“Am I destined to be alone?”

I have Venus square Saturn in my chart. Am I destined to be alone? The men I’ve loved never have time for me, work long hours, or are never there for me. What kind of man would be ideal for me?

Though I know you, dear question asker, I’m going to pretend I don’t, as what you ask is an important question from which many can benefit. You single out your Venus square to Saturn, not unreasonably, and though I don’t believe that any single aspect consigns one to a sealed romantic fate, it wouldn’t hurt (though our internal Venus might think differently!) for us to talk about the possible meanings of the planet of love and relationship in hard aspect to the energy of repression, suppression, discipline, structure, and maturity.

Sometimes we just want to know we aren't alone
Sometimes we just want to know we aren't alone

You describe yourself as having loved men who are, one way or another, the essence of Saturn: never having time for you, working long hours, never there for you. So in a way, you are very much fulfilling one possible expression of Venus square Saturn; now your job is to bring about another manifestation that’s more to your liking.

Possibilities include love with someone older/ established/ or ‘serious,’ with someone whose career requires extreme discipline (a surgeon, a trapeze artist, or a race car driver, for instance!) or someone very grounded–he may not tickle your winsome button, but he’ll be home on time and pay the bills. So this may be a trade of some kind of flash or glamour you’ve been seeking for something less overtly exciting, but which represents the more positive side of this aspect combo.

This can also suggest that you expect love to be restrictive, lonely, or punishing, in some way–that you expect love to suck the fun out of the room, or that you expect love to feel like a relationship to authority or ‘Daddy,’ and you may assume a kind of childlike passivity when you partner up. This latter can effectively drive away anyone who isn’t looking to be a Daddy, literally or figuratively, to you or a child. So a good long look at your own expectations is definitely in order–often we carry beliefs we’re not consciously aware of that can keep us on a path we’d never consciously choose!

There is also the idea that love may not come to you until you truly mature–our Saturn is our Self-discipline, our true connection to reality, and our productivity in life, and if one or more of these elements within you is lacking, love may not feel ‘at home’ in your world. Don’t despair, as this really acts as a safety mechanism, that keeps you from hooking up (permanently, at least) with the wrong guy–it guarantees that, until your inner and outer worlds have reconciled this square, you will continue to essentially move through life on your own, not alone, necessarily, but without the heart’s companionship that you’re quite naturally seeking.

Look at what Neptune touches in your natal chart–this will show you where you might be deluded, fooling yourself, or chasing a dream of a mate that isn’t in keeping with your true love nature. Look at Mars’ sign to get a look at your ‘ideal man’–and don’t be surprised if there’s some clash with other expectations or energies. And look to the sign opposing your Juno placement for the general kind of temperament you’re looking for in a mate. All these checks will help make you more aware of what you’re looking for, and look to your Venus by sign for a concept of what you’re exuding (and thus attracting).

Good luck, dear friend!

6 thoughts on ““Am I destined to be alone?”

  1. TaurusGirl July 16, 2009 / 7:43 pm

    Does Venus opposite Saturn work the same way? Thank you. 🙂

    Yes, though where the square is conflict between the energies, the opposition tends to pit them against each other (in an ‘either or’ scenario) until the individual learns to merge them into a single form. And you’re welcome 🙂

  2. hitchhiker72 July 17, 2009 / 4:28 am

    So many amazing women looking for love (in vain?!!). I wonder why after millennia this imbalance hasn’t self-corrected…

    Not that I’m saying men have an easy time of it. But at the risk of generalising, I’d say they’re more likely to indulge in self-denial.

  3. TaurusChick74 July 17, 2009 / 10:40 pm

    Wow. I have Venus square Saturn also. I feel the same as the person asking the question. Great answer! I will definitely make some of the suggested adjustments.

  4. Dave March 13, 2011 / 9:50 am

    It depends if venus on herself is strong (pisces/taurus/libra) and/or if saturn is placed in such venus-friendly sign + if venus is the slower moving planet (which is of course not the usual thing here), the situation is usually easier and favourable and dominates venus saturn.

    In the end, I have to think it’s about choice–planets only outline probabilities, or things we need to overcome or surrender to, in order to make our way–so I don’t think it depends on the horoscope, it depends on the individual

  5. jenny June 4, 2011 / 5:31 pm

    A friend constantly tells me when my saturn squares my venus my relationship will end my love friend will find someone else and I will be heart broken,. I relate more to the inner growth brought forth to work through during this transit. I don,t know a lot about astrology and fine it important to look at different information to help me get a broader understanding otherwise someone who is too directive disempowers. I have loved all you have written and relate to past hurts that could arise during entering a relationship thankyou.

    Thank you, Jenny. Meaning no offense to your friend, I agree with you that a broader understanding of an aspect’s meaning is necessary to truly understand a transit and its place in your life; too narrow a definition doesn’t make sense, when we have so many individuals affected by the same transit. I think you are correct to relate transits more strongly to their potentials for inner growth. Thank yuo so much for writing, Jenny.

  6. sunflower June 27, 2011 / 3:43 am

    Hi Julie, in your article you describe the way a person feels when he or she decides to be the Venus in the aspect – restricted and limited.
    However, recently I saw a case where a person has decided to impersonate the Saturn principle, for whom there is no place for love. He would be surrounded by Venus-like-women and could not reach out to any of them due to the restrictions he put himself (the nature of which were in line with the house and sign placement of Saturn). Only after he would fulfill the prerequisites Saturn wanted him to, would he explore the subject of love.

    Hello Sunflower,
    I was describing the experience of a woman having this aspect in her natal chart, where her identity as a woman (Venus) is affected by her Saturn principle. With a square, one does not ‘play’ one energy and project the other–that’s a possibility with an opposition–in the case of a square, the conflict is internal, with both energies obviously belonging to the individual, and in need of resolution as they sit in conflicting elements, but the same modality, hinting on at least one means of creating harmony. One can’t ignore the identity factor of Venus for a woman; this is why balancing the Saturn conflict can take the form of outer energies–but it doesn’t have to, and will naturally have an internal counterpart.

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