A Difficult Dance: Lilith and Chiron

‘Lilith’ By John Collier 1891 {{PD}}

Hello, I have a question. Maybe you know the answer to it. I wonder what it means to have an aspect between Chiron and Lilith. (My aspect is a semi-square) I can not find any information about this one on the internet. I don´t know if it matters but my Chiron is in Scorpio and my Lilith in Libra. I hope you can help me out x

Hello!

Since you don’t include birth data, I can’t see for myself the situation here–I have to take your word for it that there’s an aspect between these two, that you state are in adjoining signs–and that brings me to this: there are only a handful of relatively significant possible aspects with bodies in adjacent signs: the semi-sextile (30 degrees apart), the novile (40 degrees apart), and the semi-square (45 degrees apart, which you state is your aspect), though I suppose if one body is at the very beginning of Libra, and the other at the very end of Scorpio, we could also count this as a sextile, or with one at the end of Libra and the other at the beginning of Scorpio, a conjunction. That’s the spectrum of possibilities, and you specify a semi-square, which needs to be close to be in effect. I keep very tight orbs for minor aspects, no more than one degree, and even that I’m not always comfortable with, as it can end up stretching things too much, implying relationships between bodies that don’t really exist–and by ‘don’t exist’ I mean aren’t truly interacting and affecting each other’s expression.

Then there is the matter of me not publicly using Lilith yet. I do use Black Moon Lilith, which is a point, rather than a body, and I’m assuming you’re asking about the asteroid itself. There’s quite a bit of overlap in meaning; read about the asteroid Lilith here. 

So, we’re looking at an aspect between the indicator of the most primal wound, as well as your most unique skill (Chiron) and Lilith, a youthful and assertive impulse that gives a confident, rebellious voice to anima energies, and who takes full charge of and responsibility for her sexual expression–and when thwarted can be more than a little vengeful. Chiron in Scorpio says the wound is deep, possibly buried from conscious examination, and deals with the Truth of something; there’s also the potential for hurt involving sex or the kind of intimacy that requires vulnerability and exchange to and with another individual. We can’t really tell what this wound involves, but it runs deep and is likely potent, affecting in some form the individual expression of sexuality, personal power, or both.

Lilith in Libra suggests the attention is on partnership, and matters of fairness. Now beyond this I can only guess, without seeing the whole chart: a semi-square suggests, first and foremost, tension between the two bodies, and the placements imply that the Self in relation to others is on a kind of fulcrum, trying to achieve balance between fulfillment of urges to relate intimately to others, and avoiding the potential for hurt or betrayal. It may be that you have been deeply wounded and can’t be in relationship fully, with the task now to work through that, or it could be that you can’t seem to be in partnership without the other person wounding you in some way (and that would imply your choices in partners are about making manifest this aspect, a kind of ‘See? I was right about relationships and how hurtful they are all along!’). There are so many possibilities, including that you have a mandate to find the Truth within sexual relationships (not just yours, but for others, as well) and be a defender of women who have been injured, perhaps as a lawyer, counselor, or political advocate or activist. Lilith can be a superhero, if we channel her correctly, so there are as many positive potentials here as negative ones.

I hope that helps.

All the best,

jd

 

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Guidance on What Not To Do

By Kadelburg – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=49884442

‘Here’s What You Don’t Do’ is a new podcast series that offers reflection on and discussion of real-life issues, including relationship issues, in a light-hearted but deeply-felt, informative way; available through iTunes, Google Play Music, Facebook, Stitcher and Podbean. (You’ll need to search the title, in bold above, at those last two links–clicking Facebook takes you directly to the page holding the newest installment.) New episodes post every Tuesday (except during hiatus).

Being in Love: Ladies, Are You An Annie Oakley or A Calamity Jane?

Calamity Jane 2For those unfamiliar with the North American West and its history, Calamity Jane (left) and Annie Oakley (below) are two women who left a mark on the Collective consciousness through their unusual talents and choices. At a time when women were typically relegated to roles either as an accessory (the upper classes) or of toil (the lower), these two carved places for themselves in male-dominated areas of accomplishment. Both were crack shots who largely made their living from their ability with firearms; both dressed unconventionally; both were celebrities in their own lifetimes–but that’s where the similarities end. The two were radically different in how they conducted themselves, and in their relationships–and this is what we must look at if we’re to sort those of us who are ‘Annies’ from those who are ‘Janes.’Annie Oakley 2

