Hello, I have a question. Maybe you know the answer to it. I wonder what it means to have an aspect between Chiron and Lilith. (My aspect is a semi-square) I can not find any information about this one on the internet. I don´t know if it matters but my Chiron is in Scorpio and my Lilith in Libra. I hope you can help me out x
Since you don’t include birth data, I can’t see for myself the situation here–I have to take your word for it that there’s an aspect between these two, that you state are in adjoining signs–and that brings me to this: there are only a handful of relatively significant possible aspects with bodies in adjacent signs: the semi-sextile (30 degrees apart), the novile (40 degrees apart), and the semi-square (45 degrees apart, which you state is your aspect), though I suppose if one body is at the very beginning of Libra, and the other at the very end of Scorpio, we could also count this as a sextile, or with one at the end of Libra and the other at the beginning of Scorpio, a conjunction. That’s the spectrum of possibilities, and you specify a semi-square, which needs to be close to be in effect. I keep very tight orbs for minor aspects, no more than one degree, and even that I’m not always comfortable with, as it can end up stretching things too much, implying relationships between bodies that don’t really exist–and by ‘don’t exist’ I mean aren’t truly interacting and affecting each other’s expression.
Then there is the matter of me not publicly using Lilith yet. I do use Black Moon Lilith, which is a point, rather than a body, and I’m assuming you’re asking about the asteroid itself. There’s quite a bit of overlap in meaning; read about the asteroid Lilith here.
So, we’re looking at an aspect between the indicator of the most primal wound, as well as your most unique skill (Chiron) and Lilith, a youthful and assertive impulse that gives a confident, rebellious voice to anima energies, and who takes full charge of and responsibility for her sexual expression–and when thwarted can be more than a little vengeful. Chiron in Scorpio says the wound is deep, possibly buried from conscious examination, and deals with the Truth of something; there’s also the potential for hurt involving sex or the kind of intimacy that requires vulnerability and exchange to and with another individual. We can’t really tell what this wound involves, but it runs deep and is likely potent, affecting in some form the individual expression of sexuality, personal power, or both.
Lilith in Libra suggests the attention is on partnership, and matters of fairness. Now beyond this I can only guess, without seeing the whole chart: a semi-square suggests, first and foremost, tension between the two bodies, and the placements imply that the Self in relation to others is on a kind of fulcrum, trying to achieve balance between fulfillment of urges to relate intimately to others, and avoiding the potential for hurt or betrayal. It may be that you have been deeply wounded and can’t be in relationship fully, with the task now to work through that, or it could be that you can’t seem to be in partnership without the other person wounding you in some way (and that would imply your choices in partners are about making manifest this aspect, a kind of ‘See? I was right about relationships and how hurtful they are all along!’). There are so many possibilities, including that you have a mandate to find the Truth within sexual relationships (not just yours, but for others, as well) and be a defender of women who have been injured, perhaps as a lawyer, counselor, or political advocate or activist. Lilith can be a superhero, if we channel her correctly, so there are as many positive potentials here as negative ones.
I read your Juno article and found it to be very telling with a current prospect. The interesting thing is that both of our Venuses are conjuncting each others Junos. I was delighted in the interpretation for the man’s point of view, however, I was wondering what kind of perspective you might have on this interesting dynamic? A basic overview would be fabulous. I don’t have her specific birth time, but I know from what contacts her planets make with mine are favourable. I haven’t gotten as far as to ask her what time she was born, but I was hoping you could shed some light on this situation for me (maybe before I ask?).
I’ve got to say, I really enjoyed receiving such a cheerful note–it seems you have a great attitude–what girl wouldn’t like that? (Not sure what Juno article he’s referring to, but it could be the series here). But, you’ve not given me any birth data, and the problem with that concerning Juno is that, if the two of you are close in age, the contact to Venus in each chart might not mean much at all. That is, people nearly the same age will often share a lot of contacts–but those contacts tell us very little about the interaction, because they’re so alike to begin with; it’s in the natal contrasts and true harmonies (that is, contacts that are unique cross-chart) that we find the relationship itself. So, with no birth data there’s not much specific to your situation that I can safely say (and I have only your word for it that all the other contacts are favorable–no offense, but that doesn’t tell me anything either, simply because soft aspects like trines and sextiles can be detrimental under some conditions, just as hard ones can be very positive).
