Variations on a Theme of Self-Sabotage, in Four Acts

ACT ONE

Dear Julie, Most of the men i have been involved ended up hurting me both financially and emotionally, i have been divorced once, engaged a few times and now i just don’t know if i should give up on men.I recently met a guy. He says all the right things but i don’t know if i can trust him and i am also still in touch with a few of my ex-boyfriends.
I need help as i feel emotionally drained from all my love troubles, thank you! Z–

Hello Z–,

I admit, I feel a sense of fatigue and drain just reading your brief description of your love troubles! And that says to me that there’s something Self-defeating going on here, and the natal chart bears this out. Your lovely Libra Moon is at 00 exactly conjunct the Vertex and less than 2 degrees from the DSC in the 6th. Your Moon is also conjunct Ceres in late Virgo, trine your Gemini Sun (which is conjunct the great magnifier, Jupiter), quincunx Chiron, sextile Vesta, and hooked to the ASC and MC by hard aspect. This is a description of the emotional state, the feeling Beingness, as a magnet, one that uses the unconscious (Moon) as the primary facilitator of relationship (Libra); this means that the expectations for relationship are set up below consciousness, and then you attract/ react to those who fit the unconscious expectation–and that is one of being wounded (quincunx to Chiron), of fatedness to the emotional state (exact conjunction to Vertex), and perhaps an anticipated scenario of being left repeatedly (conjunction to Ceres, who experienced the cyclic loss of the one she was closest to–and as she had no mate, this was her daughter–easy to make this sense of loss about a partner). Chiron, though conjunct much else of note, is also conjunct Sedna (though Sedna doesn’t touch these other energies), and this suggests that, as Sedna is our ‘blind spot,’ you may not be capable of recognizing the primal wound within the Self, and this may make it difficult to see how your own hurt plays a part. The sextile of Moon to Vesta makes the emotional state one that you may be reluctant to question, perhaps looking outside yourself for the reason (men are no good, romance doesn’t work out for anyone, sex is my downfall. etc) but it really seems to be about setting up life circumstances (and choosing potential mates) with the belief that they are not to be trusted, that they will, sooner or later, leave. And the cluster of South Node, Venus, Mars, Chiron conjunct in the 1st suggests you may have internalized a sense of experience (SN) plus woman/ man (Venus/ Mars) equals hurt (Chiron); carrying this in the 1st of Self makes it a strong perception/ assumption. But, there is an answer.

Your 1st House does possess very potent energies, and with the Aries cusp, what we see is that Self-possession, being unequivocally your own person, making decisions, acting in your own best interests, is really the way to go. With Libra on the 7th you may fall into an ‘I’m just at the mercy of my partner’ mentality, and with Pluto in the 7th you may be prone to hand others all the power–and that’s where you must change things. Owning the considerable power that you possess, accepting and using it as your right, is what’s called for here. Once you claim power as your due (and this is personal, rather than worldly, power) a natural byproduct is the acceptance of responsibility for all parts of your life–and when you take this attitude, then everything, including partnership, is something you have the power to control, and guide by your own choices. It seems that up to now you’ve let others call the shots, and in being passive, even to the point of letting the subconscious expectations choose potential mates, you’ve attracted men who are not what you, a potentially strong and empowered woman, need. I hope you’ll consider embracing a sense of authority and assertiveness; it will change your life.

Thank you, Z–

jd

Acts Two, Three, and Four posted shortly– 

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