some way, or because the horizon just looks greener than it does right here. Sag is a pioneer, an explorer, and at base he may ‘check out’ every time things become uncomfortable. Note how his sense of freedom (not his actual freedom) is being violated, and make sure that, even though he remains symbolically tied to you, he has plenty of rope–by offering just the right amount of support, he’ll never know you’re holding the other end, just in case he falls.
Capricorn offers a stern warning–and that’s when everything’s going well! Internal discord causes him to either clamp down like a vise, or totally withdraw, halting his usual laying down of the law, constructive activity, and contributing to his 401K–all the things you can count on and set your watch by. Again it’s about control–but with Cap it centers on a fear of chaos, and a certainty that if he’s not making the rules, no one else will (or they’ll do it badly, another of his favorite excuses for taking over!) Cap needs a combination of a wake-up call (where it’s made clear what really is in his province) and a re-connect to reasonable standards–half the time he’s simply taken the natural Saturnian inclinations too far for his own good.
Ah, the Aquarius man can reason with the best of them–and will reason you both into a cold, sterile corner if he doesn’t maintain perspective. Reliance on his intellect, coupled with the attractive idea that rebellion from ‘what is’ is a possibility at any moment, may make him when under pressure behave as a Self-destructive machine. This is usually a reaction to a fear that he doesn’t understand something that’s going on around him–and the only way he can think to cope seems to be to put the mind into overdrive. Here approach through the Moon, or through Neptune as an indicator of the spiritual–use Moon and Neptune related messages to reassure and show him that there are limits to what the mind can handle.
A stressed Pisces may zone out, toke up, or escape any way he can. What you need to understand here is that Pisces actually believes his chosen coping mechanism is a remedy. He probably won’t realize how destructive his choices are in terms of ignoring the real issue–and spaciness out of fear of inadequacy to meet the challenge is the likely motivator. Pisces can feel very very tiny, and problems can seem Universal in size–and the way to meet this is to re-connect Pisces with his ability to effect circumstances. Start with something tangible–get him to help you open a jar–and you may start the cascade that inspires him to wade back into the fray.