Though some people like to label Juno ‘The Marriage Asteroid’, it rarely indicates that kind of union at all; it’s more often an indicator of, cross-chart, a sense of partnership. We tend to expect cooperation from the other person when something important in their chart touches our Juno. We may assume a sort of yoked-togetherness that the other person may or may not also feel (depending on what’s contacted). We can also feel like a victim of this person, should he or she not respect us and our position; this reflects the goddess Juno’s decision to remain united with the philandering Zeus in order to retain her position on Olympus and her status as Queen of the Gods. And yes, all those things can be part of a sense of one’s marriage–though they’re certainly not the only things.
What I can say is that cross-chart aspects between Juno and Venus can be quite nice. In soft or direct (conjoined) contact, if Juno belongs to the man, then he likely regards the female’s ideal of herself as excellent mate material–I say ‘likely’ as a single aspect alone rarely gives us the whole story–and if the Juno is hers and the Venus his, she may feel very strong and capable in his company, ‘approved of’, in a sense, because she fits his ideal of what a female should be, at least in terms of how she chooses her empowerment and the status she aims for. More than that I can’t really venture. Readers, let this be a reminder: when you submit a question, please read and follow the instructions–we’re all guaranteed to get a lot more out of it that way.
Thank you, Steve, and much good luck with your lady!
A re-print from years ago, but the situation is timeless.
What is going on: Bad Karma, something in the stars, or just plain bad luck???
I have been divorced for a little over eight years, but it has only been in the last two years that I have had the urge to get back into a relationship. Between being extremely hurt by the betrayal that led to the divorce, going back to school, getting into a second career and raising my son, I felt that I was stretched a little thin to have time to devote to a significant other. I also did not trust myself – afraid I would attract someone like my ex.
It was at my new job that I meet Mr.L, who knocked my socks off. He approached me first, and initiated conversations, and was quite complimentary. I was flattered by the attention. For the first time in years, I felt like actually going out with a man. I was physically attracted to him and we had some fun times bantering back and forth. Co-workers even commented to me on the apparent chemistry. Mr. L asked me out a total of three times (he initiated it each time) and he bailed each time – sick, sick and had to work late due to an emergency. There would be long stretches in between in which we would not see each other due to extensive travel for the job. In the end, I just figured he was not that into me and stopped any kind of flirtation. Shortly afterward he was transferred to another work location. Several months later he emailed me and told me about his new Harley and asked if I would be interested in a ride some weekend. I was casual and said sure, just call when free. Like the past situations, there was never any follow through. What makes a guy does that? I wonder if it is his Venus in Leo?
My next foray into the dating world was on a popular on line dating site. I initiated contact with Mr. B and through a series of emails, we had some interesting and fun conversations- he really made me laugh. We agreed to meet for lunch on a workday, he did not show up, and said that he had his days mixed up. (He appeared to be a absent minded professor – literally – PhD in engineering). Apologized profusely, wanted to make it up and then nothing, no further communication. Three months later, he initiates contact with me again – asks to be forgiven, was so embarrassed by what had happened, not use to dating, etc. He wants to try again. We emailed back and forth for another 2 weeks. He seems genuine so I agreed to try again. Early in the week we decide to meet the following Saturday and firm up time and place by Friday. I never hear from him again!!
Between these two instances, my self esteem has plummeted. I am so discouraged because it is rare that I feel connected enough to even want to go out with someone! Is there an astrological explanation for the run of bad luck, and why I am attracted to men that do not follow through??
Any insight is greatly appreciated!
Your recent reluctance to get back into the dating game when you already have a full plate of career and child raising is certainly understandable (and the relationship appetite suppressant known as ‘divorce’ probably hasn’t helped, either); but then to have such discouraging experiences once you do venture back in must be very disappointing. And meeting new people can be both difficult (where do you go?) and exhausting (sorting through the frogs to find even a potential prince!)