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being a ‘Jane’ or an ‘Annie’; this is more about assessing essential approaches to life and relationships that we may mistake as freeing when they’re actually undermining to our intentions. This is the real difference between the historical characters: Annie turned her unconventional inclinations into a long, productive, and impressive show business career that demanded discipline and persistence and may have required a bit of an emotional straightjacket; Jane let her inclinations and emotions overwhelm her, leading to outstanding instances of bravery and compassion (likely flowing from that spirit of independence and emotional exuberance), interspersed with excessive, debilitating drinking and confrontational anger (expressed through words, dress, and all manner of Self-sabotage). Astrologically it might initially appear to be a stark Saturn v. Uranus quandary in the natal chart, and this does fit for both these women, but I would also include a look at Chiron and Neptune, specifically, as they apply to hurt that may be acted out, and the factor of illusion as it served or ruined the reputation and injured or benefitted the individual (as well as the obvious factor of escape via substance abuse).

Annie Oakley (13 August 1860 no time known Darke County, Ohio) learned to shoot young, in order to supplement the family income by hunting and selling game, and she was so successful that she paid off her mother’s mortage by the time she was 15. Frank Butler, frontiersman, showman, and entrepreneur, was with a troupe of traveling marksmen who challenged the local talent as part of the show; Annie took the challenge, and beat him, hitting 25 out of 25, while Frank only hit 24. Annie is throughout her life described as small, serious, tidy, self-contained, calm, modest, and appealing–Frank fell in love immediately, and the two married and traveled, performing trick shooting with various groups, and finally with a circus, which lasted for a year. Then they joined Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show, the top show of its kind, and traveled North America and Europe for 16 years. They had no children, but they did have a beloved dog, Dave, that allowed Annie to shoot an apple from his head as part of the act. During both the Spanish-American War and World War 1, Annie offered to recruit and train a unit of female marksmen–and both times the government declined the offer. The after-effects of several train and automobile accidents finally caught up with Annie, and she died in 1926, with Frank refusing to eat after her death; he died 18 days later.

Annie has a strong chart, one that may have prompted her to choose her course early and stick with it. She has a Leo Sun conjunct Saturn, perfect for a serious showperson in a line that requires strict control and discipline–certainly, she embodied this configuration. The Sun is opposed Chiron, suggesting that she may have chosen very early to reject the idea of herself as wounded, or a victim, even though her early life was tough in some respects. Chiron is sextile Pallas–healing through use and development of skills–and sesquiquadrate Vesta–perhaps showing some discomfort with the unusual home situation for the times (always traveling, no children) and the unconventional image she presented. Her Sun is also trine Pallas–she was the epitome of the competent, adept warrior–and quincunx retro Mars–accomodating the Self to a more masculine approach, adopting firearms–and this suggests she could’ve been intimidated by them at first–she wouldn’t be the only person to have become very competent in an effort to overcome a fear. Sun and Saturn are quincunx Neptune–implying she may have had to adjust her dreams and fantasies to the reality with which she was presented; and yet Neptune conjuncts Sedna, sesquiquadrates Mercury, and squares Juno, again echoing some discomfort with the image presented, with what she was communicating, and there is the notion that, in fact, rather than having to adjust her dreams, she didn’t even know what they were! Perhaps they were suppressed so thoroughly (Saturn–through a sense of duty and necessity) that they never even broke through to consciousness (Neptune).

All this says that Annie was an almost archetypal incarnation of Pallas (in Aries) and Saturn energies, and that she both rejected (the negative) and raised to a high skill level (the positive) her Chiron attributes; Neptune shows as a repository for all she didn’t connect to, and yet she may have also served as a screen upon which Collective fantasies of an ideal female of the frontier were projected. This is in sharp contrast to Jane, about whom we’ll talk in part two, which will also include a quiz that will help you decide if you’re a Jane or an Annie, and what this might mean for your love life.

Photos are historical and widely available on the net.

The Fixer-Upper: Boyfriend as Improvement Project

Let’s start by saying: this is never a good idea; seeing (or is it projecting?) the potential in a guy (or any partner–face it, looking for what someone could be knows no gender) is a set-up for disaster. When we see a mate as a fixer-upper, a Self-assigned improvement project, we should immediately realize a few things: that we do not respect this individual (no matter how much we protest that we do), that we don’t really like this individual (otherwise, why would we want to change them?) and that we are very likely avoidng recognizing and dealing with our own flaws and/ or issues by focusing on someone else. Not a pretty picture, but a very human one, understandable and forgivable.

