Guidance on What Not To Do

By Kadelburg – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0,

‘Here’s What You Don’t Do’ is a new podcast series that offers reflection on and discussion of real-life issues, including relationship issues, in a light-hearted but deeply-felt, informative way; available through iTunes, Google Play Music, Facebook, Stitcher and Podbean. (You’ll need to search the title, in bold above, at those last two links–clicking Facebook takes you directly to the page holding the newest installment.) New episodes post every Tuesday (except during hiatus).

The Clinginess Quiz, or Which Glenne Close Are You?

As promised oh-so-long ago when I posted ‘Are You Too Clingy?’ here is a little tongue-in-cheek quiz to help you determine where you fall on the clinginess meter–and who better to measure yourself against than the many incarnations of Glenne Close, whose life and work runs the gamut on illustrating reaction in relationship?

Give yourself 5 points for A answers, 4 for B, 3 for C, 2 for D, and 1 for E. More points isn’t necessarily better, nor is a low score especially good, so don’t stress either way. This is, after all, totally without scientific merit–but it may give you a new angle on your own inclinations.

1. You’re at a party and spot your SO across the room talking with an attractive person, you . . .

A) panic inside 

B) begin to plot the downfall of the recipient of your lover’s attention 

C) think nothing of it 

D) grit your teeth 

E) go over and introduce yourself

2. You get anxious if you haven’t heard from your SO . . .

A) daily, at least, plus lots of playful texts 

B) whenever you want 

C) whenever your SO wants 

D) it doesn’t matter–your SO has no obligation to call you 

E) you don’t know–you’re not really keeping track

3. When you see lovers in a movie, in the park, out to dinner, your first thought is . . .

A) I want that passion for myself!

B) How can I ruin my rival and claim the lover for myself?

C) They really shouldn’t touch in public

D) No time for courtin’–there’s work to be done

E) A life of sexual celibacy looks more attractive all the time

4. Your favorite food is . . .

A) meat!

B) a dish served cold

C) a sandwich made with processed American cheez, chopped, pressed ham, mayo, on white bread, with a glass of whole milk

D) anything made with corn

E) something sensible, like a pot roast

With the astrology placements, give points for all that apply.

5. Your Saturn is in . . .

A) Aries or Libra

B) Sagittarius or Gemini

C) Capricorn

D) Taurus

E) Scorpio

No points for any other placement

6. Your Pluto is in . . .

A) aspect to Venus, ruled by Venus, or in the 8th

B) aspect to Mercury or ruled by it

C) a cadent House–3rd, 6th, 9th, 12th

D) aspect to Saturn

E) Leo or Scorpio

7. Your Venus is in . . .

A) Taurus or Aries

B) Scorpio or Leo

C) Cancer or Aquarius

D) Capricorn, Sagittarius, or Libra

E) Gemini or Virgo

No points for Pisces

8. During a break-up, how do you feel inside?

A) Like I must do anything possible to get him back.

B) Like I want him back, but I feel compelled to play games, and keep him at arm’s length.

C) I look on the sunny side of things–there’s a reason for everything.

D) I embrace hard work.

E) I’ve never really had a break-up.

The Results

34-40 points or a majority of A answers: Like Glenne Close in ‘Fatal Attraction,’ you can let your emotions get the best of you, and drive you to do things way outside your better judgment. Your battle cry, like the character’s, is “I will not be ignored!” Intensity in relationship is the name of the game here–you may think almost obssessively about your partner and the availability of him or her to you. The problem may be that you don’t recognize as clearly as you should boundaries and the rights of others, and you allow little room for down time in a relationship–you may need to learn that every moment can’t burn incandescent with passion without the danger of scarring the ones you love.

27-34 or a majority of B answers: You see love as a bit of a game, and generally aggress in order to protect yourself. Like Close’s Marquise in ‘Dangerous Liasions,’ however, you may have trouble extricating yourself from the complicated tease-and-release program in which you’re involved–and the desire to be in control, and yet to appear above it all, makes for tension, eventual, inevitable disappointment, and perhaps even turns lovers into enemies. Take a step back, and respect that love isn’t something to be ashamed of, but something that makes no demands on anyone.

20-27 or a majority of C answers: Much like the persona Glenne wore early in her life as she traveled the U.S. with a scrubbed, toothsome, sunshine-y performance group called ‘Up With People,’ you may be almost psychotically defended against negativity and gloom. You’re certainly not going to let a little thing like a failed relationship get in the way of duty, country, and keeping your virginity intact (at least, a psychological virginity that focuses on wholesome thought and deed–to the exclusion of acknowledging the whole spectrum of human behavior). Buried feelings are a real danger, and vulnerability to what you don’t acknowledge is a distinct possibility. Loosen up.  

14-20 or mostly D answers: Like the title character in ‘Sarah, Plain and Tall,’ you have a pioneer spirit that doesn’t see the point in whining about anything, much less about fussing over a relationship. Your nose to the grindstone, you see relationships as partnerships, and you expect to have to work at it; you doubt you are allotted  many tender moments in this life. Sadly, your stoic and non-judgmental mentality may cause a less hardy relationship to die on the vine. Take a few moments to nurture and be nurtured; in your push forward you may fail to enjoy what you have, and could walk (or work!) right past what might really give you pleasure.

Fewer than 14 points or mostly E answers: Like Glenne’s sexually celibate nurse in ‘The World According to Garp,’ you may be way too focused on the unsavory elements of human nature, and it could be spoiling your enjoyment of life. You like to cut to the chase, and relationships seem just too encumbered by subterfuge and hypocrisy for you. Consider that there’s something quite pleasant about a little back and forth in the name of love, and that not everybody’s operating according to their basest nature. Cut your fellow Beings some slack, and re-join the human race–we miss you.

Seduction 101

Based on a recent reader search for seduce Venus in Gemini, I have a suggestion: talk.

And talk and talk–you’ll get there eventually!

See the 4th and latest installment on Juno at buy my work at in hard copy or convenient and inexpensive emailed pdf, and see ruminations on the upcoming Mercury retrograde at Thanks! and enjoy your day (and all involved seductions!)