Is it the karma fairy, tapping you with her wand of invisibility and/ or payback, real or imagined? No, I think not, but what we do have to look at isn’t the men, it’s the one constant in the equation: you. There are some hints in the natal chart that say you may expect relationships not to go well: Venus is quincunx Pluto (love and relationships require constant adjustment that can be destructive–and that love itself can be wearing and destructive); Sun conjunct Chiron (a wounded Soul); Venus squares Neptune (idealizing love leads to real-life disillusion, or an inability to pinpoint what love is or, more importantly, what it feels like when it’s given). These aren’t set in stone, and of course can carry other meanings, but taken as a whole may suggest that love is an area that is not clear or easy for you.
Transits during the time you specified paint a picture of some ‘heavy’ energies being dealt with in a very public way: Pluto through the 7th, completely scouring and destroying previous notions of what it takes to partner; Jupiter through the 7th, exaggerating all mate or partnership activities (and the hurt and problems involved, as well); Uranus through the 10th, giving the reputation and public image a radical, erratic, or unstable aura (that doesn’t necessarily reflect reality, but it’s what others see); and Neptune from 9th to 10th, obscuring you, perhaps quite literally! from the sight of others. These major transits alone would explain the way others see you, acknowledge you, are attracted by what they imagine they see (Neptune’s influence) and then . . . you slip from their attention, and they abandon their intent. And I’m just supposing, here, but the pattern of men engaging, reassuring you of their interest, and then not following through may hint that what you are conveying to them may more openly show your (quite justified) hurt, need, and desire for rescue, in some sense, than you are aware of, and for many this isn’t an aphrodisiac.
This entire dynamic is likely a mechanism the Universe is using to allow you to rest, recover, and re-discover who you are on your own, without a partner. Ruler of 11th House goals and wishes, Mars, is currently being transited by Pluto, re-working and re-vivifying what you want (and helping you re-discover what you can offer). Neptune has, through the dating periods mentioned, been in the vicinity of your natal Sun/ Chiron conjunction, making it both difficult to see in exactly what way you may at present be injured (which can show very plainly to those with whom we interact), and giving you a chance to heal and create yourself along the lines of your ideal Self–a great opportunity, that many people never get.
You have some wonderful life potentials in your Grand Trine of Sun/ Chiron trine Juno trine the Moon, and in your Grand Trine involving Vesta, Earth, and Saturn; the former says you are a vessel for development of a unique role or skill that brings the Soul Purpose and emotional state to a peak of maturity and refinement, and the latter shows the ability to honor what’s sacred about the world that surrounds us. Sun/ Chiron quincunx Ceres also suggests enormous possibilities centered in your understanding of and gifts keyed to the natural world, nurturing, and/ or your unique identity.
My thought is, give the attention and energy you would invest in a relationship to yourself, for right now, and with time, as your idea of who you are and what you want post-divorce becomes clearer, I think companions will start to come out of the woodwork. Someone like you, once she’s sure of herself and is ready to love in the best way, will attract attract attract–but you have to stop pouring the energy out, and start letting the love that’s all around you in, before you’ll reach that correct, attractive balance.
A useful re-print, just in time for Venus retrograde:
Dating During Venus Retrograde
This new blog is a great idea – inspiring and informational!
My question has to do with Venus Retrograde:
Living with mourning since the passing of a sweet soul last spring, it actually seemed like something in me began to move and open around the eclipses, suddenly the thought of looking for love again entered my mind. I have already gotten very useful information from your Venus Retrograde & Eclipse Reports, but one thing keeps puzzling me: What about dating during Venus Retrograde? This deep opening to all things Venusian (Venus crossing the IC) makes me want to open to possibilities, but the more I read about this goddess in backwards mode (books and internet), the more I doubt my own impulses to open to love & the world again at this time. Is this ’just Spring Fever’ or me going backwards at life & love?
I look forward to your insights on this, as I hope you will consider my question – I don’t think I’m the only one wondering…;-)
All the best,
Hi Ms P,
Thank you! And you ask an excellent question! I’m sure you’re right, many would like to know the prospects for romance and relationship specific to Venus retro. When considering the dating picture, I think there may be two things to evaluate: one, where were you, dating and romance-wise, eight years ago when Venus retrograded in the same spot in your natal chart? It’s an important question, as you’ll meet the same issues in a new form. If relationships weren’t on the agenda eight years ago, chances are they won’t be again at this time, either, which suggests that other Venusian topics (finances and earnings, the values picture, feelings/ intuition/ sensitivity, talents, reward) will be. In that case, you just won’t be paying attention to relationships and dating for the retro period.