What in the chart might indicate a propensity for this? It comes in many forms: a strong Neptune, for instance, may indicate a Rescuer, or someone who responds to the fantasy of the partner rather than to the real person, while a prominent Moon or Chiron may suggest we’re acting out of our own sense of woundedness in an attempt to ‘fix’ everything for everybody, and a str0ng Ceres or Juno in a woman’s chart could push her in the direction of mothering/smothering or seeking empowerment through a partnership, respectively.

Transits may also trigger these attitudes temporarily. Neptune, of course, could lead us down an unreal partnership path, while Saturn could demand that we get serious and build a life with someone–and we may just reach for the person at hand, hoping to slap on a coat of paint and get going. Uranus can give us a huge but impermanent case of oppositional defiant disorder–and the result can be that we throw over our typical behaviors in an attempt to prove our individuality, our uniqueness, or that we are free–and if we must prove we’re free, we likely really aren’t, while proving our uniqueness may involve discarding our true tastes and preferences. Pluto may prompt us to trash whatever we’re involved in, in order to either escape or transform the partner–and though Pluto may free us from a relationship we didn’t really want, it can push us to go too far, leaving a husk of a partner in our wake. Transits can be a minefield if we allow them to work at the unconscious level, and natal propensities call for the same level of awareness, the same willingness to recognize and express in a positive fashion.

When He’s In Love: How to Tell, How to React Pt. 3 Sag to Pisces

Sagittarius–Men born under the sign of the bachelor are anything but that; their naturally expansive nature and roving eye signals a lively, engaged spirit, not an unfaithful or singular one. In fact, the Sag man treats his woman almost as if she’s his new religion, demonstrating a deep and abiding commitment by taking his love’s beliefs very seriously, and by, in one way or another, bringing the world to her. He may ask you to travel with him, take a class together, or attend worship with him; he may want to educate you himself, and he’s often a storehouse of knowledge driven by his innate interest in the world and the way things work. Sag brings to the relationship a central idea of enthusiastic companionship, along with the expansive Jupiterian energy that can at first bring a big high (“The whole world’s our playground!”) but which can quickly become draining for those more home-oriented or less energetic; as well, when the game is always ‘on,’ as it is with Sag, the sheer bigness of everything about the relationship can become an enormous weight for the partner who likes a little time off, or prefers her experiences in more modest portions.

How to react–The Sagittarius man offers Big Love, alright–and the interaction can quickly become overwhelming, as the demands for time and energy add up. Too, he loves to share what he knows, and the guy with an answer for everything, no matter how cheerfully the information is delivered, can get on even a saint’s nerves. He may not fathom that you don’t have the continual, immense appetite for life that he has (at least for the gigantic line-up of gigantic experiences he offers), and he can easily mistake your need for down time with a rejection of him. One Sag-heavy guy I know (unaware of the perfect Sagittarius symbolism he was using) put it this way: “It’s like I go through the day shooting a bunch of arrows, and hey, if I hit something, great, I go with it!” This can be an exhausting approach for those who like to concentrate their energy and choose their target. The best response to Sag’s enthusiasm and desire to put ‘it ‘ out there is definitely to allow this man free rein–because the first thing that will make him bolt is the idea that he ‘can’t’–and at the same time set firm parameters for what you will and will not accept (for instance, you will consider spontaneous adventures, but not if they’re proposed at 2 AM). The thing you must offer your Sag man is knowledge of who you are–his spirit is ultimately one of accommodation, and he will, once he knows, begin to train his arrows to hit precisely what you want.

Capricorn–lets you know he loves you by being very very serious in interaction–sometimes so serious that you barely hear a word from him! Cappy’s admiration can devolve into him hovering nearby, just watching you, not wanting to intrude on the event that is you. This may or may not be accompanied by gifts of real property, business advice, stocks, or useful items, like hammers, lumber, and brooms. Often, though, this is the early behavior that is a prelude to Capricorn offering you stability, status, rules, and a legally binding contract. When he proposes (whatever he proposes) he means it, so even if your Cap gent has a lighthearted surface manner, take what he says as being absolutely sincere.

How to react–The Capricorn man wants, no, needs, for you to take him seriously; if you entertain even his least appealing suggestions with properly solemn consideration, he’ll be satisfied. Don’t laugh at him, ever, and find out what he cares about and treat it with respect–it’s the one thing he’ll always offer you, and it will be the one thing he’ll require from you–though typically he’d also like a firm, lifetime commitment and clear rules concerning personal conduct, if he can get them. Treat him with the gravity and care he wants, and you’ll find him eventually (once his need to be taken seriously is realized) able to exercise spontaneity and lighten up, which can be a gift for you both.

