Annie Oakley and Jane Canary were two women of the American Wild West who made an unforgettable mark on the cultural landscape, each in her own unique style. As carriers of the Archetype of Venus (as all women carry this Archetype) they met relationships, especially romantic ones, with radically divergent approaches. One inspired abiding loyalty and admiration from the partner, but may have sacrificed spontaneity of expression, and may have avoided sampling a variety of life experiences as well as a variety of relationships–she may have settled for ‘good enough,’ for the nice guy who loved her, rather than sought out the partner that epitomized her ideal; the other repeatedly acted spontaneously, acting out with little care for the impression her choices left or the consequences they created, following her primal inclinations and yet allowing her image to be so wild (and anti-attractive by societal standards) that she may have blocked some relationships she longed for. In one case control of the Self and the image brought fame, stability, loyalty, high regard–but did it compromise the desire nature, or the romantic one? In the other case behavior rooted in the impulses and wants of the Self created an adversarial relationship with society that at once excluded and awarded a special, peripheral place–but that place was largely unable to fulfill intimate relationship needs and desires, so much did it contradict what was held up as appealing, and this makes us ask, Did the desire nature truly suffer, or did the outsider position allow a stance of unrequited love that, in a sense, allowed her to ‘have her cake and eat it too’?
Now the question becomes, Which prairie dame are you most like, in terms of love life? Do you sabotage what you want, do you ‘settle,’ do you act out, do you remain rigidly in control? Let’s see . . .
A. When you meet a new potential paramour, you are most likely to . . .
- buy him or her many stiff drinks (or other intoxicant of choice), and at some point in the evening, either literally or figuratively, punch him or her in the face
- directly compete, and persist until she or he rolls over and submits
- be too shy to even make eye contact; you simply hover and hope they notice
- behave in a very lady-like (or modest-manly) fashion, following all the formalities
- introduce yourself, act like an adult, and avoid games all together
- flirt shamelessly, pushing all the while for an ‘instant relationship’
B. Courtship for you typically consists of . . .
- rough stuff
- going about your business
- losing your boundaries, inhibitions, and/ or mind on a regular basis, and telling the object of your affection exactly how you feel
- allowing him or her to worship you, possibly only from afar
- assessing how good a match you are, and proceeding at a reasonable rate to date, initiate physical intimacy, become engaged, and marry
- flirting shamelessly, and pushing for more and more commitment
C. Which do you find most attractive? (Use real life as a guide)
- Someone unavailable
- Someone steadfast
- Someone who keeps your relationship a secret–it makes it more exciting
- Someone who’s more in love with you than you are with them
- Someone your equal in social station, education, religious belief, and with a similar life agenda
- The guy who gets you pregnant/ the girl who gets pregnant, or the one you quit your job and moved for
D. Your ideal date would be . . .
- a wild night painting the town red, most of which you won’t remember
- a quiet dinner, maybe with celebrities, and early to bed
- a night around the campfire, getting to know each other, then sharing a bedroll under the stars
- early dinner, target practice, then half the night spent traveling to the next town, or your modern-day equivalent–you never stop working
E. What do you really want?
- Whatever you can’t have
F. Do your love relationships tend to be . . .
- an aggressive mis-match?
- a situation where you are admired and adored, and your feelings are just a little cooler than your partner’s?
- guarded, and carefully controlled?
The quiz, of course, isn’t in any way scientific, nor does it necessarily make sense! Your answers will, however, say a little something about how you approach things–so, take both questions and answers with a sense of humor and a figurative tongue-in-cheek, and know that though not everything in each answer will be right about you, some part of it will apply. For A, B, and C, 1. is 6 points, 2. is 5 points, 3. is 4 points and so on; for D, E, and F, 1. is 4 points, 2. is 3 points, and so on. And the conclusions are . . .
27-32 points: Though you’re trying hard to get what you want, more often than not relationships end in shambles, with every encounter almost certainly topped off by screaming, crying, vomiting, and/ or a general level of Self-sabotage that would astonish someone sober. It’s not your fault that your emotions are so compelling; the problem comes when you try to disguise or ignore them and they leak out anyway. Lack of acceptance of both yourself and your desires is the root of this extreme behavior, even if your extremism is manifesting in the opposite, a too-controlled affect. Try to cultivate healthy emotional expression and good manners, as there’s certainly a deficit of one, the other, or both.
22-26 points: You may get along very well socially, but closer inspection of your habits would show that you either pathologically don’t care or that you are afraid: of crazy actin’ in relationship, of emotional disorder, of what you see as the untidiness of love, and you particularly don’t want it to derail your career or life plans. A little loosening up in the activities department, plus a reminder that others have feelings, too, and you could be stepping on them inadvertently, will go a long way toward upping your social stock.
17-21 points: You are too cool by half; what you see as prudent may actually keep you from the warm interactions we all crave. Being a little more open, and a little more demonstrative, won’t hurt (though the fear of it doing so may be behind your regimentation and insistence on control). Try to relax and enjoy yourself–people like you!
13-16 points: behavior that is ghost-like may be the hallmark of your social presence; you may be overly sensitive and anticipate hurt, where others barely notice your modest input. Don’t be so shy, and realize that no one will reject you if you pretend to be invisible, but they can’t love you, either.
9-12 points: You are all business–literally, relationships may be more like transactions for you. Let your heart out of its sad cage–I’m sure you have a wonderful smile, if you’d only dust it off and put it out for show.
6-8 points: You’re still waiting to grow up–meanwhile, stop dating and work on maturing your sense of obligation and responsibility. Learn a skill, make yourself attractive by pursuing your own interests.
FYI, I scored 22–and I do need to loosen up! 🙂
There’s another way to look at the quiz. Mostly #1 answers says you incline toward the Self-destructive behaviors of Jane; her drinking and her outsider acting out were just ways of dealing with overwhelming feelings of vulnerability and emotions that didn’t know where to go, while mostly #2 says traits are more along the line of the extremely disciplined Annie, with emotions channeled to the ostensibly positive and socially acceptable, though maybe too buttoned-down and possibly denying the wilder and more adventurous urges. #3 in majority implies the sadder, shyer side of Jane may be dominant; this is the persona that finds it painful to interact, and may take on the guise of wallflower, just to get by. A preponderance of #4 says that there may be far too much control, taking the Annie coolness and guardedness to a new high.
The first three questions have two more choices each; #5 hints that you may be taking following social convention too far, and #6 speaks of the need to extricate the Self from adolescent drama involving others.