But, if relationships were the focus eight years ago, then they very likely will be again. Preparation for the retrograde involves an honest inspection of the concerns apparent eight years ago, and how the circumstances, situations, standards, and desires have evolved from that point to now. If you dealt with an unfaithful paramour at this time eight years ago, for example, your experience this time around may echo that one, with betrayal once again on the menu, or the period may bring the revelation that you have now established an intimate relationship that supports you–and you’ll be able to put the issue of unfaithfulness (and all the Self-doubt and questioning it brings forward) to rest.
The second consideration is, how well do you know what you want in life? Yes, you can get back to dating and relationships during the retro, if you’ve been away from them; but with the aesthetic, personal values, and taste changes that come during the retro (and flee afterward) we can find ourselves embroiled in something we don’t really want, that isn’t true to our innate nature, once Venus goes direct, so caution in terms of commitment and irrevocable (or difficult to correct) acts (sex and what this can expose us to, impulsive marriage, buying a condo together) is in order.
You make a good point, Ms P, when you speak of the “deep opening” to Venus energies that can be experienced at this time; and certainly, a profound opening to love is possible. With close attention to your inherent Venus nature, and flexibility in terms of entanglements and commitments, there’s no reason why the retrograde period can’t be a wonderful re-introduction to the pleasures and rituals of dating, as well as a return of romance to the life.
My immediate thought was that this was someone very Self-aware, pinpointing a cross-chart (between the charts of two individuals) connection that she suspected was the explanation of her ennui (for I believed this must be a woman asking, with her Venus in the equation to a man’s Chiron)–and if so, I think she’s right. Venus stands for a woman’s sense of herself in an ideal form, and when this is in harsh contact to one or more placements in a partner’s chart, it can be hard for the woman to feel loved. supported, or even approved of. In the case of a woman’s Venus quincunx a man’s Chiron, his own primal wound may insist her sense of herself as a woman adjust to his sensitivities–she may be required to treat him as if he is the more tender or delicate of the pair, or as if his sensibilities are far greater than hers, which is likely contrary to her image of herself within a heterosexual relationship, since a greater softness and receptivity is usual for the anima dominant partner. (I believe the same sort of division of the energies occurs in same-sex relationships as well–remember, we’re talking energy, not genitals!)
On the other hand, her Venus could insist he put his wounds aside to honor some aspect of her role as a woman, or her financial or relationship expectations–again, not a happy interaction for either party. And if the Venus belongs to a man, and the Chiron to a woman, we may see a conflict between wounds on her part and his anima or his attitudes toward finances, relationships, or beauty. In this case it might manifest as a man who worships beauty who pairs with a woman who has a wound involving her looks; or, we could see a woman who never has ‘enough’ married to someone who does not want to spend assets the way she does.
If this aspect is within an individual’s chart, one’s own deep wounding may interfere with expression of one’s role as a woman (for a woman), with one’s anima and so in one’s relationships to women, and/ or possibly in sexual behaviors (for a man), with the possibility of dissonance in the concepts of Love, money, or both for either sex. This is a wound that is uncomfortable with Venusian concepts and requires them to change, to accommodate the injury, while it also suggests that one’s sense of Love, relationships, and assets/ money requires the wound to accommodate it–not an easy formula to work out.
