“Am I destined to be alone?”

I have Venus square Saturn in my chart. Am I destined to be alone? The men I’ve loved never have time for me, work long hours, or are never there for me. What kind of man would be ideal for me?

Though I know you, dear question asker, I’m going to pretend I don’t, as what you ask is an important question from which many can benefit. You single out your Venus square to Saturn, not unreasonably, and though I don’t believe that any single aspect consigns one to a sealed romantic fate, it wouldn’t hurt (though our internal Venus might think differently!) for us to talk about the possible meanings of the planet of love and relationship in hard aspect to the energy of repression, suppression, discipline, structure, and maturity.

Sometimes we just want to know we aren't alone
Sometimes we just want to know we aren't alone

You describe yourself as having loved men who are, one way or another, the essence of Saturn: never having time for you, working long hours, never there for you. So in a way, you are very much fulfilling one possible expression of Venus square Saturn; now your job is to bring about another manifestation that’s more to your liking.

Possibilities include love with someone older/ established/ or ‘serious,’ with someone whose career requires extreme discipline (a surgeon, a trapeze artist, or a race car driver, for instance!) or someone very grounded–he may not tickle your winsome button, but he’ll be home on time and pay the bills. So this may be a trade of some kind of flash or glamour you’ve been seeking for something less overtly exciting, but which represents the more positive side of this aspect combo.

This can also suggest that you expect love to be restrictive, lonely, or punishing, in some way–that you expect love to suck the fun out of the room, or that you expect love to feel like a relationship to authority or ‘Daddy,’ and you may assume a kind of childlike passivity when you partner up. This latter can effectively drive away anyone who isn’t looking to be a Daddy, literally or figuratively, to you or a child. So a good long look at your own expectations is definitely in order–often we carry beliefs we’re not consciously aware of that can keep us on a path we’d never consciously choose!

There is also the idea that love may not come to you until you truly mature–our Saturn is our Self-discipline, our true connection to reality, and our productivity in life, and if one or more of these elements within you is lacking, love may not feel ‘at home’ in your world. Don’t despair, as this really acts as a safety mechanism, that keeps you from hooking up (permanently, at least) with the wrong guy–it guarantees that, until your inner and outer worlds have reconciled this square, you will continue to essentially move through life on your own, not alone, necessarily, but without the heart’s companionship that you’re quite naturally seeking.

Look at what Neptune touches in your natal chart–this will show you where you might be deluded, fooling yourself, or chasing a dream of a mate that isn’t in keeping with your true love nature. Look at Mars’ sign to get a look at your ‘ideal man’–and don’t be surprised if there’s some clash with other expectations or energies. And look to the sign opposing your Juno placement for the general kind of temperament you’re looking for in a mate. All these checks will help make you more aware of what you’re looking for, and look to your Venus by sign for a concept of what you’re exuding (and thus attracting).

Good luck, dear friend!

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