Hope, and Looking for Answers With Astrology

Though this site mainly exists to address the problems that come with our most intimate, mating relationships, I don’t think it hurts to look at other relationships, too–in this case, professional ones (or at least, potential professional ones). What brought this to mind was seeing several articles recently on the use of social media to promote business and ‘brand’ your company. This isn’t a new idea, by any means, but at this point we can all be thankful that the spam mentality is almost a thing of the past. It’s been replaced by a more thoughtful and targeted approach–but my story takes us back to the time when the main marketing tool was found in contacting someone directly by email, often with a proposal that was touted as having mutual benefit for both parties. We’ve all received these–this is a bit of reflection on how one in particular came across.

In this instance, a woman contacted me hoping to barter her skills for my astrological ones. I don’t often barter, not because I have anything against it, but because consistently in my experience, those who have offered me their skills were not offering anything I could use. I’m not judging the worth of what they could do, I’m only saying it wasn’t of use to me–but with this one woman, I found her behavior Self-defeating in so many ways. Barter or cash, she was unlikely to get what she wanted.

We’ll call her ‘Hope.’ Hope contacted me because she was puzzled as to why she was unable to make any money with her consulting business–and of course the first and most obvious thing is, if one will not pay others for their services, how does one expect to be paid for one’s own? She explained that her business was offering others advice on how to best use their skills, rev up their lives, and make money doing what they loved. Do you see the red flag here? Hope was trying to sell a skill she didn’t have, otherwise she’d be doing it for herself! (The Chirotic skills are the exception to this rule, but these are seldom the main component of the vocation).

I declined Hope’s offer, but did say I’d be glad to look at her chart gratis and talk with her about what wasn’t working for her and how she could fix it. She was upset when I declined her services; she went on at length about how I was missing a huge opportunity to grow my business, claiming that she could totally re-vamp my operation and bring me so much more of what I wanted.

The difficulty with her promise was this: she had never once asked me what my objectives were, had not asked what I hoped to accomplish, had not asked if I was happy with the way things were going, just slapped me with a promise that she had skills I surely wanted–and the irony of offering me something she didn’t have was totally lost on her. It seemed she was intent on persuading me of what she could do; she was really unconcerned with whether she could actually effectively deliver this.

When I looked at Hope’s chart, what I saw was that her skills lay in a completely different direction. When I spoke with her I told her where I saw her strengths, what her unique attributes were, and how they could be best utilized; it turned out she really didn’t care, didn’t want to know why things weren’t working–she wanted to be told how to make what she’d chosen work, instead.  Acknowledging her skills (and thus her path) violated the image of herself she wanted to have–she was enamored of herself playing the role of The Success Coach, and she didn’t care that this really wasn’t something she could do well–she had already taken the mantle and dammit she was going to wear it!

In checking out her site, where she had urged me to look around and see all the testimonies from happy clients, I found a handful of endorsements that spoke of her enthusiasm, and the way she was able to really (I don’t know how else to say this) work clients up into a frenzy of excitement without giving them any real way to implement their goals. It was a pep talk without a game plan for the scrimmage. And there was no way Hope was going to let go of her image-fantasy. Every once in a while I check in on Hope’s site, to see how things are going, and it appears precisely as it was about 5 years ago, when we first met, with the same schtick, promises, vague testimonials, and same stable of individuals (for she had recruited others, and had offered me a spot in the line-up) looking to sell their wares.

I wish Hope well; at the same time, I wish Hope would wake up. The situation she’s chosen is one I see people in frequently enough: they choose an image for themselves that is so far removed from their Soul’s choices that they are struggling to make it work in everyday life. Of course, only they can be the judge of whether their choices are working for them–but when someone is reaching out for help, it’s important that at the very least they acknowledge that what they’re doing isn’t working.

Astrology and all it can tell us about ourselves is worth nothing if we are unwilling to question our own assumptions about ourselves and our Path. And in seeking out others, whether in close personal relationship or in a business one, we will inevitably surround ourselves with others who are operating at the same ‘honesty level’ as we are–so we see in our companions both our own positives and our own weaknesses, however distorted or differently-directed they may be in our own manifestation of them. Seeing where we are is the first step in both taking control of our own life path and in making astrology work for us as fully and completely as it can–what else would be the point of it, besides making our lives better, after all?

What You’re Asking: Eros in Public, An Emo Ghost, and Stalker Synastry

Eros conjunct the Midheaven

In the chart of an individual, Eros conjunct the Midheaven will likely manifest as an eroticization of the career or public function; in other words, he or she will be turned on by the professional role, and/or by their own exposure (and I use that word intentionally) in the public arena. This can have very innocent results–someone super-dedicated to the role they play in life can be the result, the consummate professional who excels because they’re truly dedicated to what they do–or it can bring about the kind of person who participates very eagerly in life–they ‘play the game’ with gusto. This can also be someone who thrives on the attention of the crowd, and particularly likes to hear about themselves and their reputations–a kind of reverse gossip, who wants to hear it all, as long as it’s about him or her! It can also signal someone who’s very open and honest about their proclivities, or someone who doesn’t mind others knowing what they truly are turned on by–they show preferences with no holding back, no shame, very healthy as they let others look on minus any hesitation about others knowing who they are–because to them, the private stuff lies elsewhere. And yes, it can also signal someone for whom their own public image is eroticized, with those observing seeing them as a sexual object, or as personifying an idealized sexual image as prescribed by the relevant society or even social circle. See an example here https://askjulie.wordpress.com/the-lens-of-eros/

Cross-chart, if one person’s Eros conjuncts another’s MC, we see the Eros person turned on by the career and/or public image of the other person–this could be a celebrity-chaser, or someone who often finds themselves attracted to those that others admire, with or without it making any sense. The response of the MC person will depend largely on that person’s feeling about receiving that erotic projection; if it fts their own ideas about themselves, they may thoroughly enjoy it–if it’s at odds with the way they see themselves (or the way they believe the other person should perceive them) then it can be a disquieting experience to interact with the Eros individual–minds will be changed, or the MC person will beat feet out of there fast, out of sheer discomfort!

