Variations on a Theme of Self-Sabotage, Act 3

you like ‘interesting situations’ so here goes:

I made the mistake of reading ahead for me, on ‘x’ website, Mr. Y writes these extended horoscopes & i find sometimes they are a wee bit negative at times; kinda got depressed. I have a wonderful man in my life, who i know from h.s. and college–we were just friends back then but via facebook, after 20 years, found each other again, but now, things have gotten romantic. go figure however, a. after a lifetime of heartbreak, he’s not one to get into a committed relationship (tho he calls & is attentive every day), because he feels depressed at times/in a dark place b. he wants to move to LA where i live from NY but for his career predominantly, not for me (tho obviously it would be nice if things were to work once he did get out here). (he is an electrician/musician but wants to be a film composer.) And yet it is wonderful and close at times…really hoping he finds the courage to move here…

After reading these transits (i have put them all in this email) i am worried–if i stick it out, will this relationship eventually solidify? makes me sad to know that this one may not work

in his chart, i can see one transit which deals w him possibly being involved w a younger woman but of course, that’s
just Mr. Y’s interpretation
thanks!

Hi! Since you’ve not supplied a name, I’ll call you Natasha, and like every lovely, exotic, smokey-throated beauty you’re seeking your Boris, that man who’s a perfect partner for you. So, you have the man in your life, and you go looking for information, and what do you (like any curious person would) do? You find transit meanings written by one of the foremost astrologers of our day, and you apply them to the charts of yourself and your smitten kitten, and you believe them–and that last step is where you go horribly, terribly, awfully wrong. Boris and Natasha

It’s an act of Self-sabotage to assess your relationship in this way–this is where I give the lecture about it being very, very imprudent to interpret a chart a piece at a time–because you end up confused, freaked out, worried, and not much better informed than you started out, and that’s because every transit, for true accuracy and relevance, must be interpreted within the context of the whole chart, and must be scaled to the circumstances of the life. So no matter how good a description is offered of a particular transit, you must use it only as a guideline–and here’s where I say that you must also be aware of the fact that each astrologer is offering interpretation that is unavoidably colored by their personal experience to some degree (some far more than others–one prominent astrologer, who has contributed immensely to the field, is wonderful on theory but tends to interpret every individual chart seen as the chart of someone dysfunctional, injured by heavy family dynamics, likely violated in some form and thus permanently scarred, and any rejection of this idea is labeled ‘denial’–it becomes just like the sane person slapped into the mental institution–the expectations of everyone the person comes in contact with are that anything said is the utterance of someone unbalanced–and suddenly even normal, healthy assertion is seen in a completely inaccurate light!) Put all those factors together, and you’ll understand that reading single interpretations one after the other (and perhaps selectively pulling parts of the interpretations from each as relevant) gives you a goulash that fails to illuminate the life one iota.

Further, Natasha, you may be missing the instrument you really need here, as isn’t this about whether you two will end up together or not? And that requires a comparison of the two natal charts to show points of contact and compatibility (I don’t use composites, though others swear by them and get good results, just because a relationship is an interaction between two people–you don’t lose your individuality and become one melded blob, in my view, though I can think of a few relationships that resemble big melded blobs!)–because isn’t it the strength of what’s between you that counts?

 So I took the liberty of peeking at your chart interaction, and here are a few tidbits: you each see the other as ‘mate’ worthy material, especially you, with his Jupiter conjunct your North Node, which likely feels like being with this guy could deliver the world to you–an exciting feeling, and reciprocally this contact says he likely is very generous in aiding you in your destined direction–though that doesn’t necessarily include him. There is a repeated dynamic between you that suggests struggle, especially struggle between anima energies (this can often show as almost a competition as to who’s more sensitive, who’s more feeling, who’s more creative, artistic, receptive to the sensory world); however, this can be a very, very quiet kind of struggle, not at all overt, so it may read like harmony that can’t get itself together because life circumstances just won’t oblige–there’s always a little something winkling in, a fly in the ointment of your mutual plans, so the refrain becomes, once this is done, worked out, surmounted, we can finally be together. The question then becomes, will you be? Maybe, though chances go lower with your Mercury conjunct his Neptune–that is almost a guaranteed form where the Neptune party resists hearing the Mercury person’s message, and where the Mercury person doesn’t understand what’s conveyed by the Neptune person, either, as every time she tries to communicate with him, it seems impossible to pin him down. But, here’s where personal circumstances come in–since he is a musician, attuned to Neptune (pardon the pun), you could be a source of ideas and inspiration for him, and he a source of inspiration (to communicate) for you–you may almost literally ‘speak’ to his music-oriented persona.

Find an astrologer you trust to assess the chart interaction in full, if you’re so moved, and don’t worry–the form transits take doesn’t trump reality, they reflect it, so if you’re feeling the relationship is essentially good, go with it–and forget it, there’s no such thing as a ‘younger woman comes along and seduces him’ transit!

Good luck, Nat–I hope things work out for you and your musician–

jd

2 thoughts on “Variations on a Theme of Self-Sabotage, Act 3

  1. susan September 14, 2009 / 10:48 pm

    my name is susan, (not natasha!) and i can’t tell u how interesting what you wrote was…and so eye opening! it was weighing so heavily on me…esp because astro.com is so accurate at times… def would like to talk to you more about the full chart! xxx

    Hi susan, and thank you! Glad this was of help. Since I’m not taking on work until November at soonest, here’s my completely non-astro (but experience related) advice: please put as much energy as possible into seeing and acknowledging the reality of the relationship as it presents itself to you, positive, negative, and otherwise. This may sound obvious, but many people will focus intently on what they want to see rather than what is–and if we are willing to see what is, we don’t need to worry about transits, other women, or anything else–we will react and interact genuinely, from the heart, and we won’t steer ourselves wrong. Good Luck to you and your beau, susan!

    • Susan October 15, 2009 / 10:10 pm

      thank u so much, didn’t realize u had replied. def taking your advice! please let me know when u are taking clients again 🙂

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