When He’s In Love: How to Tell, How to React Pt. 1

In relationship we’re always looking to determine the level of interest of our partner, whether we really think about it or not: we watch his reactions, search his eyes for a spark, wait for the smile or the touch that is beyond what he offers to anyone else. We want to feel special; that’s only natural, and right. Often, though, he just isn’t so easy to read; it seems that men have an extreme interest in obscuring, or even hiding completely, any signs of emotional involvement: he’ll cup your ass in public but be mortified if you want to hold hands around his friends, and the last thing he wants anyone else to hear is him saying, “I love you” into the phone. So, in honor of all those men who fear emotional vulnerability more than they fear public speaking or death (the two biggest fears of the general populace), we take a look at how he might be signaling you his love, in a manly semaphore that sometimes only he can understand. Read both his Sun sign and the sign in which the ruler of his Sun is placed (for example, for a Libra Sun you’d also read the sign in which you find his Venus). If the messages of late have been strangely mixed, or the contact is new and mostly (at this point) sexual, read his Mars sign, as well–this gives big clues as to how he sees himself, and might help you decipher some of his more perplexing behavior.

Error signal flags
Error signal flags

Aries–you may first realize he’s in love when he starts to boss you around. The Aries man likes to think of himself as in charge–and once he sees you as part of his life, he’ll just see it as natural that he should command you, too. He may do a lot for you, going so far as to take things right out of your hands and finishing the task for you. Annoying as this can be, you’ve got to see it for what it is, his message for you: if I love you, I do for you.

How to react–depending on temperament, you may want to explode with indignation and a speech about equality and respect, sulk, or cave to his aggressive role in your affairs–but the best response is a grateful one, even when it seems he’s way over into your personal space. ‘Thank you’ to the Aries man is like gold; he will, quite literally, even, move heaven and earth to earn your gratitude and appreciation. Praise is what he lives for, so be generous with it–then later you can gently suggest that he might want to let you open your own birthday gift, next time.

Taurus–he will bring you things, small, soothing things, things that appeal to the senses–there’s a loving appreciation of the way you feel, a concern for your material comfort, that’s the giveaway that the Bull is in love. Not one for words (unless his Mercury is in Gemini), the Taurus man will let the homemade soup, soft throw, smelly candles, hot chocolate, heating pad, perfume, ice pack, bunch of thyme, exotic cheese, mohair socks, organic brown eggs, one-of-a-kind jewelry, handthrown bowl, lady-size gardening implements, cake, basil, new house, or the bag of potting soil do the talking. Here the message is: If I love you, I’ll shower you with the things I find comforting.

How to react–if you are enchanted with a never ending supply of fragrant, earthy, mostly practical delights, all will be well–but if you find yourself at some point thinking, ‘Enough already with the ceramics classes and the composting!’ then you might long to tell him of your McNuggets craving, your desire to use disposable diapers, or your heretical enjoyment of all things plastic–and we just know that won’t go over well–in fact, he may take that as rejection of who he is. With the Taurus man, what he wants most is to share his material world, so if you love him, that’s what you need to do: return the favor. Nothing impresses this man like receiving the same sensory treats and attention to his comfort that he uses to express his love–and it may be the only ‘language’ he truly comprehends, so think of each small gift or caring gesture as a statement of affection, because that’s precisely how he’ll be seeing it.

Gemini–this guy comes in two flavors, the chatterer and the silent type, so you may not at first notice the change in the way he interacts with you–but you’ll know he’s in love when he wants to be alone, just the two of you, to talk and share ideas, especially things he’s kept quiet about til now. He also may enjoy showing you off socially, or ‘teaming up’ socially, and could insist on being included in whatever he sees as your network, while expecting you to be part of his. A select few will show their adoration by becoming completely tongue-tied, but even in those susceptible that won’t last long. He may insist on knowing your every thought, and monitoring your social calendar–and few women can take that for long without some sort of confrontation.

How to react— the onslaught of ‘thought energy’ is eventually bound to feel intrusive, and having to account for all your activities and contacts can make you feel he doesn’t trust you. In reality, he doesn’t recognize communication boundaries with those he loves, and truly doesn’t understand your objections: to him the flow of info is love.  Recognize that this isn’t going to change, and then resolve not to horde ideas or facts from your beau. Many of us are taught that one important way to draw boundaries (and retain power within a situation) is to withhold information–and if we’re going to be with Gemini, we need to let go of that, and realize that no one controls us just because they know where we’ll be at 4:30 next Thursday.

Cancer–a Cancer guy is a sensitive guy–and before he’s in love, his attention remains on his own feelings, but once he’s fallen for you, you become part of that feeling world. He becomes attuned, not to you, but to his own feeling state that has grown to include you, and this means that, though he’s totally close and loving in interation with you, he expects you to share his emotional reactions, perceptions, and conclusions to the letter–and this can be awkward if you’re not into co-dependence. The exceptional gentleness and compassion shown by the Cancer man can be very persuasive–you’ll know you’re loved, but inevitably there’ll come a point when you’ll wonder just how much ‘you’ there really is in your relationship.

How to react–Love with a Cancer man can be a total experience, like you’re enveloped in a perpetual wave of emotion–and if you have a strong streak of independence (unaspected Sun, strong Saturn or Uranus, lots of Aquarius, Capricorn, Aries, Scorpio, or Sagittarius) the constantly enmeshed feeling of the interaction can become overwhelming–where do you end and I begin? you may ask, and a Cancer man doesn’t necessarily want to answer, as part of the illusion of love for him is that there seem to be no boundaries between you. There’s also the possibility that the Cancer man so owns his Moon (as it is ruler of his Sun/ Soul) that there is no room for your Moon, and that means that, in a very real way, your emotional state may be unreal to this man. The best approach to possible confusion and even fusion of energies is to respond with real empathy and compassion to your man’s emotional state, but to make it very clear that there are some things a woman must carry for herself, including her own Moon energies. Gently show him that your emotions differ from his, own the nurturing qualities and functions you’re most aligned with, and keep the woman/Moon part of you prominent in the relationship–any guy as sensitive as the typical Cancer is will recognize that there are Moon energies especially attuned to the female, and will admire you for claiming them as yours.

More to come!

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