Aquarius–likes to live in his head, and if he falls for you, may try to live in yours, as well. He may show his interest by engaging you intellectually, perhaps strutting his academic creds or trying to impress you with his expertise as a group leader or with his place in the avant garde. He’s likely to make a point of expressing his independence as much as possible, and you may notice he must feel unique, no matter what; he’ll be the anarchist in a group of Republicans, the atheist in church, the nudist in Alaska. Not only can this be socially awkward for you as a couple, it can be highly irritating, and the irony of Aquarius’ need to rebel in some form in every circumstance is something he’s unlikely to recognize, likely because at root it’s about his desire to be accepted–he just wants it to happen because he’s one-of-a-kind. He won’t see that compulsive indulgence in this in the relationship is the equivalent of essentially treating you like you are either an enemy or an authority figure, and the adolescent insistence on trumpeting his individuality and having his uniqueness recognized (and often as not this takes the form of the kind of slavish conformity that believes itself to be unique, found in fashions of all kinds) is enough to drive a permanent wedge in the most charged and exciting (also Uranian characteristics) of interactions.

How to react–The good news is Aquarius can always be reasoned with; the bad news is you may have to reason with your Aquarian guy, and he’s a master at mental manipulation and intellectual sleight-of-hand, and this can feel like you’re talking to an idea Houdini who slips in and out of facts like they’re trick handcuffs. If you love him, let him know how unique he is in your eyes; show him that radical behavior isn’t necessary to make him stand out in a crowd. And never let him pull the ‘superior intellect’ number on you–he’ll respect you for standing up to him, and for being able to meet him on an equal mental footing.

Pisces–the man heavy in Pisces/ Neptune energy will let you know he cares by doing the most creative and nurturing thing he can think of, likely using water, drugs, the act of creation, or some dream-like elements in some way and giving you a sense of escape from the everyday. The Pisces man wants to commune with you, to have no boundaries, to unite in an ideal world–and this could be great, if healthy relationships didn’t require good boundaries and if harsh reality didn’t intrude on fantasy. He loves to get away from it all, and he wants to take you with him–and this can cause a real clash when you must be back at work by 8 AM. And if he wants to share a chemical or virtual escape, that comes with its own pitfalls, not to mention the fact that if you’re wrapped up in unreality, you’re not really spending time together with your loved one at all.

How to react–Pisces just wants togetherness–so maybe if you point out that being conscious and face-to-face is as together as two people can be, he just might agree. Don’t hesitate to share his fantasy, escape, or getaway, but make it clear that you expect to re-enter the real world with him, intact and with all your brain cells. Most Pisces just need to be soothed; and knowing that you are available and willing to indulge in a total merge once in a while ought to make him more than happy–no consciousness altering substances needed!

When He’s In Love: How to Tell, How to React Pt. 2 Leo to Scorpio

Leo–you can tell the Leo guy’s in love when he pulls you into his spotlight. Suddenly helping you shine (and the two of you shining together) is what it’s all about, and depending on your temperament, this may be a dream come true, a nightmare, or something in between. The exceptionally generous Leonine spirit can almost literally be like receiving a gift of life energy, but the attention and scrutiny while in that spotlight can be intense, whether you thrive under those circumstances or not. Leo equates attention with love, but for some with whom he tries to share, this can eventually end up feeling like you’re a bug struggling under the glare of a cruel child’s magnifying glass.

How to react–If you love the bright lights your Leo shines on you, then all’s well, but if you begin at some point to spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom (because it’s the only place you can be alone and unwatched), then something’s got to give. So much depends on your own tolerance for and desire for attention that it’s difficult to give even a barely adequate one-size-fits-all answer; the closest I can come is to say that what Leo really wants is to admire and be admired–so I guess the relationship becomes a proving ground testing whether each of you naturally has what the other can admire, find pride-by-association in, and respect.

Virgo–the Virgo man signals he’s into you by telling you, one way or another, that you’re perfect. This sounds wonderful, and often is, for a time, until you do something he doesn’t interpret as perfection; then you hear about just exactly how you could improve yourself–and that’s definitely a mood killer. Virgo is relentlessly focused on the details, on the critique meant to create a better end result, a better product, a better harvest, so he doesn’t see why you wouldn’t want to hear his assessment. It never occurs to him that what he perceives as flawed won’t necessarily seem in need of repair to you, and this is the heart of the problem: with all that attention to detail, the Virgo guy is still totally obtuse when it comes to big picture objectivity, as well as the fact that others naturally have another point of view.