Mars in Aquarius and anger
This is a very interesting topic, as those with Mars in Aquarius have the tendency to believe they don’t get mad, that they can handle aggression and ego urges through the intellect, and that the ego is highly inventive and original–and they are likely somewhat mistaken on all counts. Having such a basic physical and ‘I am’ urge in a sign that prides itself on its mental prowess can create a lot of confusion, and can make for some highly contradictory behavior, until the individual understands that she or he has a call to blend action with thought, to synchronize them for harmonious expression. Until this is clear, the urges often work at cross-purposes, prompting aggression dressed up as reasoned choice and a highly competitive ego that seeks to one-up others as a matter of being that’s not specific to any particular contest.Once successfully integrated Mars in Aquarius can make an excellent activist, may in any walk of life personify the ‘well-educated general’, and can be an intellectual leader who doesn’t dwell in the Ivory Tower but takes new and avant-garde ideas into the streets.
path of earth retrograde from Venus
I know that it takes time to learn basic astrological meanings and principles; I’m not faulting the individual on that, but it’s impossible to ask a cogent question without a true understanding of what you’re asking about. I expect someone seeking a specific answer to grasp the concept behind what they’re asking–otherwise the whole search makes no sense. Maybe it’s the phrase “retrograde from”, as this signifies (if we accept the syntax) that Earth is moving away from Venus–and of course, astrology is from our point of view here on Earth (though Heliocentric concepts place the observation point on the Sun, looking out from there–but that’s a whole other thing), so as we see it, Venus moves relative to us–Earth is never retrograde to an Earthling! Did this person want to know where and how Earth would travel if we were seeing it from Venus? I doubt it, but it’s possible. In the end, I really wasn’t sure what this person wanted to know; this search phrase only serves to emphasize how carefully we must state our astro questions–and that to ask about something without understanding what you’re saying amounts to nonsense, as well as guarantees the answer won’t have meaning, either.
Sagittarius fantasy art
Since Sagittarius is the sign of large animals, the first thing I thought of was My Little Pony dancing on a rainbow, or maybe a flying elephant, a la Dumbo. Certainly the person who conceived of Pegasus, the winged horse of myth, must’ve been a Sag–or maybe there’s no animal involved at all, maybe it would apply to long distance means of transportation (ocean liners, trains), religious icons or academic heroes (like Sagittarius Moon-Pisces Sun Albert Einstein), pronouncements that ‘get the word out’, perhaps in bubble-gum colors and Yellow Submarine graphics. Something like the movie ‘Avatar’, creation of Sagittarius Mars-probable Pisces Moon James Cameron, might fit the bill. Or were they looking for what fantasies would appeal to a Sag? Now I’m thinking a teacher-pupil scenario, or holy being and acolyte, or some fantasy of excess, in honor of ruler Jupiter. Hmmm.
moonlight effects on humans
If we are to believe what we are told about werewolves . . . that’s not really my area, so I’ll leave that to the experts. And of course there’s the idea that moonlight can affect us at a biological level, especially in terms of ovulation and human cycles, biorhythms . . . but again, not my field. Non-astrologically we can talk about romance, and maybe mystery. So what can we say astrologically about the effect of moonlight on humans? Perhaps that the phase of the Moon at birth suggests things about the emotional attitude and the approach to life, the way we process intuition and feeling. There’s also the idea of human response to whatever Moon phase is in effect day-to-day. Since the Moon symbolizes the movement of affairs forward, the passage of time and development of situations, it almost has the nature of a clock, one that affects mood and responsiveness, which certainly shows in the way the Void of Course Moon monkeys with new starts, commitment (essentially wiping it out), and predictability of outcomes (typically, not what is expected), and some mention the pull of the Full Moon as the time when things (and by that I mean people!) go crazy, as observed by emergency room personnel, and others, and . . . we’re back to werewolves.
astrology identity theft
This was a new and fascinating idea to me–can we ‘steal’ an identity, perhaps by giving out false birth info? I’ve certainly thought it of celebrities at times–Lance Armstrong is the perfect example of someone who has kept specific birth info locked down tight–and considering what he’s going through now, I can see why–and I’ve long observed that those who find astrology a powerful tool and who want, in some way, to hide will often be very unclear about birth data, especially the time (which is the easiest thing to ‘not know’). I know someone from China who gave me a down-to-the-minute birth time, but in doing her chart I discovered this was exactly two minutes into a new Chinese New Year–and had to wonder if the time had been fudged to avoid being born in what was considered by her culture of origin a less auspicious year. The ultimate astrology identity theft might just be finding the data of someone you admire (or whose life, luck, or attitude you want) and calling it your own–but thieves be warned, it always ‘seems’ wonky to the astrologer, as there are usually glaring inconsistencies among the chart, reported experience, and observed behavior–and in the end, it doesn’t give you the other person’s vibe–instead it just brings out the ‘sneaky factor’ in your own.
