A re-print from years ago, but the situation is timeless.
What is going on: Bad Karma, something in the stars, or just plain bad luck???
I have been divorced for a little over eight years, but it has only been in the last two years that I have had the urge to get back into a relationship. Between being extremely hurt by the betrayal that led to the divorce, going back to school, getting into a second career and raising my son, I felt that I was stretched a little thin to have time to devote to a significant other. I also did not trust myself – afraid I would attract someone like my ex.
It was at my new job that I meet Mr.L, who knocked my socks off. He approached me first, and initiated conversations, and was quite complimentary. I was flattered by the attention. For the first time in years, I felt like actually going out with a man. I was physically attracted to him and we had some fun times bantering back and forth. Co-workers even commented to me on the apparent chemistry. Mr. L asked me out a total of three times (he initiated it each time) and he bailed each time – sick, sick and had to work late due to an emergency. There would be long stretches in between in which we would not see each other due to extensive travel for the job. In the end, I just figured he was not that into me and stopped any kind of flirtation. Shortly afterward he was transferred to another work location. Several months later he emailed me and told me about his new Harley and asked if I would be interested in a ride some weekend. I was casual and said sure, just call when free. Like the past situations, there was never any follow through. What makes a guy does that? I wonder if it is his Venus in Leo?
My next foray into the dating world was on a popular on line dating site. I initiated contact with Mr. B and through a series of emails, we had some interesting and fun conversations- he really made me laugh. We agreed to meet for lunch on a workday, he did not show up, and said that he had his days mixed up. (He appeared to be a absent minded professor – literally – PhD in engineering). Apologized profusely, wanted to make it up and then nothing, no further communication. Three months later, he initiates contact with me again – asks to be forgiven, was so embarrassed by what had happened, not use to dating, etc. He wants to try again. We emailed back and forth for another 2 weeks. He seems genuine so I agreed to try again. Early in the week we decide to meet the following Saturday and firm up time and place by Friday. I never hear from him again!!
Between these two instances, my self esteem has plummeted. I am so discouraged because it is rare that I feel connected enough to even want to go out with someone! Is there an astrological explanation for the run of bad luck, and why I am attracted to men that do not follow through??
Any insight is greatly appreciated!
Your recent reluctance to get back into the dating game when you already have a full plate of career and child raising is certainly understandable (and the relationship appetite suppressant known as ‘divorce’ probably hasn’t helped, either); but then to have such discouraging experiences once you do venture back in must be very disappointing. And meeting new people can be both difficult (where do you go?) and exhausting (sorting through the frogs to find even a potential prince!)
Is it the karma fairy, tapping you with her wand of invisibility and/ or payback, real or imagined? No, I think not, but what we do have to look at isn’t the men, it’s the one constant in the equation: you. There are some hints in the natal chart that say you may expect relationships not to go well: Venus is quincunx Pluto (love and relationships require constant adjustment that can be destructive–and that love itself can be wearing and destructive); Sun conjunct Chiron (a wounded Soul); Venus squares Neptune (idealizing love leads to real-life disillusion, or an inability to pinpoint what love is or, more importantly, what it feels like when it’s given). These aren’t set in stone, and of course can carry other meanings, but taken as a whole may suggest that love is an area that is not clear or easy for you.
Transits during the time you specified paint a picture of some ‘heavy’ energies being dealt with in a very public way: Pluto through the 7th, completely scouring and destroying previous notions of what it takes to partner; Jupiter through the 7th, exaggerating all mate or partnership activities (and the hurt and problems involved, as well); Uranus through the 10th, giving the reputation and public image a radical, erratic, or unstable aura (that doesn’t necessarily reflect reality, but it’s what others see); and Neptune from 9th to 10th, obscuring you, perhaps quite literally! from the sight of others. These major transits alone would explain the way others see you, acknowledge you, are attracted by what they imagine they see (Neptune’s influence) and then . . . you slip from their attention, and they abandon their intent. And I’m just supposing, here, but the pattern of men engaging, reassuring you of their interest, and then not following through may hint that what you are conveying to them may more openly show your (quite justified) hurt, need, and desire for rescue, in some sense, than you are aware of, and for many this isn’t an aphrodisiac.
This entire dynamic is likely a mechanism the Universe is using to allow you to rest, recover, and re-discover who you are on your own, without a partner. Ruler of 11th House goals and wishes, Mars, is currently being transited by Pluto, re-working and re-vivifying what you want (and helping you re-discover what you can offer). Neptune has, through the dating periods mentioned, been in the vicinity of your natal Sun/ Chiron conjunction, making it both difficult to see in exactly what way you may at present be injured (which can show very plainly to those with whom we interact), and giving you a chance to heal and create yourself along the lines of your ideal Self–a great opportunity, that many people never get.
You have some wonderful life potentials in your Grand Trine of Sun/ Chiron trine Juno trine the Moon, and in your Grand Trine involving Vesta, Earth, and Saturn; the former says you are a vessel for development of a unique role or skill that brings the Soul Purpose and emotional state to a peak of maturity and refinement, and the latter shows the ability to honor what’s sacred about the world that surrounds us. Sun/ Chiron quincunx Ceres also suggests enormous possibilities centered in your understanding of and gifts keyed to the natural world, nurturing, and/ or your unique identity.
My thought is, give the attention and energy you would invest in a relationship to yourself, for right now, and with time, as your idea of who you are and what you want post-divorce becomes clearer, I think companions will start to come out of the woodwork. Someone like you, once she’s sure of herself and is ready to love in the best way, will attract attract attract–but you have to stop pouring the energy out, and start letting the love that’s all around you in, before you’ll reach that correct, attractive balance.