Don’t confuse Eros with love; it is, instead, focused desire with the intention to possess that upon which it’s fixed–and though sometimes that feels like love, it’s really a type of projection, a decision to mentally overlay the person or object (because yes, they call fetishes and toys and talismans and such ‘erotica’ for a reason!) with sexual meaning.

Do Gemini men indulge in adultery?

They’re human, aren’t they? No sign is immune to any behavior,  just as no sign guarantees a behavior–we’re much more complex than that. Here’s my thought: if you’re asking the question, then you’re not feeling secure in the relationship–so the next issue becomes, Is it you, or is it him? Sometimes we project our own proclivities onto others; in this case, you might be prone to stray yourself, or, more likely, you might be unreliable, and this could translate into a need to constantly be reassured in whatever life area you are least secure, in this case, the romantic one. Or, this could genuinely be your intuition speaking. Only you know for sure.

husband not emotionally there

My heart (and the hearts of many of my readers) definitely go out to you. It’s not easy trying to relate to someone who seems unreachable on any but an intellectual level. That said, we must acknowledge that your husband’s emotions exist–and it’s important to say this, as it’s easy to pretend that someone not showing emotion doesn’t have emotions. And that suggests that he’s either feeling alienated from his own emotions (via depression) or that he is hiding his feelings from you.

I don’t mean to be glib, but it seems to me that if your husband is not emotionally there, with you, then he must be somewhere else–and I think that in some circumstances, this is the reality we don’t want to face. If this happens to strike a chord with you, the first thing you must do is face that, though a relationship consists of many facets, and connects at many levels, a marital relationship without emotional engagement basically negates all but the legal definition of the pact; marriage is, at its very essence, an emotional communion–and without that, you may be looking at the fact that the marriage no longer exists.

It’s essential that you understand a few things before you make any decisions or pronouncements: that your husband has disengaged for a reason–it may be one he needs help with (like depression) or may be one he will fiercely deny or defend against (infidelity, emotional or physical, a change in his feelings toward you, a spiritual path that may have turned him strongly toward considering only himself–and this latter should’ve lead him to formally end a relationship with you long before, so it’s not a more ‘noble’ excuse). You must also recognize that you cannot control his responses, nor should you try; though there may be a feeling that he ‘owes you’ (as implied by some readings of the marriage vows) sorting this out is not helped by judgments or demands, though it’s true that as your partner, he needs to acknowledge and deal with his own disengagement. You must also acknowledge your own, true feelings; sometimes we are as disengaged as our partner, but don’t want to see it–and sometimes we simply want to extract ‘payment’ in some form, for the pain we feel they’ve caused–but in both instances, we may not love anymore, ourselves, and are misrepresenting our own position, out of righteousness, as well as misunderstanding our own emotional state.

Sometimes we cannot get our partner, when he’s in this state, to speak in any meaningful way about existing circumstances, and in this case, it falls to you to decide how you feel (regardless of his feelings–after all, your feelings aren’t dependent on his, are they? And if they are, then it’s high time this relationship was examined, anyway). You only have control of yourself, so once you determine your own feelings (and sort out your own needs) you’ll know whether this ghost husband is offering anything sustainable, anything that still retains the shape of a marriage, and it will be quite obvious what you must do from there. Good luck–

Why did Venus hate Psyche?

I think ‘hate’ is the wrong word here–I think Venus was threatened by Psyche’s beauty, and that would make her both envious (wanting what Psyche has) and jealous (when Venus’ son Eros, whose full attention Venus had up to this point, falls in love with Psyche–Venus wants the attention of Eros, that Psyche now has). It just illustrates the idea that a woman who tries to destroy another woman hates a little part of herself–not a pretty picture at all.

stalker synastry

All synastry is highly dependent on the interaction of individual charts for ‘punch,’ and the synastry of a stalker to a stalkee could have any number of compelling aspects. A few include: the Pluto of the stalker to any identity energy (Sun, Moon, Venus for female, Mars for male, chart ruler, Sun or Moon ruler) of the stalked; Saturn of the stalker to these same identity energies (signalling a possible compulsion to control); Ceres (especially a female’s Ceres) to prominent chart energies; in negative Juno contact (usually more bossy than stalky); and Neptune prominent in the stalker’s chart and contacting significant energies of the stalkee–this latter obviously brings a high possibility of delusion into the mix. Still, so much depends on how these individuals use their energies, that just having some of these contacts doesn’t necessarily promise obsession–whew!

And check out this article for a really interesting account of youthful indiscretion–or perhaps, youthful optimism that sees things in a more romatic light than they warrant: http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2009/ class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=””>jun/07/lynn-barber-virginity-relationships