significant elf proclivities
This could mean a lot of things–are we talking Santa’s elves, or those tall graceful beings from ‘Lord of the Rings’? Was the person searching this phrase wondering about someone else, a friend who wears green all the time, builds toys, and whose favorite flavor is peppermint–and is this some kind of problem, an ‘elf problem’? It seems to me elf proclivities fall into two categories: the above green-wearing, cheerful, productive kind, and the gentle, intelligent, ‘we’re in charge here’, good-looking kind (LOTR)–so, your choice.
I am a 25 year-old male and I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a month. She asked me to be official on our second date and I said yes. She shows me lots of attention and meets me often but she loves talking to new people. She is always chatting with the pizza clerk or server, whether it’s a guy or girl. If it’s a guy she’s still smiling at him and talking to him in front of me. One time she gave the IHOP server a big tip and joked with him. She tells me we are allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. I told her that is fine as long as we had those friends already and we are platonic with them. She agreed but then she goes around talking to other guys.
She mentioned how when she goes by her friend Jenny’s house, her friend’s brother walks around in a tight speedo. She said he is a security guard. She was laughing and smiling.
We went to a gas station and the attendant was talking to both of us. I wasn’t getting a good vibe but my girlfriend loved to chat with him and kept smiling and talking to him. Then he told us “just drinks? buy more stuff! give me some business!” I just stood there but my girlfriend kept looking for other stuff. He said “take anything you want, honey” and she kept looking. She said, “you don’t have the gum I like”. I finally told the guy I was her boyfriend and she was with me. Later on I brought it up and she said I overreacted, that he was very nice, very friendly. She said he wasn’t flirting with her at all and she didn’t think anything of it. She said she doesn’t get flirted with often (and she sounded disappointed saying it).
She is so opposed to open relationships yet it seems like that is what she wants. Am I wrong to be jealous? Can you please explain her behavior?
Thanks in advance.
First, I want to commend you on the exceptionally mature approach you’re taking to the significance of your girlfriend’s behavior; not many guys, especially young guys, would lay out the situation in such an unbiased and thoughtful way.
I think the best way to address your question is to simply make a series of statements, my conclusions based on what you say. I’m immediately struck by how quickly your girlfriend wanted to be exclusive; sometimes this is a not-so-positive thing, as moving too fast can indicate someone who wants to pin you down, treating you more as a possession than an individual. But, you could just be a super-charming guy 🙂
Your assumption that people may only retain opposite sex friends that they knew before the relationship, however, is an unreasonable one. I’m sure that part of what attracted you to your girlfriend is her outgoing and open personality, and I understand that you may naturally worry that others will find this attractive, too–but to ask her to stop being who she is is to ask her to be other than the person you fell for–and that’s not right.
Now, to be fair, part of what she may like about you is the sense that all this bothers you; why else tell you about the friend’s brother and the tight Speedo? This suggests that there may be an element of sexual teasing in her nature that does not belong in a relationship; manipulating the feelings of one’s partner is not a kind or loving thing to do–that implies immaturity in the way she regards others, again treating you more like a plaything (to get a reaction from) than a person about whom she truly cares.
You seem like you are ready for a more committed relationship than this girl is capable of offering; you come across as a man who is looking to do the right thing by the person you’re involved with. And maybe that’s it: she sounds like a girl, playing with others’ emotions and creating sexual tension for a power-thrill, and what you need is a woman, who is ready to respect and care for you, a facet of which would be her willingness (within reason) to refrain from engaging in behavior that makes you uncomfortable.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying this relationship while it lasts, but I would not take it seriously; I would not let her see that any of her behavior bothers you, and I’m betting that, sooner rather than later, she will behave in such a way (outrageous flirting, letting you catch her with someone else, deliberately baiting you) that makes it obvious that what she wants from you is a jealous reaction, not a real relationship. At that point I hope you’ll see that she’s just too immature for you, and that you’ll move on to someone who treats you with more kindness. The world’s a big place with a lot going on in it; you’ll soon see that putting your energy into this type of interaction is a waste of your time.