How to react–Though bristling is your likely first reaction to the Self-improvement list your sweet Virgo presents to you, it might make sense to put it all into context. This is a man whose attraction to you allowed him to see you as the perfect woman, at least for a while, and now all he’s doing is trying to maintain his own belief in your perfection. Virgo is programmed to inspect, nitpick, assess, classify, and sift through data looking for what is out of order (or what might go wrong). Likely as not, Virgo’s suggestions to you are a signal flag he’s throwing up, in the hope that you’ll stop, turn your full attention to him, and reassure him that the woman he fell in love with hasn’t left the building. What he really wants, though he may couch it in perfectionistic or critical terms, is to be assured that the vision of love he carries is real, and that you are still unquestionably interested in him. Virgo is Earth, and suprisingly consistent in its need for predictability in life–favor him with reassurance that he’s still the one, add a modicum of interest in the minutiae of his existence (because it’s all in the details, for him), and he’ll relax and feel loved (and if you’ve got a lot of Sag or a prominent Jupiter, you might want to lovingly share with him how his perception of detail fits in the Big Picture–he’ll be delighted to be shown another use for his abilities).

Libra–ah, the romance we expect from a Libra! and we get it, no question; it’s a sweet togetherness that gives even the mundane tasks of life a euphoric kick. He’s always thinking of ‘us,’ and everything comes with a rose and a romantic pink glow. Problems come in two ways: if we are a more cut-to-the-chase kind of person, who thinks romance has a specific time and place, we may find each interaction being staged like the cover of a romance novel a little too much; or, we may be just fine with the emphasis on continual romance, but may chafe when our connection goes from the gentle holding of hands to being joined at the hip with our human ball-and-chain SO.

How to react–Libra clearly means well, but few of us can live with our gaze firmly fixed on some Victorian idea of the niceties of relationship without needing to look away now and again. Libra generally believes that the relentlessly romantic approach is what a woman wants and needs; you must understand that the Libra guy, even when he’s ultra-modern, has an unreal expectation of what a love relationship is. He may believe it will fulfill him, and that can put a big burden on you to fill in the missing pieces and even to play a role, the requirements of which you might not be privy to. When expectations and the need for everything to look romantic and pretty gets to be too much, you might want to remind yourself that this man lives for partnership, and he truly wants to shoulder half the load (and in fact he’ll carry more than his share, out of love and dedication)–for him, it’s an expression of his love for you. Then, no matter your feeling about his romantic approach, you might want to share some activity, something important to you that you can do together, or even something where you can ‘assign’ him a part–the vital point is the sharing, the inclusion of the Libra as you describe your goal, your plan, your interest, and ask him to participate. What he  wants is to be on your ‘team’–for him, that’s really all the romance he needs.

Scorpio–if his intense gaze doesn’t give away his interest, the way he figuratively drags you to a cave of one kind or another will certainly get the message across. Scorpio’s likely to be quiet, even calculating, in his approach; a conspiratorial aura to your interaction is a strong sign he’s into you. The stealth factor can play a big part in the relationship itself, as well; where Libra will trumpet partnership to the skies, Scorpio plays it all very close to the vest, so that the fact he sees the two of you as a couple might take you by surprise. This can come across like a mixed message, or can make you feel like he’s hiding your relationship, as if he’s ashamed or otherwise unwilling to be open about it. This can make for major crises of confidence and can lead to very bad feelings; other places in relationship with a Scorpio man that can, like the little girl with the curl, be very very good or very very bad, are the sex life, and in the keeping of secrets–the latter may be a compulsively manifested stumbling block on the road to real intimacy.

How to react–Confusion about your Scorpio guy’s real feelings and intentions is the most likely problem to arise. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to join Scorpio in his cave: allow him his need for secrecy (for it’s really a mannerism, more than a withholding, with this man); trust him, and you’ll never have to question his ardor or his loyalty–question him endlessly, and he feels the need to crawl into that cave and pull the opening in behind him. If you can accept that you won’t be privy to his every thought, can accept his intensity as genuine and his need for privacy as a true need (and so to be respected), then you can go the distance and enjoy a truly passionate relationship with this (often) mysterious man.