Hi! I’ve been having a rough couple of three years. In the past few years, I’ve gone through a lot of pain surrounding my childhood and my fears pertaining to men and relationships have surfaced. I do not know how to control or manage my fears regarding men and sex. I can’t function properly on a daily basis as I am overwhelmed my fears, and afraid of my own thoughts. If I were to read anything that remotely suggests sex, I begin to panic. I’m highly uncomfortable with people talking about sex, especially men. The ease with which women talk about sex escapes me. I’ve seen cases in which people disrespect their sex partners, and I use that as reason for me not to engage with anyone of the opposite sex. I’ve not had any serious relationships. Sometimes, I feel safe from hurt. Other times, I’m lonely but I remind myself nobody can hurt me this way. I have a push and pull dynamic in place when it comes to love matters. I want to experience love but the fear or abandonment and betrayal have me running. I have a deep-rooted fear someone using me, disrespecting me, and taking advantage of me.I have an unexplainable, and somewhat irrational fear of sex.
I would greatly appreciate it if you could help me figure things out or what exactly I am supposed to learn because I’m drawing a blank. I was born on dd/mm/yyyy at xxx in xxx. I understand if you are unable to do so, but thank you nonetheless for reading my email. Thank you very much.
After studying your natal chart, I think I see a few possible explanations for your plight. First let me say that your straightforward and rational presentation of your case suggests to me that you are truly open to hearing about what may not be functioning at an optimal perceptual level for you–and that makes me more than willing to address your issues, and, hopefully, to help.
Since you use the word ‘fear’ repeatedly to describe your experience, I looked first at Saturn, our natural connection to reality and main signifier of both worldly ambitions and fears. Your Capricorn Saturn sits in the 7th House–right away we get hints that you may be projecting your own attitudes onto others–and is in a very interesting (and complex) aspect situation. Saturn’s companions in the 7th are Uranus, the Sun (ruler of childhood experiences 3rd), and Neptune, all, including Saturn, within a 10 degree spread, and so considered conjunct natally. But, there’s more! Saturn is also conjunct the Moon and Mercury (chart ruler) in Capricorn in the 8th, and Venus in Aquarius in the 8th (though Vesta in Aquarius sits just outside the max natal orb for a conjunction).
Just with this, we can see a few things: contained emotions (Saturn conjunct the Moon, Moon in Cap), a desire to approach relationship on an intellectual level (Venus in Aquarius), a weakness for delusion (Neptune), and a Ceres/ Jupiter conjunction in the 1st, just below the Ascendant, suggests a too-strong identification with the powerful goddess literally in charge of all nature (and I say “too-strong” as the exaggeration factor of Jupiter may point to a dominant Self-concept that leaves no room for a partner–Mother Nature has no spouse!)
Saturn also sextiles Juno and Pluto, opposes Earth and Chiron, quincunxes the South Node and trines Sedna–with this last aspect making it very difficult to see one’s own Saturn, and by extension, any of the ways Saturn interacts with the other energies (and at least potentially, Sedna will aspect some of the other players in the Saturn drama–this, plus Neptune’s involvement, is probably why you are “drawing a blank,” as you say in your letter, over the whole situation). All this active contact suggests that Saturn is a huge player in your life–yet may remain hidden (Sedna), not just from your consciousness, but from showing its importance via projection; in other words, all your Saturn issues, both positive and negative, may appear to originate, be caused by, or spring from others and/ or reality (another Saturn concept), thus it’s easy to convince yourself that there’s a good, solid reason why you react the way you do (even though you show keen Self-awareness as you state you know your fears are irrational).
This is such a complex chart (in terms of the contacts and interrelatedness of the various bodies) that I’m going to go straight for my interpretation, as outlining it would be an almost endless task. In general, I’d say there are two major components to your fear experience: one concerns repression of many many facets of your own Beingness, either from judging them to be ‘wrong’ in some fashion or from social rules, teachings, and traditions, and the other concerns your idea of personal power, and your extreme reluctance to open yourself to anything that might force you to compromise your own power position or to share your power with another.
Now I know many people do not really accept that they have any power at all; they point to modest life circumstances, to a subordinate social or work position, or to their own lack of interest at exerting their Will on others, and claim that power is not a relationship they have–but au contraire, this is a relationship each of us has, each and every hour of every day. To have no personal power is to be dead; if we are alive at all, we are still involved with expressing our Will, and exerting our influence, no matter how subdued this appears to be.
When we look at both the repression factor and the power factor simultaneously, what we see is someone who is holding very tightly to her own autonomy, who is, in fact, in a power struggle with a potential partner long before that partner arrives. You appear to associate relationships and all related aspects (such as sex) as presenting you with a totally unacceptable loss of power–but if one sees the sharing of power within relationship as something not allowable (and there is no way to be in a relationship without in some way letting another person share in your life energy, in your power) it’s a natural ‘next step’ to label this as ‘fear’–and indeed, it is a form of fear, the kind that arises when one is threatened by any suggestion that another could have an effect on your situation.
The repression aspect of things seems largely to be about rejecting certain parts of normal human nature because you so strongly judge these to be inferior inclinations, or ‘bad.’ This is likely from making strict internal judgments that view one as superior if one is not involved in passionate relationships, perhaps seeing others in these circumstances as weak or silly–and there may be some idea of marriage and sex as highly destructive forces–and so staying away from them may convey in the unconscious a strong feeling of superiority (this is suggested by several components of the chart, though the Juno/ Pluto conjunction in the 5th is alone enough to draw this conclusion) .
You do see the potential for positive man/ woman relationships, but this contrasts with some of your most serious and deeply held beliefs that marriage (or the idea of dedicating oneself to another) and sex (or the idea of union with, and therefore vulnerability to, another), are negative, which suggests two things: that you are not only resistant to being vulnerable to another (which is perfectly understandable–no woman should feel at the mercy of anyone else), but also that you are determined to keep all power for yourself, as there seems to be a deeply seated distrust of others, along with a deep desire to hold all the power cards–so it’s not just fear of vulnerability, but an actual desire to be powerful yourself (and I believe this isn’t an ego thing at all, but a holdover from past life experience, where you were a very powerful, and possibly ruthless, man–hence you project your own previous attitudes on partners and onto the entire idea of man/ woman interaction).
The chart implies you see it as your duty to accept a man and to marry (and this could be a big part of the problem, not wanting to surrender any power over yourself to societal expectations, much less an individual husband), but it also says you have an exaggerated need to feel you are already complete in the sense of not needing an external animus component in your life. When one couches one’s feelings in terms of uncontrollable fear, one is then, essentially, granting the Self permission to avoid all feared contact–for if this is an emotional reaction, rampant and undefined, what can anyone do?
This is not to discount truly legitimate wounds and fears that you carry, S, as these are apparent in the chart, too; it’s just that these are no more prominent than for anyone else. The important point is that you are allowing beliefs and behavior to be fueled by an unreasonable desire to command what is really a co-operative arrangement (and by that I mean, the natural ebb and flow of human interaction). The fears are exaggerated because in making them so large, and thus including the pretense that sex is such an alien and disturbing concept, you create the perfect scenario for excusing the need to ever allow another to share power (love) in your life.
There is hope for you, in that, if you can approach relationship from an autonomous, willing, and loving viewpoint, where you do not feel in any way coerced, pressured, obligated, and do not feel that a man’s sexual attention is an attention that takes your power from you, then you can engage quite happily in a relationship (and you’d be surprised, that many women feel quite vulnerable when a man shows sexual interest or attention, as it has a quality that can be truly frightening, a consuming quality that can certainly be felt as one that robs the female of something essential–and I think this is what you’re fixing on and responding to). Instead realize that this is simply an energy of sharing. Your biggest problem may be that, in trying to keep anyone from taking anything away from you, you’ve closed off your ability to receive something from another, as well–which is precisely the situation of the sex act, and any dynamic relationship.
You seem like a truly lovely person, intelligent and kind–I don’t think it’s that far a leap for you to exorcise the idea that you must call all the shots and hold all the power, and to invite a relationship of equals, a loving, gentle, and fulfilling interaction, into your life.